I have been largely absent the last few days here on WordPress… not even my usual stalking of the reader pane that occurs most every day… one or two posts read only and certainly no writing to be had.
I’ve wanted to desperately, but at the same time did not have the mental capacity nor the motivation to do so when I’d sit in front of my laptop.
I’m not going into details, but this weekend my husband and I seemed to be at a crossroads – we’ll just say he is now fully aware of all of my damage, I think, and I feel like he is well with in his right to ask for a divorce… but we’ve worked through a lot these past three days and at this juncture intends to stay with me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: thank god he loves me…
But I didn’t come here to explain all of that… I came to tell you all something I just found out at quarter past two AM last night…
Jason told me for the first time that the night David threatened me, what was said on David’s side of the conversation with him.
Apparently David’s response to Jason telling him to stay TF away from me was to threaten to come to our house. Then when Jason asked what Army unit he was with (information he already knew) that David responded with the police code for homicide: 1-8-7.
There is in fact the 187th in that area, but Jason said it was clear the way he responded that David was in fact threatening to kill me (or us.)
He said he had prepared himself in the event that David might show up and promised me that David would have never made it past the driveway… but still.
But now that I’ve fed my complex about the man…
I went on to explain to Jason why I got so much into the Martial sports and why I also pushed back when he was thinking about a job in Alaska many years ago, I explained about my dreams and my St Patrick’s based depression cycle – it’s my fear of David. It’s always been my fear of David… and while I have in more recent times convinced myself that perhaps there had been nothing to really fear and it was silly of me to hold onto all of that… Now I feel my fears have been legitimised. So that’s something I guess….