Okay, you guys. I promise this won’t turn into a weight-loss blog, but I feel the need to get some stuff out there regarding this struggle I’m having. So once in awhile you’ll have to deal with my
complaining, er, updates, or pass a post by occasionally LOL.
That being said.
It’s Day 3.
I want to make it clear that this is more than an aesthetic issue for me. The pictures in my last blog, as I said, conveniently block out the tummy etc – or rather the most embarrassing parts of my weight gain. I am aware my face doesn’t look fat. I think my face looks rather pleasant, usually, with the fuller cheeks and what have you. I am hoping not to contribute to anyone else’s body image issues by appearing to not need to lose weight while complaining that I desperately need it. One of the major motivators for me is that this last year or so, my lower back, knees, and feet have been having an increasingly difficult time – especially after working on my feet for the 5 – 8 hour stretches (it also doesn’t help having to get down on my knees sometimes while doing patient care (changing shoes, for example.)) I’ve had an increasingly difficult time getting myself up off the ground as well – a lot more pain in general.
I actually weighed myself yesterday to record a starting weight, and much to my chagrin it had gone up a good 5-10 lbs since I last checked. I also plugged it into my period tracker app and this is what it said:
Oh… Oh God. Uggggghhhhh…. As if I didn’t already know I am considered “obese,” but severely?? FML. I also did the calculations that I would need to drop a minimum of 100 lbs to be at the top of my healthy BMI range. Ideally, I’ll be shooting for 120 lbs to drop.
I lived in fear much of my life that I would turn out like my mum – who was morbidly obese most of my childhood. She lost a tonne of weight after my parents divorced and after I had moved out… so my entire childhood saw my mother struggling with way too many pounds on her much-shorter frame. (She’s like 5’5 at the most if I had to guess and at one point in my childhood I know she was well over 300 lbs.) Me being taller, well, at least I can carry it better than she did… but not for much longer if I keep going this way.
I don’t know how I let myself get this bad. I tell myself I’m fine because I usually do well at yearly physicals – great blood pressure etc. I tell myself I’ve lost weight before so it won’t be an issue when I put my mind to it… But who am I kidding? I am notoriously bad at keeping up with diets, food journals, taking vitamins… whatever other health related thing I’ve promised myself.
I emotional and stress eat. Today for example, I got extremely frustrated and irritated with something at my part time day job and immediately wanted to reach for candy even though I still had an orange sitting right in front of me. I didn’t though. Thank goodness I held my ground with myself.
I am bad about keeping up with these things because I’ll do well for a week or two, max, before simply forgetting that I was working on it. I’ll remember after a couple days that I forgot to use my food journal, or I’d forgotten to take vitamins, or I had absent mindedly eaten candy I wasn’t supposed to eat… and I think I can start over again. I am repeatedly starting over and thinking “Meh, it doesn’t hurt to be off the diet for a few days, I’ll start again soon.” But it does hurt… and starting again gets pushed off and pushed off again.
I must say it has helped these last couple of days thinking more positively about what I CAN have rather than focusing on what I CAN’T have. I naturally ate a lot less refined sugar the past two days than I have in quite awhile because I wasn’t obsessing about wanting sugar and bread etc and not being able to have it.
I have snuck in small portions of such during my fruit/veggie only part of my days so far, if I’m honest – something I will work towards being more strict on myself later – but it also has meant I’m taking in a LOT less of such without really trying. For example on day one I had a small garlic biscuit in the AM and two mini peanut butter cups in the PM, yesterday I had a banana bread slice with frosting in the AM, and then today so far the only thing was a 6 in subway (tuna and veggie) sandwich. If you know me, you know I’d usually have some kind of bread at every meal, often eating donuts (when I do donuts there are usually two), candy, sugary cereal, and at least one soda a day. I think not focusing on banning the items per se has helped me decrease it exponentially in my diet. I hope I can keep this up. Hopefully I can get myself to the point that my stomach is “small” enough that I won’t want much more than just the fruit until evening time and save my bread portions for dinner.
I am going to try to work in some other healthy habits I have done in the past again… Such as drinking green tea daily (along with all my water), possibly taking Chromium again (though my bottles expired last year and it seems such a waste unless I can be sure of myself that I WILL keep it up), and of course getting more exercise in again.
In Australia, I was generally more healthy than I am now – but I was still gaining weight. Hopefully, swapping to (and sticking to) the primarily fruit/veggie diet while adding in the things like green tea as I did then will help. They say small changes can do wonders – and sometimes they can – but if I can put all the small changes together at once… then… well…
When it comes to the green tea, I’ve been drinking my jasmine tea, unsweetened. What I tend to do (tip time!) is to brew a pot full. Then I drink the first cup warm, while leaving the pot out on the counter. I repeatedly fill my cup/glass throughout the day with the cold tea for an iced-green tea experience, until the pot is done. If I feel like it, I will make a second pot… But I’ll drink at least the one. My pot fills my 16 oz tumbler here 2.5 times.
I’ll also be keeping up my drinking of a couple liters of water a day as I can. This is a habit I have been doing since I had that kidney stone issue in August last year. There are days I forget to drink enough, but for the most part I’ve been able to stick with it. Depending on how much unsweetened tea I drink will determine how much plain water I drink though. If anyone wants a tip for water drinking as well: Use a straw! For some reason I tend to suck up a lot more water from my tumblers that have straws, or from, say, my camelbak bottles that the water comes out with ease through the bite-valve.
My fave water drinking cups – A 24 oz Tervis Tumbler, a 48 oz Bubba mug, and a 600 ml camelbak. I aim to drink 2 of the bubba mugs worth a day… (The doc recommended at least 64 oz worth of water a day) and I don’t always get there. But if I can at least drink one of them, along with whatever juice or teas I have, I figure I pretty much hit the mark. I can usually down 1.5-2 of them when I work at the assisted living home. I also have a Green Bay Packers 24 oz Tervis Tumbler I keep at my hospital job – and I so far have been able to drink 2-3 of those when I am on shift there.
The Tervis tumblers don’t come with straws, though you can buy them directly from the website it looks like, but I just took one from the collection of other kids/character cheaper brand tumblers we have around the house 😛
I am also planning on trying another tip I’ve heard repeatedly – adding frozen berries/fruit to your water instead of ice. Keeps the water cold as well as adding a hint of natural flavor. I’ve thought about it before, but honestly I can be lazy when it comes to that kind of thing… and I actually like plain water when it is really cold. I tend to use crystal light when I am really more in the mood for a flavored drink. But… I have blueberries and raspberries in my freezer as it happens sooo…
Oh geez, I just realized how long I’ve made this post already. Clearly writing had kept my mind off of the stress of the morning and, in turn, kept me from absent mindedly reaching for sugar – soooo all good, yeah?