Big Girls Don’t Cry

I’ve said it before – I hate to cry over men. Really it’s more of a hate to let them see that I’m crying over them. Eventually, the closer I get and the longer I know them the more likely they are statistically to witness an outpouring of emotion I am unable to control before I get away. Nevertheless, it’s been awhile… But I cried over a boy this morning.

It wasn’t a romantic related issue at least… I am for the most part past those days of my youth where I may or may not have sobbed over a mean boy or two.

I can’t go into too many details – he wouldn’t appreciate the world knowing, he’s asked me in the past to not put other related details out here in blogland a time or two over the past few years.

However; today this man suggested that he is not good enough to be my friend. He is not a friend I deserve… He told me to give up on him. It reminded me of the time my husband told me he had always thought that I was too good for him and that one day I would leave him for a better man (he told me this back in 2008 after the thing with David blew up.)

My heart just about broke.

I’m not going to give up on him… I haven’t yet over the many years I’ve known him. I’ve made it clear to him that I won’t give up on him and that I still love him – he means too much to me. He seemed to appreciate that.

I had a good cry after it was all done. He would have had no idea, naturally, what I was doing in that moment.

I know I could probably save myself a lot of hurt having let our friendship end years and years ago… but he said once that we need to stick together, me and him… and you know, I intend to keep that promise.

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18 Comments

    • Pretty much how I felt. I texted him this morning basically telling him I’ve decided that I’ll reach out a little more often (past few months had been like once a month-ish only) just to tell him things I think he needs to hear like how much I love him and can’t imagine not having him in my life… I told him he doesn’t need to feel pressured to respond, and I’d TRY not to harass him lol. I told him I was aware it may not help a damn thing and maybe he’ll think to himself “yeah, yeah, I know Rae…” but then again maybe he needs those affirmations a lot more often these days. I would hop in my car right now to go just be with him if I could… sigh…

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  1. Feeling unworthy of a person is a horrendous feeling, but when looking from the outside you kinda want to grab them by their ears, shake their head and say “stop being such an idiot”. Of course, that’s just his depression talking. Nobody isn’t good enough to be somebody’s friend and I’m sure he’s a fantastic bloke. He’s lucky to have you as a friend, but that doesn’t mean he’s undeserving of your friendship.I hope you can help him pull through his slump and either bring him back to his old self or turn him into something new. I wish all the best for him and for you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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