I’ve raised a question to myself that I’m having a difficult time answering. I’ve found that my actions can be awfully contradictory to what I say – what I write- on this blog.
I write a fair bit about rape culture and rail against the misogynistic undertones of our society… and yet…
I’ve told you before I can be quite the flirt. Vulgar things no doubt escape my mouth; especially when I am comfortable in my surroundings.
I’ve told you before that in the bed room I not only let, but I encourage, men to call me such things as “dirty slut” or “whore.”
Herein lies the questioning of myself and my values. Not only do I encourage them to demean me so, I also tend to encourage their feelings of entitlement over myself and my body.
But, Rae, you might say – as long as it’s consensual there’s no problem with that!
I would agree with you.
Yet when I am being the most saucy of flirts, I realised I encourage this type of behaviour overall. I had never really though about it before. I think along my own desires for a man and if he responds in what I consider a favourable way I will actively encourage that thought process.
I realised, though, that perhaps women like me do a disservice to the fight against rape culture.
Am I part of the problem when I give the green light to men my age to feel any form of entitlement over me?
When a good male friend makes vulgar remarks, likely in response to my vulgar remarks, that I would consent to personally- I don’t ruin the mood and tell him to be careful as not all women would appreciate him waking them up mid-coitus. Not all women would appreciate the idea of being “taken” whenever the man strikes the fancy to do so. Not all women are hard wired to respond favourably to a domineering man like I seem to be.
Do these guys think “Well Rae appreciates this behaviour from me – other girls will too”? After all, I do tend to make them feel like they are God’s gift to women…
And they are in my mind, to be honest…
Maybe I should just put it all out there – though many guys I know probably won’t see this. Just because I consent to this behaviour with you doesn’t mean all women will. It also doesn’t mean I consent to this behaviour with everyone.
The men, past and present, I have been this sexually attracted to that have been given the chance to feel any form of entitlement over me… please don’t take me as the rule. Please be careful and be damned sure another woman wants it first before treating her the same as you would me.
😘 Thanks, babes.