I was talking to Maja about old movies tonight. I mentioned an ’80s movie I watched after a long time last night – and how horrified I was at one part. I always expect ’80s movies to get away with so much more than movies do today, yet this one part just… no. I’ll write about that next, but for this post: Maja mentioned to me the movie Fear.
“You remember Fear, Rae? You used to watch that movie a lot.”
“Oh yeah, I remember.”
I also remember when I first told her about Wyatt a couple of years ago that she said “No wonder you seemed so drawn to the movie Fear.”
At that point I had nearly forgotten about the movie and it had been so long since I had seen it – but images came flooding back. Images of Mark Wahlberg beating his own chest or beating up her male friend.
When she brought it up this evening, I looked it up for the first time in forever and realized that it came out in 1996. I hadn’t recalled when I first saw it. I never connected the dots myself that I was first watching that movie at the very same time I was living an abusive relationship with a manipulative 16+ year old boy myself.
But Wyatt never tried to break into my house and murder my family, so I didn’t see the similarities to my own situation. I didn’t recognize it, not really. Even as I saw the worst case scenario playing out on the screen in front of me – I didn’t or couldn’t count myself as akin to Nicole living with a real life David.
But subconsciously I connected, and I watched that movie several times over several years.
It’s been a very long time, but now I am going to spare myself 2 hours to watch it again – this time with my eyes wide open. Let’s hope they don’t fill with tears.