depression, relationships, Uncategorized

Big Girls Don’t Cry

I’ve said it before – I hate to cry over men. Really it’s more of a hate to let them see that I’m crying over them. Eventually, the closer I get and the longer I know them the more likely they are statistically to witness an outpouring of emotion I am unable to control before I get away. Nevertheless, it’s been awhile… But I cried over a boy this morning.

It wasn’t a romantic related issue at least… I am for the most part past those days of my youth where I may or may not have sobbed over a mean boy or two.

I can’t go into too many details – he wouldn’t appreciate the world knowing, he’s asked me in the past to not put other related details out here in blogland a time or two over the past few years.

However; today this man suggested that he is not good enough to be my friend. He is not a friend I deserve… He told me to give up on him. It reminded me of the time my husband told me he had always thought that I was too good for him and that one day I would leave him for a better man (he told me this back in 2008 after the thing with David blew up.)

My heart just about broke.

I’m not going to give up on him… I haven’t yet over the many years I’ve known him. I’ve made it clear to him that I won’t give up on him and that I still love him – he means too much to me. He seemed to appreciate that.

I had a good cry after it was all done. He would have had no idea, naturally, what I was doing in that moment.

I know I could probably save myself a lot of hurt having let our friendship end years and years ago… but he said once that we need to stick together, me and him… and you know, I intend to keep that promise.

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17 thoughts on “Big Girls Don’t Cry”

    1. Exactly! I’d let him let me out of it if I truely believed he was done with me/hated me for some reason… but I know he loves me too and that he ultimately needs me – he was just trying to look out for me… didn’t want to burden me or something to that effect. Until the day he actually hates me, he’ll be stuck with me and I him ๐Ÿ˜Š

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  1. Feeling unworthy of a person is a horrendous feeling, but when looking from the outside you kinda want to grab them by their ears, shake their head and say “stop being such an idiot”. Of course, that’s just his depression talking. Nobody isn’t good enough to be somebody’s friend and I’m sure he’s a fantastic bloke. He’s lucky to have you as a friend, but that doesn’t mean he’s undeserving of your friendship.I hope you can help him pull through his slump and either bring him back to his old self or turn him into something new. I wish all the best for him and for you ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. It makes it so much harder with him living 6 hrs away nowadays… of course much closer than when I was in Australia… but I can’t just jump up and drive over there to be like “get in asshole, we’re going somewhere” ๐Ÿ˜‰ or to sit on his stoop with him, beer in hand…… it’s been a struggle for me at least to feel so separate from him the past few years… especially when he falls into his depressions. He worries me… I am going to try my hardest to help him again. I’ve told him to expect more frequent messages from me again from now on…

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      1. He knows I’m always there for him… I’ve made it clear. It’s just when it comes to this kind of stuff he’ll turn into himself and he struggles to even talk to anyone, least of all me. Other issues? No problem! The boy is perfectly chatty when he wants to ask advice about troubles with women or erectile disfunction or give me the deets about his sex life… but he is awfully stoic when it comes to stuff like this. He’s very matter of fact and sometimes gruff if and when he remotely admits to certain types of feelings… sigh. Might be time to text him again like I said I would do…

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      2. I can relate to him. I can talk a person’s ear off about subjects around me or even about me, but I don’t often go into talking of me. It’s not even a fear of being judged. I just struggle to open up to people. He’ll know just how unhealthy that level of repression is just as I do, but he won’t be able to fight it

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      3. I’d find it adorable if he weren’t using that part of his personality to his detriment. Adorable is probably not the right word exactly, but hopefully you get my meaning… I adore his personality when he’s clearly feeling better about himself in general

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      4. Meh, I’ve seen him strolling around in his underpants…. and heard all about other… uh… private matters… nbd. The main issue would be if I showed up and he’d gone off to visit his parents or something or otherwise just wasn’t home. Don;t think he has a gf at the moment either so that helps… last one was a royal bitch that tried to demand he not talk to me (he did, just wouldn’t pick up the phone when she was around to avoid the hassle.) So at least no problems like that expected if I show up LOL

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