Fuckin’ A, Man… Fuckin’ A

**Liberal use of explicit language**

I just watched Fear for the first time in… oh, I dunno… at least a decade, maybe more like 15 years.

I messaged Maja several times during the movie – “Fuckin’ A” coming from my keyboard more than once.

So many fucking similarities to my relationship with Wyatt. A bit more extreme in some parts, a bit more whirlwind and over much more quickly… but similarities there were.

Fuck, Man.

“The scene where he was fingering her… fucking memories man…” I typed to Maja.

I don’t know why I couldn’t recognize it for what it was at the time. Did I somehow get further influenced in the moment because I watched Margot say “So he hit you – sometimes that’s their asshole way of showing they love you.”

Obviously one fucking line from one fucking movie wouldn’t have brainwashed me. Obviously there was more fucking issues that led to the way I perceived my relationship with Wyatt.

But I see my connection to that movie so much more clearly now. I swore liberally through the movie and to Maja’s inbox, as little things made me think of Wyatt. A memory here, a fucking nightmare there.

Fucking box of roses.

Fucking panties.

Fucking hands grabbing her inner thighs.

Fucking bruises.

Fucking helping parents with the fucking yard work.

Motherfucking sweet talking bastard trying to keep her away from other male friends….

“I just want to protect you, baby” Fucking spew.

But I didn’t really lose it until I saw David manhandle Margot (the girl’s BFF) and accuse her of saying something to Nicole about them having had sex before saying “You better fix it. You better make it right, because if you don’t I’m going to hurt you.”

FUCK, MAN

This movie has officially crossed over to two men in my past. It’s a pseudonym, I think you all know, but I fucking named him “David” in my writing and the last time we communicated he accused me of telling the girl he liked “about us [having sex]” and then said to me “You better fix this, you better hope you can change her mind.” Directly after telling me “You know I always get what I want, if you stand in my way I will fucking crush you. I will stomp you out, mark my words.”

I can’t even. I just can’t even.

I need a fucking drink.

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14 Comments

  1. Pingback: What in the Actual F*ck? | I Will Not Live in Vain

  2. Pingback: ‘Golden Age of Movies’ or Rae’s fave films over the years | I Will Not Live in Vain

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