I have a pet peeve… not so much a pet peeve I suppose; more something that initially annoys me and then makes me feel sorry for people – in the end not affecting my personal feelings terribly much.
But as I write about relationships sometimes – and have so far become that person for several people to ask relationship advice of – I thought I’d share my two cents on the matter.
You may or may not agree with me and as I always tell my advice seekers (mostly friends and my youth cadets) that I can only give advice based off of what I am told/can perceive but that it doesn’t mean my opinion will work in every situation. Take it with a grain of salt, consider it, and then decide for yourself what you think to be the best course of action – after all, you (generally) know your significant other better than I do.
That being said, I have been told that my advice is generally sound and have had people tell others to “Go talk to Rae, she’s good with this stuff.” Haha…
So anyway, I’ve come across a common problem again and thought I’d share my two cents with you all. Take it, leave it… Whatever… At least you’ll know where I stand on the matter.
For fuck’s sake ladies.
Come on now with the automatic jealousy. I get it, I do… a lot of guys do have their heads easily turned, and there may very well be plenty of ladies that want to attempt to take your man… But when you make it so that he can’t acknowledge female friends in public or add female friends to his social media without fear of upsetting you… or feel the need to drop their female friends in favour of the hopes to keep you as a girlfriend… Well, you look insecure. You also appear controlling and make him appear pussy-whipped. We all know here what I think of controlling men; my feelings are much the same when it’s reversed. Don’t fucking do it.
Insecurity is an ugly bitch. Don’t let her make you appear so yourself.
If a guy is gonna cheat, he’ll do it anyway. He’ll find a way to hide it from you. So don’t punish the decent guys that have no intent to cheat… and, please…. What’s the harm in noticing other girls if he’s not being vulgar to them or actively ignoring you in favour of them? What’s the harm if he’s ultimately coming home to you? (Please trust I do not expect a double standard, if you are comfortable with it that way, then he should be comfortable when the roles are reversed.)
I’ve mentioned before I lost a good friend, Thomas, to a woman like that. She forced him to cut it off completely. I’ve had a couple instances similar – especially when it comes to meeting new people and the guy seems really nice, but then shuns me when his girlfriend finds out he met me.
Pär snuck around to still talk to me occasionally, fighting with her sometimes, until eventually his fighting spirit was broken… Then I lost him too. To be fair, I suppose, I don’t think his intentions were completely pure – but still, we had only ever been friends in reality.
But ladies, also please note, that if this guy’s female friend is very important to him, he will keep her as best he can. He might hide her from you. Is that what you’d prefer?
I’ve been in that situation too. Dane, in fact, has done that with me simply to avoid arguments.
I wrote about her briefly before; not sure if I stated anything particularly about this before. I don’t remember now if I left them up or made them private when I did the clean up – so let me reiterate:
This woman. This woman… Thought that after dating him for just a month or so could come in and tell him not to speak to his BFF of 7 or 8 years.
Was this bitch even serious? I was the one who advised him to pursue her over another girl, even. I had initially been on her side. She never met me, but was so obviously insecure that she felt the need to yell at him if he picked up a phone call from me in her presence. Because I was a woman. That’s all. She was clearly threatened by me (as she should be acting like that.)
She was lucky I did not make a mission of getting rid of her. I said my piece to Dane, but had since made it a rule not to actively rid him of ridiculous women. I’ve had my hand in his break ups before – he holds my opinion and his sister’s opinion of women very highly. But this one – I said my piece, but told him he needed to make the decision on his own and I would support whatever he felt was right. (I decided I no longer wanted to be that person that might be standing in his way. I decided I don’t want him to end up resenting me… though in the past he has always ended up agreeing with my assessments.)
So this woman told him not to answer calls from me. So you know what he did? He told me to call him in the mornings when he was getting ready for work. We’d chat while he drove to work, while he drank his coffee… while he was putting his pants on… whatever. Is that better? She’d rather us talk as he’s getting out of the shower and putting pants on?
There was a whole lot else I didn’t like about this woman as the relationship wore on, but this directly affected me and it pissed me off that I couldn’t call him whenever I damn well pleased… and I respected his request because I didn’t want him to cop it from her if I called at inopportune times. He wouldn’t have picked up anyway, but he still wouldn’t have heard the end of it if she saw me on the caller ID.
Guess who is still in his life and who isn’t?
So I feel sorry for these boys. It annoys me when I find out there is such a situation, especially when I meet new people, but then I end up feeling sorry for him and ultimately sorry that these women must be so freaking insecure. The annoyance only really stays with me when it affects me on an ongoing basis like it did with Dane. Though the more I encounter it, the more annoying it gets.
So, there you go ladies. Stop it. Seriously. Stop it. It’s gonna start pissing me off for real soon.
If a guy is gonna cheat, he’s gonna cheat. Let him… and move on to someone else that won’t. There are good guys out there that can legitimately be friends with other women and won’t let anything happen because they do, in fact, love you. Trust in that and stop with the jealousy and the insecurity.
Jealousy and Insecurity are both fuck ugly bitches.