Excerise, Uncategorized, weight loss

This Kind of Fuckery

I’m gonna talk about temptation today – the temptation to eat sweets and drink bubbling sugary caffeine goodness that is coursing through me right now.

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Also, the temptation to smack a … well, you know.

bitmoji-20180606020138It actually, has been a lot easier than I thought to stay away from sweets for the couple of weeks I’ve been working on my healthy diet changes – because with the natural sugars in the fruits and the eating till I’m full on fresh produce, along with all the unsweetened green tea, I simply have not been craving the bad-for-me sweets nearly as much as I used to. Hardly at all, in fact. Overall, I feel like I’ve detoxed (for lack of a better word) that junk out of my system so now I just hardly even think about it. bitmoji-20180606015554

Except when I walked through the pastry section at Walmart to get to the bread the other day… Hmmm.

However, I am and have long been an emotional eater. I am currently frustrated – SO frustrated – with the way things are being handled in a particular organization that I am involved with and, basically, I’ve had it up to here with this kind of fuckery.

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Source

Yas, Blain, I’m so with you today. Now I just want to go home and eat pastries and snickers bars and ignore the rest of the world for awhile. I am also *This Close* to dropping everything to do with all of this.

I’m trying to deal because I’ve already put in notice that I will be gone by the end of the school year… As I have with various other things I’m involved in (won’t have time for all that when nursing school starts, yo.) Only two months left, people, I can do this. But I am one of those people that can go along with  shit for a fair while… Sure, I’ll let things just slide on off my back. 34670798_10156811839928690_4133157839097036800_nNo probs. However, when I get to an “I’m Done.” point, well… I’m fucking done. This can, and has often, happen suddenly. One thing will just push me over the line.

Also, the way one acts with me that either gets me to the I’m Done part of the situation, or after I’ve past that line can significantly alter the way I view them from then on. Did I tell you all about the lady that lectured me about my Facebook last year? I don’t think I have… Regardless, that very conversation I had the “Okay, I’m Done. D.O.N.E” feeling take over – didn’t take much to get to with this person.34552695_10156811839258690_5710196158614208512_n It has colored my thoughts/feelings towards her and interactions to do with her ever since – which are now as minimal as possible.

Back to the temptation. The sheer lack of caring, the hitting of the wall so to speak in this particular situation made my mind wander to pastry. OMG pastry would be so good right now… and chocolate. Something completely covered in… Oh, Snickers. That’s would make me feel better!

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I had to talk myself down. I generally go for caffeine and sugar when I want to “feel better.” If that doesn’t say I’m addicted, I don’t know what does.  To help satiate me, without going overboard, I allowed myself to get a sugar free cappuccino from McDonalds on my way home this AM. I gave in to the extra caffeine, and I figure that was the lesser of the two evils for now.

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To update you all in my early weight loss journey: as expected, I have stalled in the weight loss itself after the initial water weight drop of 15 lbs. Also, as expected, I have gone up again 5 lbs this week – as I always gain 3-5 lbs of water weight regardless right before my period… Which should be starting Friday or Saturday again. Usually, that weight drops right off again by the end of said shark week.

The real test I see before me now is the fact that I tend to overeat much more during my period. Not only overeat, but I rationalize it’s okay to drink a lot of caffeinated, full sugar, soda and eat bag fulls of chocolate, etc because “it makes me feel better.” It’s true… caffeine is a natural pain killer and the sugar helps to perk me up.

Ever since I was 12 or so, when my mom suggested a Cherry Pepsi to help relieve me of a terrible bout of cramps, have I drank at least one Cherry Pepsi/Coke and/or Dr Pepper during my period. At least on my heavier flow day… But usually continuing to drink them throughout the course of it. Because it really does feel like it helps.

I also tend to buy a bunch of chocolate immediately before my period even starts – absentmindedly. Seriously, during PMS week I’ll get home with the shopping only to discover several candy bars I don’t recall buying just moments before, hanging out with the bread and milk or what have you. It’s my body craving it so much that my subconscious takes over, I don’t even think about what I’m doing.

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But it is precisely this thinking and rationalizing that sabotages my healthy eating endeavors. Once I start having all of that during period week, it’s tough to stop it again the week after.

So the test will be can I keep myself from falling down the hole to double-fisting sugary soda and candy bars for this first-period-after-start-of-diet next week? It certainly helps that I feel like I’ve mostly kicked the actual habit, but I know just plain hormones and iron deficiencies and pain and whatever else will be affecting the way I eat/want to eat. I will have to actively fight my subconscious when it comes to buying chocolate – or once I become aware I have it in my possession, to hand it over to hubby for hiding from me!!

This is gonna take some work. In keeping with my “positivity” thinking towards my diet, I think I will again allow myself a sugar free cappuccino or some such if the craving for goodies/soda arises again. It seemed to help just now with my current craving… It felt like a treat, but wasn’t nearly as bad for me as the alternatives would have been. And if I can keep it to just one or two that week, I will hopefully keep it from becoming a full blown habit too.

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Wish me luck, y’all. It’s gonna be tough.

12 thoughts on “This Kind of Fuckery”

  1. I’m wishing you ALL the luck. I think you can do it though!

    Did you see fattyMcCupcakes post about this last night on fb? It seems like you are totally not alone for feeling that way!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You can do this! I’m fortunate that I don’t have the “typical” PMS symptoms. The worst I deal with is a terrible headache. But, I’m with you with emotional eating. I’m much better at this stage in my life, but when I’m stressed, I tend to want all the unhealthy things. I think your plan of a sugar free cappuccino is a good idea!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Your’e doing so bloody well. Easter doesnt bother me as migrane and chocolate do not mix. But fizzy sour rainbow coloured ribbons, I will stuff without thinking until the sharpness hurts my jaw and the crystals ulcerate my tongue. We all have something *sigh*

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for saying so! I’m trying hard!! I decided maybe I should get a small bag of sugar free chocolate to hide away in my dresser or something just in case I get TOO crave-y next week. Of course that’s not all that healthy either, but it might help me with baby steps getting through the first period or two without resorting to other much more sugary options!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are eager to crack this so I have every faith in you. I think if you do have something chocolatey don’t hide it, be open about having earned it. Or it will become easy to sneak more and before you know it diet scuppered. Good luck. 😗 Happy Easter.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Lol I was thinking if it’s like quitting cigarettes… like there’s a comfort of knowing it’s there hidden away in the back of your mind making it easier to avoid it ?? Haha. Happy Easter to you too!

        Liked by 1 person

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