I don’t know how many of you do like I do and browse through a new follower’s blog, trying to get a glimpse of the kinds of people that would be interested in my writing. Taking guesses as to what they may have seen that interested them – and sometimes discovering that I can’t resist following them back. Perhaps some of you do the same as me, perhaps it’s too much to do for those of you that have thousands upon thousands of followers.
I did the same as I always do with the lady that followed me last; a new follower just yesterday. I didn’t have to look far before I was directed to a post that she wrote as a guest on another blog.
My emotional reaction was almost immediate when she typed “Even now I feel like an imposter stating that I was a victim of domestic violence (emotional included). I feel as though my experiences are nothing compared to what other women go through, and that I have no right to use the term.”
There were tears as I read it yesterday… I never realized that there might be other women that feel that way too. That paragraph perfectly summed up the way I had felt for the past 16 or 17 years. As many of you know, I only admitted it to myself, my husband, and my friends this past year. I’ve only just started to use the term “abuse” myself – and even now still feel awkward and almost guilty using that word.
I’ve been considering writing this post for the past 24 hours or so. Finally I’ve sat down to get this out – I went back to that post and started ugly-crying again. Choking and snot running – lovely visual, I know. Now I can talk and write about Wyatt without crying. I’ve thought for the past few months that I’d finally completely healed emotionally – and I have felt so much better overall, if I’m honest. Yet… then I read things like this; experiences from other women. Other women that have all too similar experiences and feelings to my own – and the waterworks start. I also still have dreams about David that have me wake with palpitations.
I’m not even sure what my motivation is for sharing this with you today. I used to guard my feelings so much more. I used to not let men see me cry… Now I’m confessing to the world that there have been tears shed here.
Anyway…Thank you, Kezia, for directing me to your blog which in turn led me to this piece of your heart; a glimpse into your life.
Damn it… here come the tears again.