Best of, David, Maja, memoir, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Fuckin’ A, Man… Fuckin’ A

**Liberal use of explicit language**

I just watched Fear for the first time in… oh, I dunno… at least a decade, maybe more like 15 years.

I messaged Maja several times during the movie – “Fuckin’ A” coming from my keyboard more than once.

So many fucking similarities to my relationship with Wyatt. A bit more extreme in some parts, a bit more whirlwind and over much more quickly… but similarities there were.

Fuck, Man.

“The scene where he was fingering her… fucking memories man…” I typed to Maja.

I don’t know why I couldn’t recognize it for what it was at the time. Did I somehow get further influenced in the moment because I watched Margot say “So he hit you – sometimes that’s their asshole way of showing they love you.”

Obviously one fucking line from one fucking movie wouldn’t have brainwashed me. Obviously there was more fucking issues that led to the way I perceived my relationship with Wyatt.

But I see my connection to that movie so much more clearly now. I swore liberally through the movie and to Maja’s inbox, as little things made me think of Wyatt. A memory here, a fucking nightmare there.

Fucking box of roses.

Fucking panties.

Fucking hands grabbing her inner thighs.

Fucking bruises.

Fucking helping parents with the fucking yard work.

Motherfucking sweet talking bastard trying to keep her away from other male friends….

“I just want to protect you, baby” Fucking spew.

But I didn’t really lose it until I saw David manhandle Margot (the girl’s BFF) and accuse her of saying something to Nicole about them having had sex before saying “You better fix it. You better make it right, because if you don’t I’m going to hurt you.”

FUCK, MAN

This movie has officially crossed over to two men in my past. It’s a pseudonym, I think you all know, but I fucking named him “David” in my writing and the last time we communicated he accused me of telling the girl he liked “about us [having sex]” and then said to me “You better fix this, you better hope you can change her mind.” Directly after telling me “You know I always get what I want, if you stand in my way I will fucking crush you. I will stomp you out, mark my words.”

I can’t even. I just can’t even.

I need a fucking drink.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Fuckin’ A, Man… Fuckin’ A”

      1. Yup I have a fair few friends there… one of my bffs from primary school lives in London, I have a handful of friends in Harrogate, and a friend in Manchester area… and we had to move back due to an issue with my husband’s job. He’s now in process of switching companies and moving us to Wisconsin

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That must be so upsetting to have to move back for work reasons and all that. Will you try and get back to Aus?
        Now you have one more friend in the UK from near Cambridge ☺

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It was pretty upsetting and very quick… within three weeks we were back Stateside 😔 I dunno if we’ll go back, that was the second time for me living in that town… hoping to get the kids to Europe in coming years as soon as I’m able… so crossing fingers for that. I used to live in England myself; my school was “situated on the borders of Buckinghamshire, Oxfordshire, and Northamptonshire” lol though I can’t remember exactly within which of those I lived 😂 I was only 7/8 or so at the time

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yup I do remember rain 😂 but I mostly remember my school and going to my friend Gemma’s farm and another friend, Henry’s, house. …and playing with the kids in my neighbourhood… yeah I have quite a few memories… went back to England for a visit when I was 14 or 15… I want them growing up with a wider world view in general… and several of my best memories are Europe/Scandinavia… basically I’m not too picky about where, I has preferences, but being in Europe makes it easier to travel to where I want to go back to and to visit friends in general

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s