David, Excerise, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

Far Away From My Corporeal Body

I had another dream about David on Christmas Eve. Unexpected, it’s been several months if not longer since I’ve had one of those. I’m not sure if something actually triggered it, or if it was just my brain saying “hey,  guess what we haven’t dreamt about in awhile?”

Whenever I have these dreams, they always take place nearby to where I’m living; as though he could always find me again. They’re never dreams about the past.

This dream took place in my church. Likely because I spend a good portion of my time around there now… The thing about this dream was though…

It occurred while people were around. In every other dream, even if the initial meeting has been amongst people – the most logical and believable way for the plot point in my mind – he always gets me alone before going crazy.

The dreams used to be just straight up nightmares,  with David choking me or otherwise trapping me against a wall – unable to get away, no one to hear me yell.

At one point, after doing BJJ and kickboxing the dreams started to change in where I would fight back. I’d lose, but I’d fight back.

This one, I clearly remember throwing a punch… but the events of the dream happened while the sanctuary was full. I remember yelling for him to get his fucking hands off of me and everybody looking at us… including his wife and kids… and that’s where the dream gets fuzzy. I can’t recall if, in my dream, anyone came to my aid.

I don’t know what’s scarier – the thought that David would lose his cool in front of strangers, especially people he’d have to know would be more likely to know me/side with me… Or the thought that those same people would just watch the events unfold and not help me.

I just had a thought: hell, for me, would be being trapped in the world of my nightmares.

Though, as they have lessened in frequency and either lessened in intensity or I’ve just gotten used to them, I can live with them now. It’s not that bad, as long as David stays in my dream world  and far away from my corporeal body.

And when I’m wide awake and logical, I know the chances of running into him again any time soon are very slim.

9 thoughts on “Far Away From My Corporeal Body”

      1. aw, I’m sorry..I should have said “someday” instead. :-/ Happy to hear they have at least become less frequent.
        Someone broke into my window a few years ago while I was sleeping and I always have varying nightmares about it.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Especially given that I doubt he ever actually thinks of me. Good chance, I’d wager, he’s forgotten about me enrirely…. I mean… his previous drug use and excessive drinking probably took good care of his memory banks lol… either way it’s not fair, because if he does remember anything, I’m sure he felt justified in his actions and therefore blameless in his own mind

      Like

      1. That’s the one. If he does still think of you then you can absolutely guarantee that it’ll be in a negative way; likely still blaming you for everything. What else does one expect of a narcissistic abuser? I have a major issue with people who view themselves as blameless.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. As do I. Hey, I know I’m a fuck up sometimes… might as well admit it and try to fix things! But yeah, I’m like 92% sure he doesn’t think about me. If imagine I was just a blip that passed by during his party days… a passing conquest that is long gone. Given how he treated me and others, I doubt half a thought was given to me after I was out of his line of sight.

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s