David, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

It Ceases To Surprise Me

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which starts this weekend, I did a poll on my facebook to gauge how many of my facebook friends had been assaulted or experienced domestic violence/abuse.

The majority that answered were not cases I already knew about, so you’d think that would be surprising. Perhaps I have become jaded and cynical, but finding out someone I know has been abused has ceased to surprise me.

The thing is, I used to think I was alone in all this. I used to assume that what I would have to deal with was a normal part of relationships and it would surprise me more in the intimacies that did not have it occur. I was struck dumb when an older friend of mine who had had at least as many relationships as I had had said she never even had a man speak harsh words to or threaten her, let alone anything else along the abusive behaviour lines.

Prior to that I had been taken off guard  when other women, especially ones that I knew in some capacity, would reach out and tell me about their experiences after I started to share mine publicly. Yet, as I immersed myself in my projects, and made online connections to other women like me, it became less and less startling that people I knew personally also have dealt with it.

Out of my nearly 400 FB friends and followers only 6 responded so far. Though, to be honest I already knew of 12 others – female and male – that didn’t respond to my poll. Whether they didn’t see the posts, or chose not to respond, I don’t know… But that makes it clear to me that the responses I did get aren’t a conclusive number. There is also one other old  friend that springs to mind who was abused so badly she had to drive herself to the ER (with broken hands) and be off of work for 10 weeks after… and she and I aren’t FB friends anymore…So of course she couldn’t respond.

Who knows how many I still don’t know about? I also wonder if there are any who don’t recognise a relationship for what it was – maybe they think it was normal, like I did. Maybe they pushed the thoughts and feelings down like I did and they are currently in the middle of their denial phase. Maybe there’s some that don’t want to admit it to themselves or others – like I did for 16 years.

So, now I know at around 5% at least of my current acquaintances have experienced abuses against themselves. God willing there are no more of my friends and family in the count, but as I said earlier – I’ve become cynical and I believe there probably are.

I’m hoping to get some stories from these friends to be able to relay to you over the coming weeks, so that I don’t have to bore you with Wyatt and David stories further. Let’s be honest though – I’m sure I will find a way to bore you a bit more with that. Haha, nah… I’ll try to make it interesting at least. We’ll see how it goes.



5 thoughts on “It Ceases To Surprise Me”

  1. I’d like to assume that six in over four hundred is as bad as the figure of DV sufferers is, but I’m certain that there are many who didn’t respond. I’m sure it’s more common than any of us wishes it to be. The fact that there are several levels of abuse too, I imagine there are many who don’t even realise they’re suffering it; similar to your experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know it’s at least 18, because there were 12 I knew off the top of my head who didn’t respond but I had talked to previously about it… Perhaps they assumed since I already knew, they didn’t have to remind me… which I suppose is a correct assessment 🙂 Exactly, I imagine there are probably more that are or have experienced some level of it without realising it if it didn’t go full blown physical.


      1. I learned a lot about the varying levels of abuse thanks to our past conversations and I’ve starred noticing signs of abuse in so many relationships. If not full-blown abuse then behaviour that could be construed as a potential gateway to abuse. I also think there are many people who are blissfully unaware that their actions are abusive.

        Liked by 1 person

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