Dane’s Happiness (or Rae is a Jealous Bitch.)

I haven’t been able to talk to Dane for a while. Our schedules and time zones don’t always mesh well.

I had a night out with an American friend last night and we were discussing the career trajectories of our husbands and whether we’d end up back in the US anytime soon… and whether we even wanted to end up in the US. Call me unpatriotic if you wish – but I don’t care much either way. I like living in the US okay, but sometimes it’s hard for me to imagine it as truly home when I have spent more than half my life overseas. I’m not sure my husband understands my reasoning. That being said, I still consider myself pretty patriotic 🙂

Anyway, the thought crossed my mind that one of the main draws to going back to the US would be simply the ease of access to my best friend. I miss him more than I can express. What I wouldn’t give to able to call him, or receive calls from him, whenever we wish. I miss texting him during the work day. Hell, I miss him bringing me lunch during the work day. I miss sitting in the church pew next to him whispering during congregational meetings. I miss saying something snarky to him and he threatening me with “I WILL hang up on you!” I miss his laugh.

Last I spoke to him; he told me he had spent the night with THAT GIRL again. I’ve mentioned her before. That girl who gets angry if he picks up a phone call from me when he is with her… She is needy, demanding, irrational, and possessive and gives him such a hard time when he has only tried to be nice and supportive of her and her issues. While I feel bad for the issues she has in her life; I also feel that they are not Dane’s issues and she need not be trying to get him to fix everything. She need not be dragging him into that mess – especially as she started with that crap so early in the relationship.

He hadn’t talked to her for several weeks prior to that night because he was out of town, and he had given up on a serious long term relationship by that point. He said in that last conversation that “she knows I don’t love her.”

Why, Dane, Why?! Dane has never done “drama.” He is the kind that shuts down and walks away from drama. I don’t understand why is he allowing her to keep him in hers? I know he is trying to be the “good guy” this time around. I also wonder if her clinginess and occasional timidity – telling him she just feels safer when he sleeps in her bed – makes him feel manly and needed somehow.

But she doesn’t laugh at his jokes. He told me some stuff he said early on that she got downright angry about and instantly broke up with him… “What did you say?” I asked. He explained some jokes he told – amusing people watching observances he had said aloud. I burst out laughing and told him “God, Dane – That’s funny shit right there!” He laughed too and said “I know, right?”

She wanted to give it another go once she calmed down. Then he couldn’t tell his jokes. He seemed to be understanding of why she was upset in the first place. …But she has yanked him around so many times instantly breaking up with him over stupid shit and then crawling back eventually – or accepting the occasional apology from him, making him feel guilty enough to crawl back to her. This woman is 29 or 30 and, seems to me, has the emotional maturity of a middle schooler.

He seems to be on the fence – now not giving in to as much of her shit, yet still showing up when he’s in town. I think she still has hope she’ll snag a commitment out of him in the end.

I hear you. You are all deafening me with the “Rae, you sound like a jealous bitch right now!”

I know.

Maybe I am.

But I also just want Dane to be happy. I have only ever wanted him to be happy. I have, more than once, spoken my mind about women he’s dated. He usually trusts my judgement and between me and his sister – we have effectively caused break ups with some of the worst offenders. He hasn’t even told his sister about this one. That’s got to tell you something.

A few months ago I told him my mind about her. I told him, calmly, my advice concerning this one. Then I told him that I know I bad talk a lot of his girls. I realised this and told him I just want him to be happy – and I would say my piece if I feel it’s warranted… but that from now on if he continues on regardless of my assessment that I would support whatever decision he makes even if I disagree. I just want him to be happy. If he feels that he’ll be happy with someone, I need to support that.

I just hope when I do get the chance to talk to him again, that I will hear him say through my earpiece that he’s done with her completely. I don’t want to have to give a sympathetically disapproving “Oh, Dane…” when he tells me some other crap that’s occurred. I don’t want to “Oh, Dane…” him if he tells me he’s spent the night at her house again.

I want him to be happy and it’s killing me

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