Listening to Taylor Swift as my theme at the moment. I generally start to get in a depressive mood around March and April – but it is threatening to come early this year. I decided that Taylor Swift would help me “Shake it off.” So I’ve been listening to her for the past several days and I realized she has written my (love) life! LOL I’ve read between the lines and came up with my “anthem” as Taylor wrote it (well changed pronouns here and there so that the different songs would mesh a little better.) I have put the boyfriends in order of appearance in my life. Sadly, one boyfriend didn’t make the cut. Taylor’s gonna need to work on that, ha ha:
I was reminiscing the other day, while having coffee all alone and lord it took me away…
We were both young when I first saw you, I close my eyes and the flashback starts.
Did you have to do this? I was thinking that you could be trusted, Did you have to hit me where I’m weak, Baby, I couldn’t breathe. These kinds of wounds they last and they last. Cause when your fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them. When all I wanted was to be wanted. Wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now. Stupid girl, I should have known. Maybe I was naïve, got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn’t know how to be in love.
You took a swing, I took it hard and down here from the ground, I see who you are.
I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing. So casually cruel in the name of being honest. I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here cause I remember it all.
“Baby, I miss you and I swear I’m gonna change, trust me.” You wear your best apology. This is the last time I let you in my door. “This is the last time I won’t hurt you anymore.” You tell me that you love me and then you cut me down and I need you like a heartbeat, but you know you got a mean streak. You tell me that you want me, then push me around. You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me. You have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like I’m nothing.
I wonder if I’ll make it out alive. It’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair.
I might be ok, but I’m not fine at all. I remember all too well.
And then I feel so low I can’t feel nothing at all.
Your eyes look like coming home. I just like hanging out with you all the time. Darling, it was good. All I feel in my stomach is butterflies – the beautiful kind. It’s miserable and magical, oh yeah. Something about it felt like home somehow. Oh your sweet disposition and my wide eyed gaze.
Distance, Timing, Breakdown, Fighting, silence, the train runs off its tracks. I guess we fell apart the usual way and the story’s got dust all over the page, but sometimes I wonder how you think about it now.
New to town with a made up name, saw you there and thought “Oh my God, look at that face – you look like my next mistake.” He’s so tall and handsome as hell. He’s so bad but he does it so well. You look like bad news, I gotta have you. I knew you were trouble when you walked in. But you’re just so cool, run your hands through your hair. Absentmindedly making me want you. I guess you didn’t care and I guess I liked that. I’d be smart to walk away, but you’re quicksand.
You always knew how to push my buttons, I’m really gonna miss you picking fights.
Say it’s been a long six months and you were too afraid to tell me what you want. I just want to know you better.
No apologies, he’ll never see me cry, pretends he doesn’t know that he’s the reason why I’m drowning. I fake a smile so he won’t see.
My lover in the foyer doesn’t even know me. Thinking his future was me. He can’t see the smile I’m faking and my hearts not breaking cause I’m not feeling anything at all. Can he tell that I can’t breathe? Everybody loves pretty and everybody loves cool. But I’m so confused because I don’t feel pretty, I just feel used.
I don’t know why, but with you I’d dance in a storm in my best dress. Cause I can’t help it if you look like an angel, can’t help if I wanna kiss you in the rain. We were dancing, dancing like we’re made of starlight. The only one who’s got enough for me to break my heart.
You’re thinking that I hate you now cause you still don’t know what I never said. Kiss me, try to fix it. Could you just try to listen?
It was a moment of weakness and I said yes. I should’ve said no, I should’ve gone home.
You’re looking so innocent, I might believe you if I didn’t know. Even now just looking at you feels wrong.
We know it’s never simple, never easy, never a clean break. Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out. It’s 2 AM, feeling like I just lost a friend. You don’t have to call anymore, I won’t pick up the phone, this is the last straw, I don’t want to hurt anymore. I just want to tell you it takes everything in me not to call you.
So this is me swallowing my pride, Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night.” Your guard is up and I know why. Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind.
I’m pretty sure we almost broke up last night. I was expecting some dramatic turn away, but you… stayed. I’ll be loving you for quite some time, No one else is gonna love me when I get mad.
For the first time what’s past is past.
It’s like I got this music in my mind saying “It’s gonna be alright”