I had made a conscious choice not to wear a particular chain around my neck since I declared my agnosticism for once and for all. It’s a chain that holds a clutter of amulets… a small colorful cross I’ve had since I was a young teen, a guardian angel, my class ring, a Mother Mary pendent, and St Catherine of Sweden pendent, and my favorite one – a WWII military coin pendent that states on one side “Loyalty to Christ and Country” and on the other “In case of need notify Lutheran Chaplin.”
Not hard to imagine why I made that conscious decision.
But then I wrote about Dane and telling him about everything and him trying to counsel me… and I absent mindedly put it right back on this morning.
I’ve been absent mindedly playing with it and biting on the coin when I have something on my mind – a habit that has saved my finger nails a few times….
What am I doing… I don’t feel like I want to be Christian, I feel like… at the moment… agnosticism fits. Yet… it’s almost as though I have a knee jerk reaction to want to circle back, fall back into the habit, and please Dane. What am I doing…