Ignore the featured picture… Well, no… Don’t ignore it – but take note that it doesn’t really have much to do with this post. Except… It makes me happy. It is an Alphonse Mucha image and I don’t know if I’ve said it before, but Mucha is my favorite artist. (Shoot! I should have kept that as a fact to share next time I get one of those blog awards that demand to know stuff about me Haha.)
Anyway, I think I’m kind of down in the dumps again. Not really a depression… But perhaps an adjustment period I guess among other things.
One thing that I suddenly realised today was that I think the Winter season is affecting me negatively. On one hand it’s nice to have the snow again… Real snow that sticks around and reminds me of Sweden. People walking out on Lake Michigan reminds me of skating in Lidingö or skating and long distance skiing out at Borka with Svea.
You know what else is reminding me of Sweden? An early sunset. Not quite as early as in Scandinavia – but 4:30 PM is still much earlier than I’ve known for years.
I used to think that my excessive sleeping as a teenager was just that – being a teenager that required more sleep. The days were dark and cold, my room was in the basement and that blocked out all light regardless of the season or time of day. The perfect place to flop onto my bed and move nary a muscle for the next 12 hours.
Often it was as soon as I returned home from school; often I didn’t get up in time for my first class the next day.
I now see a similar pattern starting again. I go to bed close to my usual time at night, get up to get the kids ready for school and get them on the bus… and then flop right back into bed. I may stay awake for an hour or so answering messages or playing on my phone and then I fall back to sleep. Today I didn’t get back up until an hour or so before it was time to get the kids from the bus. The last few days I had at least a couple hours awake before hand…
Fuck. I have no motivation. I am just so tired all the time… always was, but its worse now. I feel like a teenager again. I mean… I wanted to be a youth again, but not like this! LOL
On top of the likely Seasonal Affective Disorder I’m dealing with (where is my Dad’s light therapy lamp when I need it?), there is the lack of mobility (no car yet, so I can’t go anywhere during the week when Hubby is working… hopefully that will be remedied this weekend), there is the lack of local friends yet and a lack of a way to really make any just yet…
I’m also becoming more disillusioned with Social Media, not really on the whole – but portions of my social media life have just become so negative lately. Ugh. When one is struggling to stay above board and not let the “sads” in one does not need to deal with negativity, self righteousness, or judgemental opinions – even when they are not aimed at oneself. The US Political climate aside (That is a whole ‘nother depressing note… it’s just getting worse and worse as inauguration day nears), there were too many people I’ve had to hide from my newsfeed or groups I’ve had to leave for my own sanity and to make my mental space a better one.
I just don’t understand why people, though they may not agree, can’t take a moment to consider the other side of things. Consider the people behind the opposing view – especially when that view is not outright racist or homophobic or just plain hateful in general. Respect is what we need to get our heads around. Respect that others have different world views, different points of view and may not realise how upsetting their thought process may be to you. Even so – explain your point of view, maybe they’ll get it – maybe they won’t – but half of the instances I see lately are someone hell bent on being the judge and jury and bringing someone else down a peg or more.
I pointed out the need for some understanding and giving someone a chance to have a right of reply today – and I was told that my response was like a Trump supporter’s (important to note that this conversation had nothing to do with politics.) Since when is trying to see both sides and give someone the benefit of the doubt, and talk to them directly about your concerns, before trying to destroy their career an act akin to a “Trump Supporter”???
Ugh. I noped out of there real quick over that, after giving them a piece of my mind. Fucking low blow and clearly displayed a level of intolerance too often shown these days. Don’t agree with me? “Trump supporter!” or “Libtard!” or whatever is the opposite on the political spectrum said in the most derogatory fashion they can muster.
I don’t need that shit. I’m dealing with enough of my own.
Honestly, I love facebook – it allows me to stay connected with my friends worldwide as well as my family that is scattered everywhere. It allows me to keep up with main events in people’s lives and them in mine. Those that aren’t on facebook I have a hard time remembering what they know or don’t know when I periodically email… I know a lot of people hate facebook… but for this purpose it works quite well. But now I need to scale back. I’m not going on a deleting of friends spree or anything like that, but people are steadily being hidden from my newsfeed as I deem fit and most groups are going to be left.
I’ve found much more positivity here on WordPress anyway… even when our topics are not all that pleasant, there is in my experience a much better camaraderie and support system – much better and understanding conversations. Thank you all for being so awesome 😉
Anyway, to finish on a more happy note… Some more of my favorite Mucha images, enjoy: