anxiety, David, depression, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

“But Emma,” I hear you say. “You are officially a nurse now, you should know better than to fuck around with your meds.”

I sigh, because I know you’re right.

I suppose ‘fuck around’ is a bit strong of a description though. Fact is, my self care has been lacking lately and part of that equation is that my sleep schedule has gotten fucked and, by extension, so has my daily med schedule.

You see, I usually take my meds at bedtime – because the paroxetine for my multiple conditions makes me sleepy, and my prazosin for my PTSD dreams – well… might as well take that at bedtime, and also it assists me to remember to take both meds when I do it simultaneously.

But I am working three jobs this summer. I’m trying to save up as much as I can towards my tuition, at least enough to cover my last semester of the ADN program and hopefully get a jump start towards my BSN tuition.

I am working fulltime in a night shift position for an RN-externship for the summer and then my normal part time job plus a casual LPN position. When I work nights, I won’t take my meds until I come home in the morning.

It hasn’t been too much of an issue till I actually completely forgot one day and went close to 48 hours without my meds. Now I feel like I’m playing catch up and I have to get stricter with myself as I started to get some PTSD symptoms back.

The heart lurch when I listened to an old My Favorite Murder episode of which took place in a skate culture setting.

The careful swallow; hoping that would be enough to push my heart back down from my throat into my chest.

My eyes starting to water; then comes a fit of sneezing – and the relief I feel that I wasn’t crying for real after all… or at least it wouldn’t appear that way to anyone nearby.

Luckily, it hasn’t gone too far past that. I did have a really freaking weird dream the very night… day? after I didn’t take the prazosin, but at least it wasn’t David centric. It was just … odd. I guess I’d rather have strange lucid dreams, than even vague David dreams.

Then, my husband got sick, so that screwed my own self care focus again. My goal for this week is to do just that, as much as I can. When I’m not at work, I will only do the minimum of house cleaning. Otherwise I will be focusing on relaxing and, oh I dunno… get back to my writing for a bit. At least until school starts up again.

 

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