My father tried to save my soul again the other day. The thing is… I am a Christian already, apparently I’m just not the kind of Christian my dad is. He has become a lot more evangelical in the past few years. He wasn’t like this for most of my childhood. We went through hills and valleys as far as being involved and attending churches when I was young – entirely based off of my parent’s spiritual walk at the time or whatever, but even during periods of going to church every Sunday they tended to be more relaxed Christians – at least in front of us kids.
Now my dad takes any chance he can to profess his faith and influence his kids in a godly way. That’s fine I guess… except that I hold to a different theological standpoint than he does.
The most recent issue is this:
Originally I tried to hide the fact that I had written a book from my family simply because my husband was uncomfortable with people knowing about David. He didn’t want family or his friends to realize I had written this book, read it, and then realize I had cheated on him back then.
My godmother accidentally found out when I forgot to hide her from a FB post I made about it – so she told my mom and so I had to tell my dad. At the time I just requested they don’t read it for Jason’s sake. So far they have apparently done as I asked.
Now Jason is a lot more relaxed about the whole thing, so I told my dad he could read that one if he wanted – it had a bit of a Christian message at the end – he might like it. I just told him we still aren’t telling Jason’s parents and then informed him I have released this new book and he may not want to read it because it would likely make him uncomfortable.
His response was something to the effect of “If you’re concerned what your father would think of this, what about your Heavenly Father?” He went on to say that I should only be publishing things that are uplifting and that glorify God.
I hadn’t even told him the title or what it was about yet.
I responded that I just meant that it is a book about my personal relationships and as my DAD he may feel uncomfortable reading the details.
The thing is – I’m am sure the fact that I use swear words and talk about the sex in this book would make him feel like I am not publishing whatever is good and holy or whatever… but you know what? I don’t share that view.
First of all, this is an accounting of events and telling the story of real relationships – it’s not porn. These are events that I am sure my “Heavenly Father” already knows about. Secondly, I am a Christian woman, yes – but that does not negate the fact that I also believe in frank discussions about sex. I believe in frank discussions about relationships. How else will our youth learn?
Whether my dad likes it or not – I had sex as a teen. I had bad relationships starting as a teen. Not all of them were bad, of course – but I made enough poor decisions on my own. I handled an STD on my own. I handled a pregnancy scare on my own. I handled an abusive boyfriend on my own.
It might have been nice to have an adult tell me their experiences. Maybe I would have made some different decisions; maybe not. Maybe at the very least I would have felt that I had an adult or two that I could trust with my problems. Maybe I would have had a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold as I navigated the tumultuous waters that come with real intimate and personal relationships.
Maybe, just maybe, God is okay with me sharing my stories – even if they include premarital sex, swearing… and abuse.