Adventures in Dating, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Not Ever Going To Leave

I’ve mentioned before that I have a keepsake from Wyatt that I have never been able to let go of, even in about 20 years. It is a small glass jug filled with purple glitter from the ren faire….

I never have mentioned, though, that the jug is not the only thing I still have.

This item is not something I think on much usually, because most often it is half hidden in the mess of my daughter’s room. But it’s here. Somewhere along the way I decided to keep the big Winnie the Pooh he bought me one year for Christmas. 

That year, must have been 1996, my grandmother also gifted me the very same Winnie the Pooh, but I had already received this one from Wyatt… so I took the one from her back to the store an exchanged it for a matching Tigger.

Yet, only god knows where that Tigger is now. I’ve kept the bear from an abusive boy and lost the Tigger from a loving family member along the way.

So far I’ve maintained resisting the urge to reach out to him as I mentioned in my last post… but I can’t help but wonder if he even recognised his behaviour. I’m wondering if I was just a royal bitch to drop that message on him a couple years ago telling him I didn’t want a response… Denying him a right of reply.

I’m trying to push the nostalgia feelings away and hold on to the bad memories to keep me strong in the resolve to not contact him.

Fuck, man. 

He’s always going to be a part of me. Even if I eventually get rid of Pooh and the glass trinket… he’s not ever going to leave my head for good.

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9 thoughts on “Not Ever Going To Leave”

  1. But he does not have to rule the rest of your life. Do not EVER feel guilty about surviving. It may be a good idea to get rid of those things, for your own sanity. You did NOTHING wrong!! Please, keep trying to tell yourself that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m trying… I’ve thought about getting rid of those items a few times over the past year or two and just can’t bring myself to do it… yet. They’ve just been with me so long and survived through so many moves, house clean outs, and through Hurricane Katrina where I lost pretty much everything else… Though Pooh might still have been at my mum’s house guaranteeing his survival… anyway. Just feels like I’m supposed to have them with me now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I tend to feel that way… I think I mentioned when I first wrote about the glass jug that it’s kind of like a reminder now never to let myself get in such a situation again. Though it took awhile for me to recognise why I had kept that item specifically since I denied the abuse factor to myself for so long

        Liked by 1 person

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