(As promised… a narrative. Explicit language used liberally, FYI. )
When was my last period?
The thought dawned on me suddenly.
Counting back, trying to remember…
I think it was around Kate’s birthday? …Right? No?
…Yes, yes it was… 1…2…3…4…5…
Fuck, I would be a week or so late by now.
Should I say something to him?
No. Shit. Don’t do that unless you’re sure, Chris.
Well, now you need to go to the store…
Tomorrow. I’ll go tomorrow, I’ve got shit to do today.
Buuuuut…. Fuck. I need to know.
What if I am? What will I do? God…
Keep it I guess?
I mean, I’ll come to terms with it, right? I’ll be happy enough by the time I have it, right?
Shut up! Shut up, Christine! You’re not necessarily pregnant yet! Just go to the damn store!
Fuck those are expensive.
$20 and be sure or $7 and possibly not know if the lines are faint?
Money or sanity?
Well, $7 could turn into more if I have to get another one or go to the doctor to check.
Hell, I’ll end up at the doctor anyway if it’s positive…
Fuck it. Digital. Decision made. Let’s go, Chris.
If I go use the chemist’s toilet, I’ll know right away. That’s not weird, is it? Will the cashier guess what I’m doing in there? I guess it makes sense anyway… I’ll just know and then can get on with my day…
Good, a stall is free. Okay… lady in the next stall… leave please…. I don’t think opening this packaging will sound like feminine hygiene product to you.
Oh, so embarrassing. Why didn’t I just do this at home?
Urinate… midstream… clock flashing means it’s working…3 minutes. Ok, I will know for sure in 3 minutes. 3 minutes that’s all.
Why isn’t the clock flashing… oh, there we go.
I am so glad we have pee-on-the-stick technology nowadays. If I had to use the kit like Erica, the Degrassi High chick, I’d probably screw it up.
Sometimes I’m glad I was born when I was.
I wonder if my mom had to use one of those kits.
Clock still flashing… HURRY UUUUP.
I’m glad they don’t have to kill rabbits anymore either.
I wonder if I would have felt bad about that if I lived in the 50s.
Probably not. I’d want to know and if that was the only way…
Ok, if I don’t pay attention it will go faster. I wonder what’s on facebook…
Geez, I need a new screen protector… glad I have it though, look at those scratches…
Nothing new… Instagram? …Nothing new…
Maybe it’s been long enough… a quick peek won’t hurt…
OH THANK GOD! (Did I yell that out loud?!)
Oh sweet relief… I’d kiss you… except… ewww… No, I’m good.
…Now… where is that period…?