Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

A Twinge of Betrayal

Had a revelation today. A potentially awful revelation.

Dane and David are back in contact, via Facebook, if nothing else. I don’t know how long they’ve been in touch. As far as I can tell it’ll have been less than a few months since they reconnected on FB… but I don’t really know.

I sent Dane a message asking… and yet, I’m not sure I really want to know. He hasn’t answered me yet anyway. I’m not confident that he will answer me either.

Once I noticed David on his friends list, I scrolled his timeline and didn’t notice any activity from him on there. I then recalled the time Dane and I reconnected, when he and David were still buddies, and he had asked me to lie low on there so David wouldn’t realize he was talking to me again. I wonder now if they’ve had the same conversation about me.

I’m hoping that isn’t the case. I hope it’s no more than a matter of David requested it, and with Dane very rarely using his social media anymore that he just didn’t see an issue for some reason adding him now. Literally, the majority of Dane’s FB is now just family that tags him in pictures. He hardly responds to comments and only does a first person update maybe once or twice a year at most.

This has just been the cherry on top of my clusterfuck of a week so far. On Tuesday I had a flat tire, yesterday – my birthday –  my house key was bent in half when I got home…. That turned out not as bad as it could have been as the back door had been left unlocked thank goodness (though I had to tramp through deep snow to get to it) and hubby was able to get me a new key on his way home… But then just a few hours later I had a car accident. I am now the proud owner of a mirrorless Hyundai. Well, it’s missing the driver’s side mirror anyway, and has a nice scrape on the driver’s side door and front fender. Then I decided to take a nice hot bath with some wine and a good book to try to salvage the evening… and I broke out in hives.

That super blue blood full moon musta fucked my shit up, I tell ya.

Not that my birthday was all bad… Hubby got my a nice new key for the house, so that helps. I also got some fun gifts from him (He gave me 1983-Baby prezzies – a Flashdance CD, a 1983 hits CD, a Hooters Nurse enamel pin, and a February 1983 edition of Playboy lol (Flashdance came out in 83 and Hooters opened in 83 in case you didn’t realize.))

I also received my new scrubs in the mail he had bought me, as well as several cards – a couple gift cards – and even my official acceptance letter packet into nursing school! That seemed so fortuitous that it would arrive on my actual birthday LOL

Now… today didn’t even start out that bad. A day to sleep in, that’s what I needed. In fact, I’m still mostly lounging around in bed. And eating left over chocolate cake. It helps, it really does.

Yet, there is still the sense… a twinge of betrayal.

It’s been 10 years, I shouldn’t expect it to affect him nearly as much as it did me. Though it was only more like 7 1/2 years that they fell out anyway. There were other factors that affected their friendship. To be fair to me, though, part of it was Dane realizing what I had claimed was true and seeing more first hand that David was capable of what I had been saying when he realized how David was treating his first wife. Since then, Dane has had feelings of guilt in respect to me… He’s apologized repeatedly. So I just don’t understand how he can now have anything to do with David again.

I hope he can explain it to me. I hope he’s willing to explain it to me.

The thought of it just makes me feel so uncomfortable right now. I hope it’s more innocent than it seems to me… Even if he thinks David has changed or something, I’d still be uncomfortable, but I’d also at least be able to understand it.

It’s hard enough feeling like I’m losing/have lost Dane due to his personal demons, but it’s downright scary to think I’d lose him to David again.

I suppose it would be naïve of me to think that military brother bonds don’t often take the precedence.

**Update: Dane responded and said that David friended him about a month ago and that he hasn’t had anything to do with him (other than allowing the friend request to go through.) That makes me feel a little better. **

5 thoughts on “A Twinge of Betrayal”

    1. Yeah, unfortunately he’s been going through a phase of not being very communicative and ignoring calls and texts (I understand it’s not just me, but an overall ignoring communications sent his way)… so I was worried. But at least he recognized, I guess, that it would have been extra shitty to ignore me on this one, LOL. Also, Thank you. I feel old and grey now Haha… like, immediately got aches and pains the day of my birthday 😛 LOL J/K Did have a 21 year old think I was 25 last week, so it’s all good. I can hide the aches and pains well enough hahaha

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