This weekend at Jiu Jitsu training, we had a new lady start. As we were talking she said something I’ve heard before – she imparted the advice her boyfriend had given her. He said that all fights eventually get taken to the ground, so it would be a benefit for her to do Jiu Jitsu as well…. as it is primarily a ground defense sport.
This is the same thing that coach said as well, when I first went to try out the women’s self defense seminar he ran.
The thing is, in my experience, anytime I’ve been full on assaulted by a man it hasn’t gone to the ground – it goes against a wall. This has happened multiple times. I suppose I’m lucky none of these incidents ended on the ground – likely would have should something not have happened to stop the assaults or if they had had the intent to ultimately take me down. As Karl from MDTA taught me – an assailant will work to an outcome. If their intent is to kill regardless, for example, compliance and talking wouldn’t do much to save your life.
These men haven’t intended to kill me, thank goodness… because fact is I was too weak against them and wouldn’t have stood a chance. So the question remains for me… How do I get away from him when he gets me up against a wall?
Here’s how I ‘got out’ in the past… These examples are obviously not ideal and no guarantee to work…
The most common hold a man has ever had on me is to grab both of my wrists. When up against a wall, he’ll push his whole body weight towards me and pin them at around head level.If I push back enough I have been able to hold them as a barrier between our bodies for a time, but usually he is stronger and pushes them out to the wall eventually. I’ve also experienced one wrist held that way, while his other hand goes around my neck.
Wyatt did this to me before, and David did similar… not against a wall, but in the enclosed space of a vehicle he grabbed my wrist and pulled me in too close towards him making it difficult to get away. In fact, pulling in close by the wrists is another common experience if a wall is not in use… but I digress.
With Wyatt and David the defense was simple. Plead, beg, apologize… Don’t fight back; wait for them to calm down and hope it didn’t get worse.
When I was held against a wall in the dark corner of a club, there were two men and their intent was rape. I attempted to struggle – unsuccessfully – and scream to a room that could not hear me. The only way I got out of that was because a friend came looking for me and took them by surprise. That is hardly an ideal plan.
The last time I was held standing against a hard surface, both wrists were held back again. Again he put all his weight against me. This time was different though. This time I attempted to fight back. I refused to be compliant and I screamed at him. I recall screaming something to the effect of “No! No! This is not happening to me again!”
I was not strong enough to get away. The only way I got out was that he suddenly realized he had gone too far. He let go and I put distance between us and told him to get the fuck out as he tried to apologize.
To be honest, I’ve written about this incident previously on this blog. I wrote in in third person in hopes that people would assume it was a fiction piece. If one knew it wasn’t fiction it would be all too clear who this man was and I wanted to protect his reputation a bit.
These defenses have found me lucky… That’s all. None of these things I tried actually saved me. None of these defenses can be depended on in any given situation.
So I mentioned to coach I wanted to learn defense against a wall. I assumed that there wouldn’t be much in BJJ, but thought maybe there would be things to be taught through MMA. I was wrong, he said BJJ does in fact have wall defense moves and he said we’d go through them in class this week. What a rockstar he is, hey?
I was telling some other girls that have started kickboxing, but not yet tried the BJJ classes and they said they want to learn this too… and at the same time captured the interest of another lady who said she wants to come Monday to check it all out. Clearly, there is a market past my own interest in the subject.
Anyway, so just as yet I cannot truly answer “How do I get away from him when he gets me up against a wall?” However; I will hopefully have some answers to share on this topic by the end of the week.