How do I even start today? I wanted to update you all on the awesome externship experience I’ve been having, but intertwined with that has been a trip to Cleveland to spread my grandfather’s ashes.
This, of course, meant I had to see my family. For the most part this wasn’t an issue. Got to see my uncle and cousins (hadn’t seen my cousins in 16 years!) and meet my one cousin’s wife finally. Got to see my sisters… Ya know, all around nice catchup… But. I also had to deal with my mother.
I know I haven’t written a whole lot about my mother issues on here (yet), I’ve mentioned it a few times in the more recent past. If you don’t know, you’re about to get a trial by fire into my world.
I gotta give some background to this weekend, so hold tight.
First of all, Grandma had planned we all go to Mentor, OH (30 mins away from Cleveland) which was more where my grandparents were from and closer to the beach of Lake Erie that they used to go swim in. It was my grandpa’s wishes to go back to Lake Erie. Grandma planned on a motel that they used to stay in whenever they’d go back for visits.
Mom changed the plan to a nice hotel in Cleveland proper, It had a free drinks and munchies reception every night which she was all about. Then we’d rent a pontoon from there to go out towards the beach in in the Mentor area.
She got all snippy with me and my sisters when she sent out a group chat to everyone with the plans and to inform us of the sleeping arrangements …in the group chat my sister said “Hey how about we do a sister room and then the kids (hers and mine) can share?” I said “Sounds good to me as long as the rooms are adjoining.”
That was literally all we said. Mom sent us a separate message berating us for having “sister chat” and leaving people out of the conversation and we should only talk privately. Um. Ok, so was she also messaging my uncle and cousin for joking around that cousin had to sleep in the kid room too (he’s in his 20s) and cousin replying that he’d be glad to since “you snore, old man.” ? …Spoiler: we found out later she did not tell them off.
She also then sent me messages to keep my sisters in line during this weekend and not let them start drama because this was important to grandma.
EXCUSE ME, MOTHER. What kind of heathens do you think we are that we’d start drama at our grandfather’s memorial?? Also, needless to say… my mother is notoriously the drama starter. Not us.
A bit later, the forecast started saying rain for the weekend. She insisted it was supposed to just rain on Saturday and storm on Sunday – Sunday being the day it was all supposed to happen. (my app said the opposite, but whatever.) She called me suggesting we change it to Saturday even though my one sister might be mad since she wasn’t arriving till Sunday morning. I keboshed that. Sister was not paying for a flight and taking off work for shits and giggles. I also told her we had gotten grandma a gift for the occasion and said sister was bringing the gift. If we couldn’t go out on the boat, we’d figure something else out. Mom said we couldn’t do it at the beach because people would see what we are doing… yes, but… if it’s storming enough to not go on the water, I doubt there’d be people at the beach. Come on. Think, woman.
A few days later while I’m on the way there, I get a text with info about the airport shuttle that goes to the hotel. I’m driving. I think she must have sent it to me by accident because it’s cousins coming by air that day, and my sister the next. Turns out she sent it to me and my sister. Later that night I mention I’ll be picking up sister the next morning at the airport. She says “oh I forgot you were gonna do that” then encouraged me to just have her use the shuttle. Nope. Promised her, why wouldn’t I? Also, you sure as fuck didn’t forget as you sent me the shuttle message too.
The next morning she wanted me to go through the boxes of crap she had brought. Keep in mind at this point that when she brought up bringing them, my response was “I dunno if I’ll have room in my car.”
That tidbit will be important later. Remember it.
I said again I’m going to go get my sister. I’ll look at them later. Oh, she forgot again I was gonna go get my sister. Whatever.
That afternoon, my mom is in high spirits because it’s not supposed to rain anymore. We go get on the godforsaken pontoon. We get stuck in the harbor for an hour waiting on trains to finish passing so that the bridge will raise up. This causes us not to be able to get even remotely near the beach that Grandma wanted to get to. Then, in the middle of the lake it starts pouring rain on us. It was miserable conditions, but what can ya do? We spread Grandpa’s ashes and it turns out that my uncle had brought our other uncle’s ashes and we spread those too. He had been born down there and used to swim in that lake too. We head back when it’s all said and done.
