I’m gonna talk about temptation today – the temptation to eat sweets and drink bubbling sugary caffeine goodness that is coursing through me right now.
Also, the temptation to smack a … well, you know.
It actually, has been a lot easier than I thought to stay away from sweets for the couple of weeks I’ve been working on my healthy diet changes – because with the natural sugars in the fruits and the eating till I’m full on fresh produce, along with all the unsweetened green tea, I simply have not been craving the bad-for-me sweets nearly as much as I used to. Hardly at all, in fact. Overall, I feel like I’ve detoxed (for lack of a better word) that junk out of my system so now I just hardly even think about it.
Except when I walked through the pastry section at Walmart to get to the bread the other day… Hmmm.
However, I am and have long been an emotional eater. I am currently frustrated – SO frustrated – with the way things are being handled in a particular organization that I am involved with and, basically, I’ve had it up to here with this kind of fuckery.
Yas, Blain, I’m so with you today. Now I just want to go home and eat pastries and snickers bars and ignore the rest of the world for awhile. I am also *This Close* to dropping everything to do with all of this.
I’m trying to deal because I’ve already put in notice that I will be gone by the end of the school year… As I have with various other things I’m involved in (won’t have time for all that when nursing school starts, yo.) Only two months left, people, I can do this. But I am one of those people that can go along with shit for a fair while… Sure, I’ll let things just slide on off my back. No probs. However, when I get to an “I’m Done.” point, well… I’m fucking done. This can, and has often, happen suddenly. One thing will just push me over the line.
Also, the way one acts with me that either gets me to the I’m Done part of the situation, or after I’ve past that line can significantly alter the way I view them from then on. Did I tell you all about the lady that lectured me about my Facebook last year? I don’t think I have… Regardless, that very conversation I had the “Okay, I’m Done. D.O.N.E” feeling take over – didn’t take much to get to with this person. It has colored my thoughts/feelings towards her and interactions to do with her ever since – which are now as minimal as possible.
Back to the temptation. The sheer lack of caring, the hitting of the wall so to speak in this particular situation made my mind wander to pastry. OMG pastry would be so good right now… and chocolate. Something completely covered in… Oh, Snickers. That’s would make me feel better!
I had to talk myself down. I generally go for caffeine and sugar when I want to “feel better.” If that doesn’t say I’m addicted, I don’t know what does. To help satiate me, without going overboard, I allowed myself to get a sugar free cappuccino from McDonalds on my way home this AM. I gave in to the extra caffeine, and I figure that was the lesser of the two evils for now.
To update you all in my early weight loss journey: as expected, I have stalled in the weight loss itself after the initial water weight drop of 15 lbs. Also, as expected, I have gone up again 5 lbs this week – as I always gain 3-5 lbs of water weight regardless right before my period… Which should be starting Friday or Saturday again. Usually, that weight drops right off again by the end of said shark week.
The real test I see before me now is the fact that I tend to overeat much more during my period. Not only overeat, but I rationalize it’s okay to drink a lot of caffeinated, full sugar, soda and eat bag fulls of chocolate, etc because “it makes me feel better.” It’s true… caffeine is a natural pain killer and the sugar helps to perk me up.
Ever since I was 12 or so, when my mom suggested a Cherry Pepsi to help relieve me of a terrible bout of cramps, have I drank at least one Cherry Pepsi/Coke and/or Dr Pepper during my period. At least on my heavier flow day… But usually continuing to drink them throughout the course of it. Because it really does feel like it helps.
I also tend to buy a bunch of chocolate immediately before my period even starts – absentmindedly. Seriously, during PMS week I’ll get home with the shopping only to discover several candy bars I don’t recall buying just moments before, hanging out with the bread and milk or what have you. It’s my body craving it so much that my subconscious takes over, I don’t even think about what I’m doing.
But it is precisely this thinking and rationalizing that sabotages my healthy eating endeavors. Once I start having all of that during period week, it’s tough to stop it again the week after.
So the test will be can I keep myself from falling down the hole to double-fisting sugary soda and candy bars for this first-period-after-start-of-diet next week? It certainly helps that I feel like I’ve mostly kicked the actual habit, but I know just plain hormones and iron deficiencies and pain and whatever else will be affecting the way I eat/want to eat. I will have to actively fight my subconscious when it comes to buying chocolate – or once I become aware I have it in my possession, to hand it over to hubby for hiding from me!!
This is gonna take some work. In keeping with my “positivity” thinking towards my diet, I think I will again allow myself a sugar free cappuccino or some such if the craving for goodies/soda arises again. It seemed to help just now with my current craving… It felt like a treat, but wasn’t nearly as bad for me as the alternatives would have been. And if I can keep it to just one or two that week, I will hopefully keep it from becoming a full blown habit too.
Wish me luck, y’all. It’s gonna be tough.