I Don’t Do Sadness

jgj

A lone youth on a stage, the lights dim and the chords start strumming and the youth begins to sing.

*

************

Awful sweet to be a little butterfly
Just swinging over things and nothing deep inside

************

*

This young man is an actor, yet he portrays it so well. It makes me wonder if he’s lived it; it makes me wonder if he has actually lived depression. The hopelessness and the desperate need to feel… it’s hard to replicate if you haven’t lived it yourself. It’s difficult to be that convincing.

 *
************
I don’t do sadness, so been there
Don’t do sadness, just don’t care
************
*
Another youth – a female this time – joins him on stage. Her character is acting. She’s acting pleased with her life. But she’s not. She emanates a sadness as she too starts to sing.
*
************
Spring and summer, every other day
Blue wind gets so sad
Blowing through the thick corn; through the bales of hay
*************
*
The boy. You see the pain in his eyes as he chokes on his words. I’ve seen this pain before in another youth I know in my real life. Even as he smiles, you can see the pain. I’ve seen this look on David’s face, I’ve seen him act out the exuberance. I’ve also known another man, a nurse I used to work with – he often seemed happy go lucky. Then one day I was shocked to discover that he had thrown himself off of a bridge, landing on the interstate. I had heard that he had some mental health issues, but had never witnessed them for myself. Another veteran. Another death.
 *
Even if you have never seen Spring Awakening, nor read the book – I don’t think I need to tell you what happens to this young man on stage after the song ends and the female leaves. I connect with this scene every time I see it. I connect to this song with every refrain. Depression is not always outwardly apparent. Remember, even the depressed can smile. Even the depressed can appear happy.
 *
I watch this scene from Spring Awakening and I think “Oh, God. I hope he’s just an excellent actor.”
*

…To be honest, I’m struggling again myself. These past few days have been rough.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s