I don’t know what to do. Also, I need another fake name. I’ve talked about this kid a couple of times before, but never assigned him a name on here (I don’t think.) Ima call him “Leroy” for now – after Eve 6’s “On the Roof Again” song I wrote about recently 🙂
This kid, this kid… I don’t know what to do with him and he’s worrying me. He was doing so well for a couple of months there… now… “Leroy” has injured himself. He wasn’t trying to self-harm exactly… but he punched another wall and this time he broke his hand. They had to reset bones in the ED because apparently some of them were sitting at 45 degree angles.
He is having relationship troubles and they’ve been fighting a lot in the past few weeks. Two nights ago he called me in the middle of the night. He was anxious and depressed – crying because he didn’t want to go back to how he felt earlier in the year. I took him out for lunch yesterday and we chatted. He seemed to be feeling better and had a mature plan of action for how to handle any more potential conflict with his girlfriend. …Then last night they fought again and he punched the wall until his own bones broke.
I tried to help him with relationship advice yesterday without being too pushy with the point of view from where I’m standing. I tried to tell him to consider the relationship as a whole. I told him that from what I see – at the beginning of the relationship he would always smile when he talked about her… but now… the last few times he’s brought her up he hasn’t smiled. I want it to be his decision and that he recognizes if there’s a need for change.
What I really want to do is grab him by the shoulders and shake him. I want to tell him this is a toxic situation and he needs out. I don’t care if she has emotional issues too! I mean… well, I do care… it’s just that they are not doing each other any favours if they are going to clash and rage against each other like this. He needs out, he needs to take care of himself before worrying about others.
How do you tell a guy this without him being deaf to your concerns? He is more than a decade my junior and while I know he knows I’ve lived life and I have dealt with many types of relationship situations – I’m afraid if I get too vocal and try to put my foot down, he’ll shut down to me.
It needs to be his decision. I need to word my concerns carefully and acknowledge his mixed emotions about the girl. …He doesn’t want me to think she’s all bad. She’s baked him custard pies and there were a few other good things he told me about her…
I told him earlier in the year he should seek professional help. He didn’t want to then, he was afraid of a diagnosis. I told him even so I would be there to listen and give advice if I could – but he likely would need some meds at some point.
I’ve told him if he doesn’t go to headspace this very week, I would drive his ass there myself. He says he promises he’ll go. He says he’s taking his girlfriend too.
Goddammit, Leroy, you need to get better.