Resisting the Urge to Apologise

Yesterday morning I got a facebook memory notification that brought up a status in which Wyatt had commented when we were briefly in touch again 6 years ago.

Fuck, but I hate memory notifications sometimes. I let my curiosity get the best of me, and I tapped his name so his profile popped up. I was confused because the last time I looked his name was different on facebook. Last time was when I sent him a message telling him how I really remembered the relationship. The last time I looked, I told him he was abusive.

Turns out he has two Facebook accounts. Though now the names match again. I wonder why…. My gut instinct would be the cheating thing. We all know he was prone to that…

Whats really bothering me is this though: I scrolled through his older account and came across some images that reminded me of his old self (in general he is not as attractive to me as a grown up than he had been as a teen…) – pictures of him playing his bass guitar and one in particular that showed off his gentle looking eyes…. “looking” being the operative word.

Why would this even bother me, you ask? Because for some reason I suddenly felt guilty for having sent that message a couple years ago calling him abusive. Suddenly I felt bad for possibly having hurt his feelings. It’s crap. I know.

I’m currently resisting the urge to reach out and apologise even though I am fully aware I have nothing to apologise for.

What in hell is wrong with me?

Advertisements

10 Comments

    • That’s what I hope… he got married and has a step daughter now so I always hoped that maybe my words would have clicked and made him recognise his own behaviours… I don’t know that he’s changed anyway. When he told me he was with his then girlfriend, now wife, he told me he was still in love with me… so at least his cheating ways weren’t changed. I’m just struggling right now with what feels like an innate need to apologise to him and make him feel better even though we haven’t been together for nearly 20 years.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s