I’m taking a quick break from Reblogging Rae – nearly finished anyway – to make comment on something…

I just saw this article regarding the lady that started the semi colon movement.

She was a Wisconsinite whose influence reached around the world. I personally have at least 4 friends in Australia that received semi colon tattoos due to her movement.

I’m sure the majority of you know of which movement I speak… the one that let people know that a semi colon is used when an author could have ended a sentence, but chose not to. Just as any given person with depression could have ended their life, but chose not to.

Unfortunately, Amy lost her battle with depression at a younger age than I am… it goes to show even leaders of movements and inspirational people can’t always win against all odds.

My condolences go out to her friends and family. I hope that her memory and her voice live on for an exceptionally long time. 

No Longer Woefully Tattooless

I’ve been wanting a tattoo since I was 17. I’ve told you all this before. I was never the type to jump in for such a permanent addition to my body without being absolutely sure I would love it forever… So I gave myself time limits to think on ideas and if I had any doubts by that time I would write off the idea.

That is why, at 19, when I started to date my tattooed husband, I was still woefully tattooless. …And he wished it to remain that way.

Mid-last year I recall telling you guys that I finally decided what I really wanted. I had been thinking about it for years and had yet to change my mind. So I brought it up to Jason again. At that time – after 13 years of marriage – he agreed that he wouldn’t mind anymore if I got one. The only conditions were to not do it in Alice… I had to wait until I was back in the US at a minimum. It would not only be cheaper, but I’d have more options as far as locations/artists, and most importantly the place in Alice was supposedly notoriously unsanitary – having been shut down more than once.


I have since tweaked the tattoo I wanted last year – still has the same image; I have just added to it. I have also since moved to Marinette, WI. Once we settled I looked up reviews of tattoo parlours in the vicinity, and it turned out the one in Marinette itself had very good reviews and the art posted on their Facebook was impressive. So I made a consult appointment on my birthday (Jason will be paying for my tattoo as a birthday present.)

The appointment has been made for April 12th with “Ryan 2” …I’m รผber excited, naturally… but… Much closer to Paul’s April 6th birthday than my February 7th one ๐Ÿ˜› Sooo… Yay! Happy Birthday, Paul, present for meeeee!

Srsly though, I have been trying to remain patient. I’ve waited 17 years after all. Well, today the parlour posted on Facebook that they had some walk in times available.

I had been thinking about a particular phrase I wanted as well, thinking I’d wait till after my other planned one… but… the opportunity presented itself… and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have my first tattoo actually be a small one, before I settle in for a bigger one.

So I strolled back into Main Street Electric Tattoo Co in Marinette, WI


I got a spot with “Ryan 1” – the owner of said business – and handed him my slip of paper. It had the phrase I wanted, in my handwriting to keep it as one-of-a-kind as possible. I wanted the phrase “Nevertheless, she persisted” except… with it being such a prevalent quote at the moment, I don’t trust that other women wouldn’t get essentially the same tattoo. I would at least hope my body art will be more unique than not.

So I wrote it down in Swedish: “Hon hรคrdade รคndรฅ”

Not only do I love the quote in as far as the words having been said in the spirit of reprimand, yet the world has latched onto these words and turned them into praise. I have also connected with these words on a personal level.

I sent a bracelet to my sister, Finding Reverie, for her birthday this past week – yes we are both February babies – with “Nevertheless, she persisted” as well. My feeling was that regardless of the popular connotation, that she would be able to take those words as her own. Take those words as a reminder that she is a fucking strong woman that has made it through a hell of a lot in her 24 years. Like a Viking, Huah! …and hey, our people are Nordic… ๐Ÿ˜‰ Truth is, Reverie was in a very abusive relationship more recently that I. She still struggles with anxiety and the like because of it.

Side note: SHE LOVED IT. I am the most awesome biggest sister she has in the world! ๐Ÿ˜€

As we know, I too have had my struggles with my past abusers as well as the depression. These words remind me somewhat of the semi-colon movement… Though I have never wanted one of those tattoos because at this point soooo many people have essentially the same thing. I’ve showed you Vollie-Dan’s… My friend Mitch has one… another friend Tiffany has one (though to be fair hers is more elaborate, so that’s cool.) As I’ve said… I’ve never wanted matchy-matchy type tattoos.

Anyway, that is my reasoning behind this brand new tattoo… and, naturally, I have pictures for you. Enjoy!

My stenciled wrist drying and eagerly anticipating the start… and Ryan 1 at work. It was… uh… stingy. LOL… Stingy, but manageable.

My view from the chair – Ryan 1’s work space.

Ryan 2’s work space and the wall behind the register… I just love their decor.ย  Unfortunately I did not take pictures of everything. Check out their FB page linked above for further examples if you are so inclined.

Oh, of course… I need to show you the finished product!

