Dan, memoir, relationships

Excerpt: Dan… or “No apologies. He’ll never see you cry.”

**Hi all, working on a few ideas that aren’t pulling together quite right just yet… so I decided to post another excerpt from my book. This is part of the chapter about Dan. My tumultuous boy 🙂 On one hand, I don’t want to give away all of my good parts in the book… but on the other hand, I just want my writing out there, being read. Hope you enjoy… and if it peaks your interest at all, it is only $3.99 (USD) on Kindle… (also available in paperback.)**

But life with Dan was not all sunshine and roses. He was my bad boy after all. Dan and I fought a lot. It was a strange relationship in which I did not care when we fought. By that I mean, any other friend or boyfriend I would ever fight with, I would be concerned about making up and right wrongs as soon as possible. But I would walk away from Dan and we wouldn’t speak for a week. After this cooling off time we would be back to the way we were as if nothing had ever happened. I don’t know that this was a healthy way to handle it, but it was what it was and it seemed to work for us.

He would purposely try to make me mad, to get under my skin. I am not sure why he did such things. Was he testing me? Was he trying to drive me away? One instance I remember was during my Year 2, his senior year. I’m relatively certain we had recently had a disagreement. I walk out into the court yard. Next to him sat this little nothing Year 1 girl that obviously crushed on him that whole year. She hung around like an annoying little gnat. I still remember her name. Kaitlyn. Ugh. I do not know if he chose her because she was just there or because he knew she annoyed me, but when he saw me walk out he grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her onto his lap and started making out with her. Her silly self was obviously pleased – but what she couldn’t see is that he was staring at me the entire time. Not creepy at all, Dan.

I didn’t give him the time of day that day.

Shortly before he graduated we had a huge fight. At least it was huge to me. We actually talked about considering getting together for real. He was concerned that I was a serious girl that needed a serious relationship. We were too different, my being Christian bothered him. I can attest that I didn’t care about all that. I already knew that Dan and I would never last the long run, I just knew I liked and cared for him. He apparently didn’t believe that. A few days, maybe even weeks, later he told me to leave and that he didn’t even want to be friends anymore. I didn’t understand why there was suddenly no friendship even allowed between us. I was so angry with him. The usual silent week turned into several silent months.

He graduated. I didn’t call him. The next year was my senior year. I was dating a twenty-five year old Danish man named Sven for a while. Keeping my mind off Dan. Sven proposed. I turned him down. I had a one night stand with a guy named Timmy. I contracted Chlamydia. I kept my mind off of Dan.

One day in early 2002, I looked out a 6th floor window into the courtyard, and I’ll be god damned if I didn’t see Dan down there. I avoided the courtyard that day. For crying out loud, I had to avoid the courtyard for days. I’d see him come down the hall and I would turn the other way. Finally, this tricky bastard showed up in my history class. He sat down right next to me without saying a word. He watched me for an hour. I felt his eyes on me. I ignored him as I fidgeted and nervously shook my foot. As soon as class was over, I jumped up and left the room without a glance back. What made me think he’d take the hint?

I sat down to have lunch. For some reason Maja, my best friend and boy-buffer, was not around that day. She wasn’t there in History; she wasn’t there as he sat down across from me in the cafeteria as I ate. I gave up.

“Hi, Dan.”

“Hi, Emma.”

2 thoughts on “Excerpt: Dan… or “No apologies. He’ll never see you cry.””

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