Best Friends, Dane, David, relationships

You and Me, Emma

Dane and I are talking again... To an extent. For those of you that have followed me for the past several years, I'm sure you are sighing and rolling your eyes at this point. "What the fuck, Emma," I hear you mutter under your breath. "Just walk away and for fucks' sake stay away." Ok,… Continue reading You and Me, Emma

Dan, Dane, David, Husband, Jimmy, Sven, Viktor, Wyatt

I Was A Slut For Sleeping With Him

Write it down, I'm told. Anything you can remember, just write it down. The thing is you want me to remember, to recall events, to be able to tell you about them - but you fail to understand that these particulars, the particulars I am ashamed of, were not that important to me. Not in… Continue reading I Was A Slut For Sleeping With Him

David, depression, Husband, Medical, memoir, memories, Uncategorized

“It’s Been a Long Road” …or “Never Give Up on Your Dreams”

You guys. I did it. Not only did I pass my RN-NCLEX a couple weeks ago, but I have - as of today - officially become a Registered Nurse. I know I have written about how I wanted to be an RN for a long time on this blog before - years ago at this… Continue reading “It’s Been a Long Road” …or “Never Give Up on Your Dreams”

Adventures in Dating, David, Maja, memoir, relationship, teenage years, Uncategorized, Wyatt

90s Girl at Heart

A few days ago I was listening to a podcast, as I am wont to do almost any moment during my free time these days, and the guest struck a particular cord with me this time. She was a 90s girl at heart, she told Dax Shepard on his podcast "Armchair Expert" (August 12, 2019… Continue reading 90s Girl at Heart

anxiety, David, memories, relationships, teenage years, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Freaking Frigid – A Memory

It came back to me today, a memory I'd like to say was vague - as I hadn't thought about it for a very long time. But it's not, not vague at all. I've been having these snippets pop up in my mind here and there, seemingly randomly over the past few weeks. I'm not… Continue reading Freaking Frigid – A Memory

anxiety, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

Honestly, I don't know if I have anything interesting to spew at the moment. I just felt like getting back to the root of my blog/writing career for a minute - I felt like writing without a purpose to see what would emerge. I hope to clarify my inner self, to figure out why I… Continue reading Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

anxiety, David, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety

Stranger Things Spoilers Below. Proceed with caution 😉 I finally finished Stranger Things season 3 last night and it was so depressing. I'm not talking about Hopper's possible death - because the way it was handled I am relatively certain he will suddenly show back up and have a wild story as to how he… Continue reading In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety

anxiety, David, depression, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

"But Emma," I hear you say. "You are officially a nurse now, you should know better than to fuck around with your meds." I sigh, because I know you're right. I suppose 'fuck around' is a bit strong of a description though. Fact is, my self care has been lacking lately and part of that… Continue reading Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized

Smoldering Bridge

Dane unfriended me on Facebook. I told you that. He inferred I was disposable and it seemed he'd rather keep David in the FB friendship circle. Ok, fine then. I accepted that, though it hurt initially. The thing is, even after pushing me away so hard; trying his damnedest to put distance between us and… Continue reading Smoldering Bridge

anxiety, David, depression, Medical, Uncategorized

The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

Sorry for the delay in updating, my psych appointment was postponed a few weeks. I had my follow up just yesterday afternoon. I discussed with my doctor the fact that I've seen the article about David... with his accolades saying he recently was promoted to Major, he's getting his Masters in a few months, and… Continue reading The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

anxiety, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

At What Level is it Normal?

I have a follow up with my psychiatrist in a few days. She wants to check on how my meds are doing now that I am entering the annual timeframe that the worst of my PTSD usually takes effect. So what am I going to tell her? I keep thinking about it... do I still… Continue reading At What Level is it Normal?

anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, relationships, support, Uncategorized

Being Disposable

I've discovered something definitive about my friendship with Dane this week. Well, ex-friendship at this point. I have become disposable to him. I'm not sure when exactly it happened, sometime over the last two years since I moved back to the USA. Up until that point... the last time I had talked to him while… Continue reading Being Disposable

anxiety, David, depression, Husband, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

I've been working on my Sweden Trip posts... But also I got my manuscript back from my editor on Thursday before working Friday through Sunday... so It'll be a little bit before I get those promised posts out. However, I have another long-awaited post to give you now... So... Enjoy 🙂 **************** Yesterday, I went… Continue reading Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

David, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Not When He’s Smiling

"He doesn't look abusive," she said when I showed her a picture of my ex. "No, I suppose he doesn't," I responded. Thinking to myself at least not when he's smiling... if he was screaming in her face, she wouldn't think that. It was always fun with him around, until it wasn't. He was always… Continue reading Not When He’s Smiling

Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

A Twinge of Betrayal

Had a revelation today. A potentially awful revelation. Dane and David are back in contact, via Facebook, if nothing else. I don't know how long they've been in touch. As far as I can tell it'll have been less than a few months since they reconnected on FB... but I don't really know. I sent… Continue reading A Twinge of Betrayal

David, Husband, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

My Idiosyncrasies

Get ready for a ramble fest y'all. Last night hubs said something that made me think... I have been blaming Wyatt for instilling a lot of negative relationship behaviours in me... and to an extent I think that's still true, but perhaps I've been bred to be ... How did he put it? ... I… Continue reading My Idiosyncrasies

David, depression, memories, Movies / TV / Netflix, relationships, Timmy, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Glad You Didn’t Die, I Guess

**Fair warning, it's a swearing kinda day** 51 weeks ago, exactly, I wrote about Valentines Day Vs St Patrick's day as a half assed effort to refocus myself from the Lenten/St Patrick's season that I usually become depressed in. This year, however, Valentines day legit starts the actual season of Lent. Ash Wednesday and St… Continue reading Glad You Didn’t Die, I Guess

David, Excerise, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

Far Away From My Corporeal Body

I had another dream about David on Christmas Eve. Unexpected, it's been several months if not longer since I've had one of those. I'm not sure if something actually triggered it, or if it was just my brain saying "hey,  guess what we haven't dreamt about in awhile?" Whenever I have these dreams, they always… Continue reading Far Away From My Corporeal Body

Best Friends, Dane, David, Husband, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

The Story of: A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying ClusterF**K

I summarized my dealings with David in one main sentence "A Full force whirlwind of terrifying clusterfuck," in my last post. Though I've written parts of the story here and there on the blog and my older readers pretty much know the details, I figured I would rehash the story a little in these last… Continue reading The Story of: A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying ClusterF**K

David, depression, memoir, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying Clusterf**k

Is there anything new to say? No, I don't really think so. The stories are all in the past; they aren't currently happening. No fresh material to be had. I can't say I'm sorry about that. There's a sense of relief, actually, when I think about that. Though it's all in the past, it is… Continue reading A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying Clusterf**k