As I sit on this old couch, in front of a fire that is dying despite my best efforts to build the biggest, warmest fire ever, and as I sip my hot chocolate in an effort to stay warmer still… My heater died a couple of days ago, the day before a snow storm here in
sunny Wisconsin. I have a couple tradies downstairs dutifully exchanging the 30 year old heater out for a much newer model, so the end to this particular suffering is in sight… But I digress. I went off track and took a couple of laps around the snow covered side topic. Apologies.
So I begin again: as I sit on this old couch, in my bathrobe and ugly wool socks, with my bed-mussed hair, on my period – ugh, and surrounded by my messy house, I am reminded today is international women’s day.
Huh, maybe I should wax lyrical about the phases of the moon and my menstrual cycle in celebration. Such a timely day to be on my period! Seems the thing to do, no?
I feel the epitome of worn-out housewife at the moment. My house at least isn’t filthy, but I’ve been meaning to do certain things – like vacuum and mop the floors – for a few days, but have had a difficult time coming out from under blankets in this less-than-30-degree climate. You’ll notice at least my dishes are done and the laundry finished, please excuse the rest of the mess.
That’s not necessarily the image I’d hope to portray, on this, the day of the woman. I’d like to tell you all I am valiantly fighting the good fight being in a position of power in the civic or political arena. My uncle calls me a Viking. Hell, even one of my BFF’s husbands said “Cause Emma is Fucking Viking” once! I’d like to claim I am or was a warrior – in other words a Marine, like I once thought I’d become.
Hell, I’d like to tell you I’m a nurse already – a goal I’ve been working towards for several years now. At least one day I’ll be able to say that. Maybe one day I can even claim the title of Badass Flight Nurse 😉 or Charge Nurse in a Level One Trauma Centre… DUDE, that would be so cool!
The thing is, though I am sometimes frustrated with how long it’s taken me to make something of my goals and dreams, I know being proud of myself, being proud of being a woman, has nothing to do with what I do for a living.
I often have people tell me they are impressed with how much I take on… and I don’t think I really do. I mean… my house could be cleaner, but I am not ashamed to admit I favor a nap over a mopped floor any day. Hands down, do you even have to ask? Nap. Napping is always the answer. Shhhhh… Mommy’s sleeping.
There is plenty I let slide as a mom… the boy is wearing PJ pants to school. Meh. Whatever. (This annoys my husband… but… hey, I’M the one that would have to fight with him in the AM to get him to change. I always tell him to, but he’ll sneak off and come back at the very moment we have to leave still wearing them. I don’t have the time for that LOL. I totally lack the supposed-inherent mother skills when it comes to even remembering my kids might have homework to do, let alone making them do it. Let’s be real, I only 50% of the time remember to remind them to brush their hair before we leave the house. We’re lucky I send them to school with lunches. We’re totally winning in the lunch department. I also have a hard time motivating myself to do, ugh, chores, around the house. Especially when I have Gilmore Girls to watch for the 15th time or something equally important.
But I do other things well, I’m good at handling my own school work. I’m an honors student. I may not be able to build a proper fire, but I can get that A in Bio-Chemistry. I can juggle, currently, 3 part-time/casual jobs and do well in all of them. In some ways, I wish I could just go back to one Full Time job, especially now that I am back working at a hospital for my main job, but with Nursing classes starting again in the Fall, I knew I’d need to be in a more flexible position. I’m in process of getting another book published, this time a children’s book.
Aside from my busy work, I am told I have some admirable personality traits. One I am most proud of is the ability to see two sides to an issue. While I may not agree with an opposing side, I can empathize with them and understand their viewpoint. I’m told that others, like my husband, find that I am a kind and caring person. That means a lot to hear that someone noticed me in such a way – especially because I sometimes feel like I’m cold, that I have to etch my emotions out from stone. To be fair, though, that has more to do with inner feelings than with the general public. I’ve had people tell me they view me as strong, as brave, as standing up for the little ones. I’ve had people tell me they like that I don’t act the victim, even when I legitimately have the right to sometimes.
When I think about these things. When I consider the perception others have of me and consider the points they lay out as evidence, I start feeling a little bit better about myself in general. I feel like maybe it’s not so bad that I feel or act like a frump in her bathrobe and ugly, but warm, socks once in awhile. Maybe I’m not the best super-mom on the planet, maybe I am not influential on the world stage… Yet, I am well liked by my peers, I have a loving husband and kids, I am hard-working towards my goals… I am woman hear me roar 😉
So remember, it doesn’t matter what your lot is in life – housewife, nurse, CEO, mechanic; because you’re an awesome woman living your life and being a badass at what you do. There’s no need to compare yourself to other women and what they’re doing. And hey… remember this as well, a motto I took on as soon as I heard it for the first time – the gods will always smile on brave women 😉