It hit me dead on; a slap in the face and a punch in the gut simultaneously.
I saw a picture of Wyatt and it initiated a wave of nausea that washed over me, no, rather it billowed like a storm surge.
I can’t explain why I felt the way I did. It doesn’t always happen every time I see his photo or lay eyes on any items that cause related memories. The last time I recall having such a feeling with any sort of potency was in January of 2015 when I sent him a message telling him the truth about how I felt about our relationship.
Though he was thousands of miles away, my body had reacted as if he were in the next room. I reacted in what I now understand was likely one of the ways my body handles anxiety and quite possibly full on panic attacks.
Needless to say it was somewhat surprising to be struck with the veritable storm surge last night after over three years. To be honest, I’ve probably had other similar reactions scattered throughout these years, but I guess they weren’t as sudden and forceful enough for me to note and remember – at least not where it comes to Wyatt; other catalysts notwithstanding.
Once that feeling came over me, it was difficult to shake even after I distracted myself with TV. My tummy felt uneasy and my head was light for a couple of hours – until I climbed into bed and curled up next to my already sleeping husband.
I started feeling better almost as soon as my head laid on his chest. The feeling completely subsided when, after I rolled over, he also rolled to follow me – putting his left arm over my waist and using his right hand to gently stroke my head.