Dane unfriended me on Facebook. I told you that. He inferred I was disposable and it seemed he’d rather keep David in the FB friendship circle.
Ok, fine then.
I accepted that, though it hurt initially.
The thing is, even after pushing me away so hard; trying his damnedest to put distance between us and seriously fuck up whatever friendship we had – he’s still friends with my author Facebook account. What in the actual, dude?
I sent him a message through that account a week or so ago asking why he was still there…. And that if he truly wanted to dispose of me he should just fucking do it already.
To be honest it irritates me that he made such a big ordeal out of all of this, and then didn’t delete both friendships at the same time. As if maybe he’s holding on to that slight chance he may want to repair the smoldering bridge he’s left behind someday.
I mean, I personally think he’s an idiot to have pushed away a friend who had cared so much about him in favor of others who don’t… and to blame that on his depression or whatever the fuck. And if your judgement is clouded by your depression but deep down you know it’s even a possibility you think you might want to keep a friendship down the road, you can put your fake smile on and just not fuck it up, ya know?
Maybe I’m not the one to talk. Possibly I’m being too harsh. I know I’ve pushed people away when I’ve had depressive episodes and the like. But then again, in most cases where someone was really important to me overall, I still tried to keep my cigarette from hitting the bridge because I knew I’d regret it sooner or later.
In a way, I hope he does regret it someday. I hope he regrets it and then finds that I’m not there anymore.