Damn, Son…

Jimmy posted a picture of himself and his daughter on FB – they were dressed up for some formal occasion and my first thought was “Well, Jimmy cleans up nice…” I commented that he had a gorgeous date, because he did. And I wondered to myself if I missed out on something not acting on my crush impulses when I was 16.

Nah, I don’t think I could trade what I have now… But sometimes I feel like I missed out on experiences I would have loved to have had… even if they didn’t end well. Ha, actually if I ever did get somewhere with Jimmy at 16 – Justin probably wouldn’t be talking to me even now. Probably for the best 😉

Even so… Even so… I wish I had been more impulsive or more forthright sometimes when it came to a lot of the boys I liked. Maybe that would have worked in my favor, maybe not… I have a feeling that Jimmy would not have necessarily gone for me. He might also have been dating someone else at the time too… though I’m not sure and I guess that doesn’t always matter in the grand scheme of things…

I’ve also alluded before that I regret not sleeping with Dan – though that was not necessarily my choice. If opportunity arose I would totally have hit that, lol… But even now, I have just deleted him from my FB; essentially deleting him from my life… and it’s still a regret. So I’ve had to step away from him again, that doesn’t change the fact that I regret not getting further and having those shared experiences.

I wish I got further with Pär and I have a feeling we would have if it hadn’t have been for the crazy girlfriend and his crushing fear of leaving her. His fear that she would injure herself or me; perhaps his fear of the unknown.

I wish I had the opportunity to naturally chat up that other guy I school I’d see in the courtyard… Joel? I think that’s what his name was, but we didn’t really know each other and the brief encounter we had proved he seemed uncomfortable using his English.

God, I wish I wasn’t so old already. I wish I still had time to create more memories of playing the field. I’m probably romanticizing a bit and I would feel the opposite if the conditions were reversed… Though I know not everything would be a good experience overall… but to have the experience – that is to have lived.

So I’m over here, 33 years old, looking at an old crush’s photo on FB. …Jimmy, this isn’t an invitation. Obviously we’re both married with kids and besides which any chance I might possibly have had would be long loooong gone, I know… But still, I’m gonna have to say what I couldn’t say when I was 16:

“Damn, Son, you look fine.”

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