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Doing my morning self an injustice

Heavy eyes staring at my almost empty coffee mug while I silently will the caffeine to kick in. I stayed up much too late again last night. I mentally kick myself for doing my morning self this injustice… I do it mentally because I am too weak from exhaustion to actually kick myself.

I finish off the last sip and think dammit. Sigh…. I need more coffee.  I slowly move my head to look at the door as I wonder if I have the will enough to get up, walk down the hall, and you know… actually make it.

No, I need to conserve my energy for kickboxing tonight. I have to make myself go… if I don’t go when I can, I will end up slacking off and it would be harder to make myself go back.

Music is within arm’s reach… Maybe I can listen to something upbeat to perk me up. I wonder if there’s chocolate in my drawer…

No! NO! (Now I mentally slap my own hand away from the chocolate… still much too weak to do it for real.) Fuck, Rae… We talked about this.

Sigh.

Screw it. I can make it to the kitchen.

New Coffee and some upbeat music… That will get me through the afternoon.

I think.

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