Mom declares that she doesn’t want to do a family dinner that evening, they’ll just eat at the hotel. Never mind that it’s the actual day of the memorial and that my sister hadn’t been able to have family dinner with us the night before.
That evening, at the hotel reception she repeats that GRANDMA doesn’t want to go out and they’ll eat at the hotel. Grandma, on the other hand, kept asking what the dinner plans were and were we going out…
I said no less than four times that if we weren’t doing family dinner I was gonna get me and my kids in jammies and order room service. My sisters and cousins decided to order pizza, which they did at the table and had it set to be delivered to one of my other sister’s rooms.
I gather my kids and head upstairs, again saying I’m getting in jammies and having room service – and reminding sisters and cousin’s wife they are supposed to come to my room later for wine and girl time.
About an hour later, while I’m eating my damn food, my mother calls me demanding to know where I am and aren’t I coming down to eat dinner with them.
No. I am in my jammies and eating room service just as I already said multiple times.
“Well, I thought you were gonna eat pizza down here with your sisters!”
No… Mom. Even if I did plan on pizza, my sisters were going to be getting the pizza delivered to their room.
“Well, what about these boxes in the truck YOU SAID YOU’D TAKE? You need to go through them!”
OMG. I never said I’d actually take them. Refer to above note I said to remember for just a time as this…
I told her I’d look at them in the morning. No, don’t bring them in the hotel… we’d just have to take them back out again. In the morning, ok.
Another, oh, 15 minutes go by and my sister comes up and says (exasperated) “Come on, apparently mom and Trent are now planning on leaving REALLY early in the morning and they say we all have to come down to their truck and get stuff out of it.”
“I told her I’d look in the AM, and since when is she leaving so early?”
“I dunno, she’s being all pissy about it.”
“I’m in my FUCKING PAJAMAS. My kids are in their pajamas! I’m eating my dinner! I fucking TOLD her that 15 mins ago!”
I went down anyway, leaving my kids with their food and the TV… I bitched the whole way, making it abundantly clear to everyone what a selfish jerk my mother was being.
She was all happy again once everyone, including cousins were gathered there… though she only had items for me and a couple other people. I threw the shit in my trunk cuz I wasn’t about to got sorting through it all right there like she wanted me to. She asked where my kids were… …
“I told you. In their jammies. Eating their dinner.”
The next morning, she called me at 0605. Wanting to know where the heck I was because I said I was gonna take the kids swimming before breakfast. Never mind that the pool only opens at 0600 and apparently the chain was still on the door so I wouldn’t have been able to be in there anyway. Well, she said if she didn’t see us at breakfast at 0630, she’d “call” to say goodbye. I straight up told her everyone was still sleeping.
0710 and she’s banging on my door saying goodbye and hugs and kisses etc etc. She asks where other sister is (the one she had wanted me not to pick up and wanted to exclude from stuff.) I said she was still sleeping. She said, as sweet as sugar “Oh well that won’t stop me from giving her a kiss goodbye!”
The woman walked into the bedroom area, patted her on the foot and said “Bye” and walked out again.
She’s barely spoken to that sister since grandpa’s funeral last year when, so I’m told, my mother was a royal asshole to my grandmother – rolling her eyes and snorting with disdain at everything my grandmother (the grieving widow) said about grandpa to her friends. Sister and mom were already on the rocks from an incident earlier in the year… Imma add that epic shitshow to my updated book, don’t worry lol. But Sister telling her afterwards that her behavior was not okay was the straw that broke the camel’s back apparently.
Come to find out she never even went to my other sisters’ room to tell them goodbye at all.
Anyway, the reason I am unloading all this onto you all right now… I just went through those goddamned boxes.
Two years ago, my mom had me go through boxes of my stuff. I took a bit of stuff and she then got butthurt because I was taking “her memories.” Even though she had straight up told me I needed to sort through it and take stuff out of her house.
This time, she brought not only the left over stuff I hadn’t wanted… but also all my legit “keepsake” box stuff. The actual mother’s memory shit – baby clothes and booties, locks of hair, baby teeth… cards I made for her… etc etc. The wrapping paper tube she used to talk to me in her belly… Also, it was all tossed in these boxes with no regard, so some stuff is broken or squashed.
Fuck you, mom.