depression

Goddamnit, I can’t.

I was in such a good mood earlier today – most of the day. Then this evening something happened and it all spiraled down. I’ve had my angry inhaling of a couple cigarettes. I’ve had my slamming of doors. I’ve had my tears. I curled up on the couch and watched “Short Term 12” and had more tears (but oh such a good movie…)

None of it’s helping. I want to write it out but I can’t.

I want to express my rage and I want to express the weight I feel pulling my heart down into my stomach, but I can’t. I want to express the worry rising in my throat that the past has come back to haunt me… us.

But I can’t.

I can’t write it.

Goddamnit, I can’t.

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