David, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Not When He’s Smiling

"He doesn't look abusive," she said when I showed her a picture of my ex. "No, I suppose he doesn't," I responded. Thinking to myself at least not when he's smiling... if he was screaming in her face, she wouldn't think that. It was always fun with him around, until it wasn't. He was always… Continue reading Not When He’s Smiling

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Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

A Twinge of Betrayal

Had a revelation today. A potentially awful revelation. Dane and David are back in contact, via Facebook, if nothing else. I don't know how long they've been in touch. As far as I can tell it'll have been less than a few months since they reconnected on FB... but I don't really know. I sent… Continue reading A Twinge of Betrayal

David, Husband, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

My Idiosyncrasies

Get ready for a ramble fest y'all. Last night hubs said something that made me think... I have been blaming Wyatt for instilling a lot of negative relationship behaviours in me... and to an extent I think that's still true, but perhaps I've been bred to be ... How did he put it? ... I… Continue reading My Idiosyncrasies

David, depression, memories, Movies / TV / Netflix, relationships, Timmy, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Glad You Didn’t Die, I Guess

**Fair warning, it's a swearing kinda day** 51 weeks ago, exactly, I wrote about Valentines Day Vs St Patrick's day as a half assed effort to refocus myself from the Lenten/St Patrick's season that I usually become depressed in. This year, however, Valentines day legit starts the actual season of Lent. Ash Wednesday and St… Continue reading Glad You Didn’t Die, I Guess

David, Excerise, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

Far Away From My Corporeal Body

I had another dream about David on Christmas Eve. Unexpected, it's been several months if not longer since I've had one of those. I'm not sure if something actually triggered it, or if it was just my brain saying "hey,  guess what we haven't dreamt about in awhile?" Whenever I have these dreams, they always… Continue reading Far Away From My Corporeal Body

Best Friends, Dane, David, Husband, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

The Story of: A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying ClusterF**K

I summarized my dealings with David in one main sentence "A Full force whirlwind of terrifying clusterfuck," in my last post. Though I've written parts of the story here and there on the blog and my older readers pretty much know the details, I figured I would rehash the story a little in these last… Continue reading The Story of: A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying ClusterF**K

David, depression, memoir, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying Clusterf**k

Is there anything new to say? No, I don't really think so. The stories are all in the past; they aren't currently happening. No fresh material to be had. I can't say I'm sorry about that. There's a sense of relief, actually, when I think about that. Though it's all in the past, it is… Continue reading A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying Clusterf**k

David, memories, relationships, Timmy, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Hashtag MeToo

I've said it many times before. Share your stories, make others aware of the prevalence of the many liberties taken with women without their consent. The first step in changing the rape culture in our society. Now there is a social media trend asking women (and even men!) to make their statuses say "Me Too"… Continue reading Hashtag MeToo

David, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

God, just move on already, Emma!

I've been sitting here for an hour, one sentence written - since deleted. I've had this vague sense of what I would write about, but it's hard to express the swirling thoughts about it in my head. I've had the passing thought about the topic for a few days, and then today I stumbled upon… Continue reading God, just move on already, Emma!

David, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

It Ceases To Surprise Me

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which starts this weekend, I did a poll on my facebook to gauge how many of my facebook friends had been assaulted or experienced domestic violence/abuse. The majority that answered were not cases I already knew about, so you'd think that would be surprising. Perhaps I have become… Continue reading It Ceases To Surprise Me

Adventures in Dating, David, Husband, Posts With Off Site Links, relationships, support, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Two days until October, and you know what that means! No, no... well... yes, Halloween; but that's not what I'm here to talk about this evening. It was brought to my attention today that here in America, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. One of the other blogs I follow (When I Thought I was… Continue reading Domestic Violence Awareness Month

David, depression, Husband, memories, relationship, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

I’ve Caught The Feels

The thing is, for many years, I built up my walls and buried emotions deep down... I'd remain calm and like a duck out of water, I'd let a whole lot of stuff roll off my back. Eventually my suppressed emotions would bubble over until I breathed fire if and when certain people stepped over… Continue reading I’ve Caught The Feels

Best of, David, depression, Husband, Medical, memories, relationships, Wyatt

Happy Little Compartments

Compartmentalization: without realizing it; it's what I do. I divide my mind into happy little compartments. No... Not all of them are happy. The ones that are not happy... Well, I happily ignore. Well... I ignore them in any case. Self destructive behaviour I've had in the past, behaviour that I am ashamed of that… Continue reading Happy Little Compartments

David, Husband, relationships

My complex about the man…

I have been largely absent the last few days here on WordPress... not even my usual stalking of the reader pane that occurs most every day... one or two posts read only and certainly no writing to be had. I've wanted to desperately, but at the same time did not have the mental capacity nor… Continue reading My complex about the man…

David, depression, Husband, Leroy, Uncategorized

No Longer Woefully Tattooless

I've been wanting a tattoo since I was 17. I've told you all this before. I was never the type to jump in for such a permanent addition to my body without being absolutely sure I would love it forever... So I gave myself time limits to think on ideas and if I had any… Continue reading No Longer Woefully Tattooless

David, depression, memoir, memories, Uncategorized

Bring on the Tacky Shit

"I dream he has his hand around my neck, his face close to mine with that determined gaze of his. I know he doesn’t ever think about me anymore. I know that these dreams are irrational, especially now that the likelihood of us ever being in the same city again is slim – that’s what… Continue reading Bring on the Tacky Shit

Adventures in Dating, David, Excerise, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Intense As…

I have a new friend you guise. Another American that recently moved here, and we have so much in common, it seems. I went to her house yesterday for an Art date (Just sit around and chat while being creative - it's been a good 7ish years since I've had a friend to do that… Continue reading Intense As…

Adventures in Dating, David, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

Come on, dude. WTF?

When I was 25, later in the year after shit went down with David and then Dane and they were gone - I had one of my good friends invite me over to meet her new boyfriend. I had told her I wasn't feeling well (turns out I was pregnant with my first child, but… Continue reading Come on, dude. WTF?

Best Friends, Best of, Dane, David, Maja, relationships, svea, Uncategorized

Well, Hello Sailor

The problem with asking your best friends for ideas for your blog is that they will invariably bring up that they still laugh when you write BJJ - for it's resemblance to the acronym "BJ" - and then suggest that that you write something vulgar. Well, that's my best friends for you anyway. So, no,… Continue reading Well, Hello Sailor

Adventures in Dating, Andre, David, Husband, Jimmy, memoir, memories, relationship, relationships, Sven, teenage years, Viktor, Wyatt, youth

Dissociation and Flippancy

I just picked up Amy Schumer's book "The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo." I came across it yesterday at our local Kmart, I reached out and picked it up without a second thought. Not even considering the price as I would usually do. That's because I've long considered her my spirit animal - a… Continue reading Dissociation and Flippancy