Deep-Seated Wishes

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I can’t be the only one. I’m sure I’m not. I’m sure that there are others like me that wish we could live our life again.

There’s so many things I want to change, so many decisions I want to reverse.  I know what you’re thinking – you think I am talking about changing things like my relationship with Wyatt or getting involved with David. No… No it’s not that at all. Those are some major plot points in my life and to end up the person I am today, I don’t think I could change those things. I want to change mostly minor things.

I don’t want my overall self to change; I don’t really want to change the end result I have come up with (thus far.)

Maybe I am unique in that aspect – I don’t know. I would guess most people that wish to relive their life are looking to change their major plot points…

I just want to live some moments a little differently. I want to go back and tell that person I loved them. I want to go to that party I missed. I want to pass on particular jobs that ended up just aggravating me and didn’t help my resume anyway. I want to pick that other university or perhaps figure out a way to stay in Stockholm that little bit longer. I want to go back and form better habits.

I want to go back and be less timid in moments it mattered. I want to smoke one more cigarette with him. I want to  steal that kiss in the moment I wished I could kiss him. I want to have given myself fully to him, grabbed his hand and pulled him around back… Knowing full well he wouldn’t be mine forever; but he was mine in that moment. I want to disregard everything  else and savour just a few more moments of my life with that boy.

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