anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, Maja, svea, Uncategorized

Being a Nothing-of-Consequence

My anxiety is rising. I was in a good mood earlier today, and I plan on feeling okay tomorrow... The thing is that as the holiday season starts, I am catching ripples of anxiety - like waves of salt hitting my face, suddenly so that I don't have time to close my mouth. I sputter… Continue reading Being a Nothing-of-Consequence

Best Friends, Dane, Uncategorized

Unfortunately Irritating

I had a post pop up yesterday in my Facebook memories from years ago... A post that one of Dane's exes had written to me, after she had moved on and married someone else that is. It was a generic catch-up conversation, in which she noted she hadn't really spoken to Dane in awhile -… Continue reading Unfortunately Irritating

anxiety, David, memories, relationships, teenage years, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Freaking Frigid – A Memory

It came back to me today, a memory I'd like to say was vague - as I hadn't thought about it for a very long time. But it's not, not vague at all. I've been having these snippets pop up in my mind here and there, seemingly randomly over the past few weeks. I'm not… Continue reading Freaking Frigid – A Memory

anxiety, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

Honestly, I don't know if I have anything interesting to spew at the moment. I just felt like getting back to the root of my blog/writing career for a minute - I felt like writing without a purpose to see what would emerge. I hope to clarify my inner self, to figure out why I… Continue reading Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

anxiety, David, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety

Stranger Things Spoilers Below. Proceed with caution 😉 I finally finished Stranger Things season 3 last night and it was so depressing. I'm not talking about Hopper's possible death - because the way it was handled I am relatively certain he will suddenly show back up and have a wild story as to how he… Continue reading In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety

Uncategorized

I assure you that, yes, Emma is fine

Oh geez, it seems like, once again, I have been gone from WordPress much longer than I had realized. I guess 3 weeks really isn't all that bad in the history of my many random blogging sabbaticals. But I am here once again to assure you that, yes, Emma is fine. I know the last… Continue reading I assure you that, yes, Emma is fine

anxiety, David, depression, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

"But Emma," I hear you say. "You are officially a nurse now, you should know better than to fuck around with your meds." I sigh, because I know you're right. I suppose 'fuck around' is a bit strong of a description though. Fact is, my self care has been lacking lately and part of that… Continue reading Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

mother, Uncategorized

Overdramatic, Foundationless Accusations

You have no fucking clue right now. Well, if you have a mother like mine perhaps you do. I have reached the last straw with this woman. I dunno if I have the energy, honestly, to explain the whole thing right now. Suffice it to say my mum is a crazy narcissistic bitch who is… Continue reading Overdramatic, Foundationless Accusations

mother, Uncategorized

Monumental Clusterfuck

How do I even start today? I wanted to update you all on the awesome externship experience I've been having, but intertwined with that has been a trip to Cleveland to spread my grandfather's ashes. This, of course, meant I had to see my family. For the most part this wasn't an issue. Got to… Continue reading Monumental Clusterfuck

memoir, memories, teenage years, Uncategorized

To Save My Own Hide

"Okay, Mum, you can go now," I said flinging my hand out in the direction of my bedroom door. "I will," she said. "After I use the bathroom." She headed towards the bathroom situated in the far corner of my room. Shit. Federica and I had been tossing our cigarette butts in the toilet and… Continue reading To Save My Own Hide

Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized

Smoldering Bridge

Dane unfriended me on Facebook. I told you that. He inferred I was disposable and it seemed he'd rather keep David in the FB friendship circle. Ok, fine then. I accepted that, though it hurt initially. The thing is, even after pushing me away so hard; trying his damnedest to put distance between us and… Continue reading Smoldering Bridge

anxiety, David, depression, Medical, Uncategorized

The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

Sorry for the delay in updating, my psych appointment was postponed a few weeks. I had my follow up just yesterday afternoon. I discussed with my doctor the fact that I've seen the article about David... with his accolades saying he recently was promoted to Major, he's getting his Masters in a few months, and… Continue reading The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

anxiety, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

At What Level is it Normal?

I have a follow up with my psychiatrist in a few days. She wants to check on how my meds are doing now that I am entering the annual timeframe that the worst of my PTSD usually takes effect. So what am I going to tell her? I keep thinking about it... do I still… Continue reading At What Level is it Normal?

anxiety, Medical, memories, Uncategorized

Suddenly, My Vision Was Gone

There I was, lying back in the dentist's chair with a nasal mask resting on my face. My limbs were tingling and I was slowly getting sleepy. I thought to myself 'I don't think nitrous oxide is supposed to knock me out... is it?' I had never had it before, in all honesty. I didn't… Continue reading Suddenly, My Vision Was Gone

Posts With Off Site Links, Scandinavia, Uncategorized

Saucy Swede

Before school starts again this week... pending a gnarly snow storm that is headed our way... I thought I'd tell you about how my sister and her husband came to visit me! Woo! They were here for a week, and just left this Tuesday - just in time to have caught a stomach virus from… Continue reading Saucy Swede

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Take your Xanax, mothers, Emma is fine

Oh gosh, you guys, I hadn't realized it had been quite so long since I have written on here... Apologies for any of you that may have worried about me or what have you. Well, let's be honest, I'm sure most didn't notice - I take random long breaks fairly regularly - but imma gonna… Continue reading Take your Xanax, mothers, Emma is fine

books, memoir, Uncategorized

Writer’s Update

It's been awhile since I've let you all know the status of my rewrite for my first book... so here it is. Too be honest I decided to write this update because I basically needed to shift focus from my mess of a manuscript right now! Ah! I had my friend Klutzy go through the… Continue reading Writer’s Update

anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, relationships, support, Uncategorized

Being Disposable

I've discovered something definitive about my friendship with Dane this week. Well, ex-friendship at this point. I have become disposable to him. I'm not sure when exactly it happened, sometime over the last two years since I moved back to the USA. Up until that point... the last time I had talked to him while… Continue reading Being Disposable

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Heeeey… I’m Still Alive!

I've been so busy lately... I was hoping to write a proper blog post last weekend, while I was off of work - but I was away in Philadelphia for my sister's wedding, and my hopes for some downtime for writing did not come to fruition. I feel like I have so much to say,… Continue reading Heeeey… I’m Still Alive!

memories, teenage years, Uncategorized, weight loss

When I thought I was fat

About two years ago, I wrote a guest post for a blog which at the time was called "When I thought I was fat," that bloggess has since changed the name of her site "When I thought I was nothing." I was reminded of the post after a conversation I had with my sister the… Continue reading When I thought I was fat