Several years ago I had a man tell me that I wasn’t his type. That in and of itself was not a terrible thing – I’ve had several guys say that at some point… Not entirely pleasant either… buuuut…. With this man it really stung. It was the way he said it. It made me feel like shit, quite honestly.
We had previously been friends and I had never considered a romantic or any other form of relationship with him. Quite honestly again, I liked him a lot, but I didn’t feel attractive enough to turn his eye anyway.
It wasn’t until he pursued me that I paused and thought … Wait… WTF? He’s looking at me in a sexual way? Wait… wait… What?
To have had him insinuate I wasn’t his “type” when we were just friends would have been different… But the fact was that he pursued me. I got in too deep with him too fast and dude then let his abusive tendencies show very quickly. Like somehow having been friends for a few years prior had been enough of a work up to treat me the way he did so soon.
By the time he said he “didn’t even know why” he was with me and that I wasn’t his “type,” I had already realized I wanted nothing more to do with him in as far as being anything more then friends… and I was still on the fence about that.
For some reason he came up in conversation with Maja a couple days ago. I mentioned something about hearing his wife had given birth somewhat recently and her curiosity piqued. So I searched for a picture and sent a screenshot to her.
“Ummm, Emma….” She said, “She looks just like you.”
“Well, yeah… her mouth is different… but nose up that’s you.”
Natural hair colour similar to mine… Similar glasses…
“Yeeaahh… I guess you’re right.”
I then told her about the above incident and how shit he made me feel… and also how he apparently abused his first wife.
“First wife?” Maja asked.
“Hold on… I’ll see if I can find a pic of her too.”
So I sent her another screenshot. This time she said this girl, while not looking as close to me as his current girl, could easily be my sister.
“Obviously he said all that shit to you to make himself feel better… You obviously are his type.”
And you know what? This feels really stupid to admit… Given that I’ve just told you all what an asswipe he was/is…. But that actually lifted my self-esteem a little bit. Even though he is a flaming pile of a human being… (Sorry… getting a little bit hateful there… ) it was comments like that and worse from various sources that tore down my self esteem a little at a time. Now realizing that a man I did find attractive – I honestly can’t deny that he is still a good looking specimen – actually found me attractive and his hateful words were meaningless …Well… It helps.
He’s still an asshole in my mind though. Don’t get me wrong…. If the opportunity had presented itself for long term with him I would have turned it down. I just hope he treats girl-that-looks-like-me better than he treated me and his first wife (and who knows the fuck else he treated poorly in relationships.) I seriously doubt he has changed… But I suppose there is always hope.