I mentioned Dane in passing during a conversation last night. I was discussing about what an ass I can be to my friends – in love… I’m an ass that acts out out of love… Haha. If I flick my middle finger at you, or call you dumb or any other derogatory term to your face chances are it is a term of endearment from me. I might threaten kicking someone in the nads or say “Well, Fuck you too, Man!” …in love. Much as Dan used to lick faces and growl, I have an odd way of showing my love or like or whatever you want to call it. Maybe it’s not all that weird, but not everyone can handle it.
Dane is a tough guy and can take and give his ribbing usually, but the day I let slip a “What? Are you dumb?” in response to something silly he said or did he let me have it. That was off the table. Nothing to do with his intelligence could be joked about.
To me it was a term of endearment; I had only ever said that to Maja and Svea – they had also said it to me plenty of times. It was a reflex when I said it to him because I did care for him and there were few people I was comfortable enough to say it to.
I dunno why it bothered him so much more than anything else I might have said. Dude had a Bachelors in Nuclear Engineering (and is currently working on his Masters). Obviously dude has smarts. I obviously knew he had smarts.
So I mentioned Dane in conversation.
It made me miss him. I haven’t talked to him in a millennia it feels like. I find myself wondering what he’s doing when he doesn’t pick up his phone or answer emails. It worries me sometimes because he goes through phases of not communicating with anyone, let alone me, and it worries me when he does. But he also goes through phases of being ridiculously busy so maybe it’s just that.
I’m also going through a period of feeling very lonely. I have hardly any really good friends locally. The few I have are preparing to leave or have left already… One I thought I was really good friends with I have had to step away from when I realized a betrayal.
Maja, Svea, and Dane… all too far away. Though at least Maja and Svea are on Facebook and Skype often enough… it’s just not the same. I need some new friends. Like, really good friends…. I feel like I need a local Maja, a local Svea… and especially a local Dane.
I miss him too much for my own good.