Hmmmm… apparently I need to update my manicure. Ignore that, why don’t you? ๐Ÿ˜‰

So anyway, now all there is to do is let it heal and wait patiently for my bigger tattoo. I’ve got my salve… and… the only fragrance free soap I could find in my house was a Swedish egg soap …fitting? LOL. I’m ready to go…

and Hey! Stinging subsided quite awhile ago; regardless, it was worth the pain and worth the ability to say “I persisted” despite it.

Bring on the Tacky Shit

“I dream he has his hand around my neck, his face close to mine with that determined gaze of his. I know he doesnโ€™t ever think about me anymore. I know that these dreams are irrational, especially now that the likelihood of us ever being in the same city again is slim โ€“ thatโ€™s what I tell myself anyway when I wake up in a cold sweat.”

That is a quote from the very first post I wrote about St Patrick’s day. The first time I told the world why I’ve hated the holiday so passionately for the past 9 years. (Oh My God, has it really been that long??? Counting… Math… Yup… Had just enough fingers to figure that one out….)

JESUS! 9 Fucking years!? I wrote that post exactly two years ago, February 17, 2015. At that point – 7 years in – it was still especially intense; as you can see. Even so – 7 years was way too long.

Writing that post was the start of working through it. The start of me recognizing in myself what was really going on in my head, as well as why my depression had gotten so much like clockwork – starting every Lenten/St Patrick’s time frame… and lasting through to April usually. Over the past two years, since I’ve been letting all my shit out on the internet and in my books, it’s been steadily getting better. I’ve let a bunch of emotional baggage free – release that shit y’all… Write it out. Talk about it frankly. Does wonders, I tell ya. Also, getting the resolve to actually do something about your own sense of self preservation does wonders in such cases as well… Particularly, as you can tell from the quote above, cases in which you have a deep seated fears – especially those rooted in abusive situations – kickboxing, Jiu Jitsu, MMA… Self -Defense… all those kinds of training classes do wonders as well.

That year was rough, last year was much less so. This year I’ve resolved to get over the hump. I won’t let it be 9 years. Certainly not a decade. I used to adore Irish things in general… Love Celtic music… Irish Gaelic has long been a language I want to add to my list of skills. As a kid I loved the simple pleasure of getting to pinch my sisters if they forgot to wear green on March 17th. Ha… I remember dying my hair and eyebrows green temporarily in 1999 – at the time I was dating Andre. It was supposed to wash out as it was only hair mascara… but my eyebrows seemed to decide that they wanted to hold on to the pigment a tad bit longer LOL.

I didn’t repel from the glittery green this year. In fact, I considered buying something thoroughly tacky. Then I thought, no… Perhaps I would buy something slightly more tasteful. Something that would vaguely remind me of St Patrick’s day, but something I could easily wear anytime of year to remind me of the journey I have taken so far. Remind me that mistakes can be righted, remind me not to beat myself up so much, remind myself never to get involved with a man such as David again. Remind myself never to let a man manhandle me again – not without a fight anyway.

So you wanna see what I got?? ๐Ÿ˜€


While this is a Pennsylvania Dutch hex, it has a shamrock on it obviously. Makes it not overtly Irish – I’ve always like Penn Dutch stuff anyway – and hey Shamrock symbolizes luck here – as do the two distelfinks… so double the luck, hey? ๐Ÿ˜‰


I also ordered this, but it hasn’t arrived yet… Again not outright Irish (It’s an antique Scottish bangle) but if you’ll notice there are shamrocks in the design around the sides.

So there you go. While I’m showing y’all jewelry, I might as well show you the two items I just got in the mail today – bought them with a gift card my father sent me for my birthday. Note on the watch – I was really considering the Ariel (because Red Hair, duh.) or the Goth Tinker Bell (both similar art styles and style of watch (though different metals) to the one below) …Goth Tinker Bell would have been so me as well… But ultimately I decided on Sleeping Beauty because she was always my favorite princess growing up. It also reminded me of a water color I did for girl I knew for her birthday years ago. That little girl adored me and her favorite was Sleeping Beauty as well. I painted it and put it in a frame and she literally squealed when she opened it… and kept it by her bedside… I digress… I’m sorry… anyway:

I also am all about retro cassette tapes – I have a dress and a jansport backpack with cassettes as well as a belt buckle that I need to find an actual belt to use with it. I was seriously considering the earrings that match this necklace as well LOL.

Okay, well I’ll wrap it up now. I’d just like to note about my featured image… I have very much resisted the urge to display my bitstrips/bitmoji crazy here. Haha, when Bitstrips was still an active app (sooo bummed they shut it down) I would annoy the ever living fuck out of my FB friends with it – though… I must say… I was freaking hilarious. It’s a small comfort I still have Bitmoji to use LOL

That being said… I am super tempted to get it all out of my system and prep a post now with a bunch of my old Bitstrips… HAHAHA ….Hmmm……

Big Girls Don’t Cry

I’ve said it before – I hate to cry over men. Really it’s more of a hate to let them see that I’m crying over them. Eventually, the closer I get and the longer I know them the more likely they are statistically to witness an outpouring of emotion I am unable to control before I get away. Nevertheless, it’s been awhile… But I cried over a boy this morning.

