anxiety, Dane, David

Back in the Day

Last night I attended a divorce party for one of the nurses I work with. It was at a pub with good food, drinks, and a mixture of people I knew and/or recognize from work and people I didn't know. It was pleasant... but here's my problem. Something I realized last night... I have this… Continue reading Back in the Day

Adventures in Dating, anxiety, David, depression, memoir, memories, mother, relationships, Wyatt

Somatic Symptoms and Problematic Memories

I made a discovery while talking to my therapist yesterday. I suppose I just hadn't thought about it before as both topics are separate in my head for the most part. But yesterday, we as we were working on trauma response, as we transitioned from talking about specific memories of Wyatt to specific memories of… Continue reading Somatic Symptoms and Problematic Memories

anxiety, depression, Husband

Unpack All The Boxes

I am aware. I am aware of the fact that my actions and reactions in relationships can be categorized as bad, just as bad. Perhaps even worse. Considering I've had such actions used against me. Relationships that changed my entire view of how relationships work and how to, shall we say... survive them. Emotional manipulations,… Continue reading Unpack All The Boxes

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Weird Couch Fever Dream

I slept like shit last night you guys, and let me tell you why. Well, first of all I'm sick - so that didn't help things, but... since I'm sick and feared being contagious to hubby, I slept on the couch. I had a new bottle of Paxil in the living room so I took… Continue reading Weird Couch Fever Dream

anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, Maja, svea, Uncategorized

Being a Nothing-of-Consequence

My anxiety is rising. I was in a good mood earlier today, and I plan on feeling okay tomorrow... The thing is that as the holiday season starts, I am catching ripples of anxiety - like waves of salt hitting my face, suddenly so that I don't have time to close my mouth. I sputter… Continue reading Being a Nothing-of-Consequence

anxiety, David, memories, relationships, teenage years, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Freaking Frigid – A Memory

It came back to me today, a memory I'd like to say was vague - as I hadn't thought about it for a very long time. But it's not, not vague at all. I've been having these snippets pop up in my mind here and there, seemingly randomly over the past few weeks. I'm not… Continue reading Freaking Frigid – A Memory

anxiety, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

Honestly, I don't know if I have anything interesting to spew at the moment. I just felt like getting back to the root of my blog/writing career for a minute - I felt like writing without a purpose to see what would emerge. I hope to clarify my inner self, to figure out why I… Continue reading Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

anxiety, David, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety

Stranger Things Spoilers Below. Proceed with caution 😉 I finally finished Stranger Things season 3 last night and it was so depressing. I'm not talking about Hopper's possible death - because the way it was handled I am relatively certain he will suddenly show back up and have a wild story as to how he… Continue reading In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety

anxiety, David, depression, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

"But Emma," I hear you say. "You are officially a nurse now, you should know better than to fuck around with your meds." I sigh, because I know you're right. I suppose 'fuck around' is a bit strong of a description though. Fact is, my self care has been lacking lately and part of that… Continue reading Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

anxiety, David, depression, Medical, Uncategorized

The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

Sorry for the delay in updating, my psych appointment was postponed a few weeks. I had my follow up just yesterday afternoon. I discussed with my doctor the fact that I've seen the article about David... with his accolades saying he recently was promoted to Major, he's getting his Masters in a few months, and… Continue reading The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

anxiety, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

At What Level is it Normal?

I have a follow up with my psychiatrist in a few days. She wants to check on how my meds are doing now that I am entering the annual timeframe that the worst of my PTSD usually takes effect. So what am I going to tell her? I keep thinking about it... do I still… Continue reading At What Level is it Normal?

anxiety, Medical, memories, Uncategorized

Suddenly, My Vision Was Gone

There I was, lying back in the dentist's chair with a nasal mask resting on my face. My limbs were tingling and I was slowly getting sleepy. I thought to myself 'I don't think nitrous oxide is supposed to knock me out... is it?' I had never had it before, in all honesty. I didn't… Continue reading Suddenly, My Vision Was Gone

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Take your Xanax, mothers, Emma is fine

Oh gosh, you guys, I hadn't realized it had been quite so long since I have written on here... Apologies for any of you that may have worried about me or what have you. Well, let's be honest, I'm sure most didn't notice - I take random long breaks fairly regularly - but imma gonna… Continue reading Take your Xanax, mothers, Emma is fine

anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, relationships, support, Uncategorized

Being Disposable

I've discovered something definitive about my friendship with Dane this week. Well, ex-friendship at this point. I have become disposable to him. I'm not sure when exactly it happened, sometime over the last two years since I moved back to the USA. Up until that point... the last time I had talked to him while… Continue reading Being Disposable

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Heeeey… I’m Still Alive!

I've been so busy lately... I was hoping to write a proper blog post last weekend, while I was off of work - but I was away in Philadelphia for my sister's wedding, and my hopes for some downtime for writing did not come to fruition. I feel like I have so much to say,… Continue reading Heeeey… I’m Still Alive!

anxiety, Uncategorized

Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD Part 2

Yesterday I shared with you the two main exercises I am to try to assist in minimizing my anxiety and my PTSD. Those exercises, though can be done in the moment while having an anxiety or PTSD attack, were for more long term changes to my brain. Today, I am also going to share two… Continue reading Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD Part 2

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD

Oh geez, you guys, I apologize. I still need to write up more posts about the trip to Sweden I had in July... I had so many things I wanted to document, but I just haven't had the time. Hopefully one day soon... But I've been dealing with nursing school the past three weeks, as… Continue reading Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD

anxiety, David, depression, Husband, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

I've been working on my Sweden Trip posts... But also I got my manuscript back from my editor on Thursday before working Friday through Sunday... so It'll be a little bit before I get those promised posts out. However, I have another long-awaited post to give you now... So... Enjoy 🙂 **************** Yesterday, I went… Continue reading Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

anxiety, depression, Medical, Uncategorized

Psych Appointment and Update

I finally had my psych appointment yesterday. I was so tense and nervous all day, even after the appointment was over. Tension headache plagued me all day, I felt winded, and my tummy was upset most of the afternoon as well - primarily just before and through the appointment itself. I had about an hour… Continue reading Psych Appointment and Update

anxiety, depression, Movies / TV / Netflix, Uncategorized

Kate and Anthony… And Chester and Robin and Amy … And…

I wasn't going to write a post about Kate Spade. I don't have any particular connection to her fashion - that's not to say that I didn't like a lot of what I've seen of hers - but I don't think I even own one of her items. I didn't want to dwell on negative… Continue reading Kate and Anthony… And Chester and Robin and Amy … And…