Today, in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I am sharing an old friend’s abuse story, these are her words as she shared them with me. Her identity is purposely withheld.
People seem to think if someone abuses you then that must have been that way your whole relationship, when usually that’s not the case.
For example; I was in a relationship for three years before it started for me. At first it was small and towards my looks …. I was told I was too fat or too skinny; that I was never going to be good enough, that if I were to leave then no one would ever love me the way he did. That I was ugly and horrible and that I should just be thankful he was with me.
It started slowly and got worse … so much so that I lost who I was and my worth …. I was so brain washed that I thought if someone who claims they love me feels this way how is someone going to view me that doesn’t love me?
I felt lost and not enough.
After that physical abuse happened.
It started small with being thrown into a brick wall. I had lost a lot of weight at the time and was maybe 95 lbs … He out weighed me by at least 100 lbs. I was told it would never happen again that he was sorry.
I thought ok, this is the only time anything like this has ever happened and forgave him. The second time was much worse.
We were in the middle of nowhere (traveling) it was some random gas station in the middle of Georgia. I questioned him about messages he was sending to another girl saying how in love he was with them …..
He freaked and slammed my head into the center console if the car, almost broke my wrist, ripped a chunk of my hair out and bruised my chest from hitting me.
I didn’t know what to do …. it was the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere so I just got quiet and tried my best to calm him down.
Looking on the outside in is so much easier …. I always thought I would be one to call the cops or never put up with it, but when you’re in it it’s so different. For me I had no choice. I was 8+ hours away from family, didn’t have my own car, my purse was at his house a couple hours away.
It was horrible, after that though I learned my lesson and I removed myself from the situation.
My self-esteem after him was so horrible …. it took me four years and a lot of therapy to get over the damage caused. It’s frustrating because so many people think that you just “allow” this to happen, they don’t realize that this clearly wasn’t how they were on the first date, heck not even in the first few months, they wait until they have you, all of you …. and then they slowly start to crush and remove everything about you.