I got a memory notification today that had some random numbers where a name would have been tagged and though it noted three comments only one showed up – one I wrote that was clearly in response to something.
At first I was wondering who the crap I tagged that was no longer there. It took me a while… then I remembered.
God… It was Wyatt. Around that time we got back in touch briefly. It threw me off for a minute because my tone was nice and bubbly. But then I put together the conversation to an extent – in which the last time I had seen him was mentioned.
Geez, I mean it’s not really odd I would have been nice and bubbly – I’ve written before (at least in my book, not sure about here? Though probably here too..) that the thought of being honest with him terrified the hell out of me – even though I knew he was hundreds of miles away. Of course I naturally reverted to the manic pixie dream girl stereotype that I could be with him.
Even though I stated “LOL I feel like I shouldn’t really know you anymore as it has been 13 years since we originally knew each other – yet, in reconnecting with you – you seem exactly the same. It’s nice that one can depend on you to be yourself.” I was really saying OMG You’re exactly the same and I’m not sure how to handle this right now…
On that note, I also got into a big discussion over the past 24 hours on my page regarding a picture that royally pissed me off. It said something about keeping your hands off of ‘her’ if you don’t have the intention to marry her… basically it said leave another man’s “future” alone.
My issue with this way of thinking is the insinuation that this decision is up to the guy, which opens the insinuation of the woman being viewed more like property or otherwise lesser than the man in the relationship.
Why not tell her to keep her hands off of another woman’s future?
I think you all know by now how I was burned by the evangelical church – but even so, I don’t really have an issue with the idea of abstinence before marriage… I mean I didn’t abstain, so I don’t feel like I could preach that to anyone… and honestly I’m glad I got some experience to know better when, say, Sven asked me to marry him. But either way it’s a nice ideal I suppose.
The issue I really have in this discussion is that one should date only with the intent to marry. There are too many youth that take this idea seriously and it bothers me that these youth would then marry the first or second boy/girlfriend that they have. They haven’t had time to practice relationships. It’s not the sex that bugs me… it’s the emotions. It’s the assumption that certain behaviors must be normal because they are in love or committed or whatever. Maybe someone might also be embarrassed to admit when their fairy tale isn’t how they thought it would be – because they’ve done what they should and dated sparingly and married early.
Of course every marriage has difficulties that have to be worked through…
But my first boyfriend loved me. I loved him. My first boyfriend was supposedly committed to me. I was committed to him. My first boyfriend would hit me when he got jealous. I thought that must be how love worked. My first boyfriend controlled who I was friends with. I thought he obviously cared enough to protect me. My first boyfriend screamed the words “Slut” and “Whore” in my face. I thought that was his right to reprimand me. My first boyfriend asked me to marry him. I said yes.
It literally terrifies me what some of these kids are thinking when they are so in love and want to take it all so seriously. Like they think they’ll be lasting a long time. Maybe they will. Maybe they’ll have a wonderful marriage worthy of the story books.
Maybe they’ll get in too deep before they’ve had time to see what kinds of people are really out there. Maybe they’ll drown before they find out a relationship doesn’t have to be toxic.
Maybe they’ll be too embarrassed to tell their peers or their family that the relationship they waited and prayed for is quite literally killing them.