Breathing fire

I’m not quite as angry today. A little pissy maybe when I think hard on it, but not quite as angry. I don’t know about the rest of you … However; Maja, Svea, and a couple of other friends were impressed with the angry Rae. They liked that I “breathed fire” as one of them put it.

You won’t see that often… most people don’t see that often. I tend to hold a lot in, I let a lot slide for too long, and then one catalyst will make me explode and my tongue can bite. People don’t usually see it coming. I’ve gotten mixed reactions over the years – people are impressed or I freak them out. Mostly I’m met with disbelief because it wasn’t even on their radar as a possibility that I can “breathe fire.”

That particular post is one of my highest in terms of viewers to date. It also appears to have the most shares. Whether or not every viewer liked it, I’d venture to say maybe it’s because a lot of people share some similar feelings deep down. I lot of people have been burned in the past like me.

Justin congratulated me on my decision to become agnostic. …Or the decision to acknowledge my agnosticism that I think I’ve always had. It didn’t come as a surprise that he would have that reaction. …but hold your horses, Justin… I’m not completely converted to Atheism like you are. I do still acknowledge there may very well be a higher being – I just don’t believe anyone knows the true nature of god.

The unfortunate thing – the only regret I have in this situation – is that I think I’ve hurt a couple of my Christian friend’s hearts. A couple of them seem to have taken it rough.

I never meant to break anyone’s hearts.

I just… can’t. I just can’t anymore.

This doesn’t mean I won’t still be friends with them. This doesn’t mean I won’t talk theology or that I’ll avoid Christian company. I know not all evangelicals fit the mold of those I direct my fire at. Those I know I can trust, I will still trust.

All in all, I’m having a rough day.

Time for some Eve 6 and a bubble bath I think… and then sleep. Sleep for as long as I can.


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