depression, Excerise, Uncategorized

Work, Sleep, and Jiu Jitsu

I don’t know how this happened. My blog used to be all memories, relationships, and themes regarding mostly domestic abuse and depression.

Now… Fitness? Kickboxing? MMA? BJJ? Who the fuck would have thought?

It’s veering in a way I wouldn’t have dreamed it would go when I started this blog. I mean… I am so lazy. Always have been, especially when it comes to sport. Stamina? What is that?

I remember walking along the path with Maja while our PE teacher was out of sight… and all other classmates were far ahead of us during a run in a park. I remember telling her I actually did want to work on building the stamina to actually do that particular activity… but, oh… running… still the bane of my existence.

I wanted to be able to run full speed on a fully inclined treadmill for 15 mins just like a classmate of ours could do… but, damn, my lack of motivation to even try.

It’s just always been that way. A wish I could be sporty – actually good at something physical – but a severe lack of motivation at the thought of actually trying. I’d go through phases of trying to exercise for exercise sake… But the motivation would fizzle out, because my GOD with the running and the workout videos and …the lack of stamina.

I would watch sports sometimes with some interest – football, basketball, UFC – whatever my friends or boyfriends wanted to watch…. but not enough to actually follow teams or athletes with any real attention to detail.

I suppose this fact is what caused my husband to be so surprised when I could tell him who Beckham was (is) and what team he came from when he and Posh moved to the US. Haha. Even now at 13 years of marriage, my husband still looks at me incredulously when I let on that I know or like something he doesn’t think I should/would… But that is a conversation for another time.

So here I am, 33 years old, and OMG… not only participating in sport(s), but actually enjoying it. Actually consistently showing up  and maintaining motivation for more than just a couple of weeks.

My husband looked at me like I was crazy last week when he realized how committed I’d become and all the equipment/appropriate apparel I had been buying. I think he actually is a little proud of me though, because of all the other times I’ve said I’d workout and then given up or not even started.

I’ve got my necessary motivations now, and I’ve found sports and a gym I actually like and want to show up for. I might actually make it this time. I might actually lose the weight again, and I might actually – finally – build some real muscle. Here’s hoping.

Anyway, apologies to the longstanding followers who only wanted to read about my boys or connected purely with my posts about depression or domestic violence. Apologies if I talk too much about my sports of choice… But consider this: consider MMA to be somewhat a cure for depression – I’ve read more than one article that claim this and have found that it certainly does help if nothing else – and consider the stance of the skills gained being utilized to build confidence and abilities in self-defense… Maybe, then, I haven’t gone so far off topic 😉

Bear with me, as I go down this new path. I’ll still write occasionally about other topics relating to the past and present… But for now, all my life is is Work, Sleep, and Jiu Jitsu.



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