It wasn’t a romantic related issue at least… I am for the most part past those days of my youth where I may or may not have sobbed over a mean boy or two.

I can’t go into too many details – he wouldn’t appreciate the world knowing, he’s asked me in the past to not put other related details out here in blogland a time or two over the past few years.

However; today this man suggested that he is not good enough to be my friend. He is not a friend I deserve… He told me to give up on him. It reminded me of the time my husband told me he had always thought that I was too good for him and that one day I would leave him for a better man (he told me this back in 2008 after the thing with David blew up.)

My heart just about broke.

I’m not going to give up on him… I haven’t yet over the many years I’ve known him. I’ve made it clear to him that I won’t give up on him and that I still love him – he means too much to me. He seemed to appreciate that.

I had a good cry after it was all done. He would have had no idea, naturally, what I was doing in that moment.

I know I could probably save myself a lot of hurt having let our friendship end years and years ago… but he said once that we need to stick together, me and him… and you know, I intend to keep that promise.

Lonely Hearts Club

I spoke to Klutzy today and discussed how difficult it is to find really good friends – people you really connect with – when you are like us and tend to move around every few years.

It really sucks and it tends to be that we’ll find someone to be close with only within the last year of being at a location – or regardless a couple of years in. A couple of years of overall being lonely…

Fact is, I met Klutzy in Australia. We are both American women within the same age group …and we met early on… But we didn’t really become friends until that standard time frame. Less than a year before we both left the country …She having left just a handful of months before I did. (And of course there was the whole sad situation that I also met T4mk4t and connected with her a mere two months before I left… Siiiggghhhh.) One other really good friend came about simply because she was a friend of my mother and when she moved to my town I was instructed to take care of her, lol – luckily we really hit it off from the start… She didn’t come until I had been there 2 years already though. Transient living sucks sometimes… but at the same time it’s all I know. Even when I was in TN for a longer period (7 years) many of my good friends there were transient.

Anyway, basically what happened as far as Klutzy and myself was that we became Facebook friends fairly early after having met… and eventually I won her over with my online wit. Ha! No but seriously, it took awhile but one day through Facebook we realised how many things we had in common and it snowballed from there.

I realised that I tend to do that… I meet someone through a friend or at a party and if I like them then I request them on Facebook. Sometimes it works out like with Klutzy – eventually connecting us on a deeper level… and sometimes it comes to nothing more than staying friendly acquaintances that run into each other periodically in the same social circles.

Regardless, I am so much better at expressing myself through the written word. Especially when I would otherwise be nervous or what have you. I still write letters or emails to my husband when I have something I find difficult to talk to him directly about.

My husband says he’s jealous of my ability to make friends easily… My ability to be sociable. The thing he doesn’t get though is that I am actually a very reserved person. I don’t trust my ability to charm people in environments that I don’t know. I struggle to open up to anyone or make the first step. Once I am settled somewhere and surrounded by friendly people/people I know; once I’m comfortable in my surroundings I am a lot more outgoing. I like to take the newbies under my wing, I am very friendly and open up a lot easier. That’s the reason T4mk4t and I connected so quickly – she was a newbie – so the conversation flowed a lot easier on my end, which in turn brought out all of our similarities.

I’m rambling now. I know… It’s just… It sucks. Klutzy and I are once again in the same country, but we are on opposite sides of the country. Older close friends here in the US are also far away – Erica is actually much closer to Klutzy, Dane is 6 hours away, so he is actually the closest of any old friends to me… yet no so close that I could just see whenever….

On top of all that I feel like I am slipping away from Dane regardless… or maybe he is slipping away from me. Maybe this is an irrational thought process brought on by being lonely again. Maybe it’s just that we have been too used to a sizeable time difference and not communicating on the regular like we used to before I moved to Australia.

I have yet to find that I have much of a chance to meet anyone anyway. I went to one kid’s birthday party my daughter was invited to – there were a couple mums there – I made some small talk, but otherwise … … … I was uncomfortable and couldn’t bring myself to pull out of my reserved nature.

I’m sure soon enough I will start to meet some friendly enough people that I can be sociable with – but fact is I’m not only nervous that I won’t find anyone to get close with… I’m nervous that I will get comfortable in a group of people only to have them turn on me when they get to know the real me. Like many of the church ladies did in Australia.

I had a realisation whilst talking to Klutzy today as well that I think that’s why I ended up giving so many of my Cooties paperbacks away after that. It was as though I figured that if someone read it and liked it then they would like me. How fucking pitiful does that sound? Basically it would serve to let them see who I really was and I’d find out sooner rather than later if they would be judgemental and I wouldn’t let myself get in too deep in a friendship that would otherwise serve to hurt me later.

Another possible problem I’m concerned about is that where I am at currently could have us being here for a handful of years, at the same time we are only guaranteed to stay for a year. What if we leave after a year and I’ve found no real friends and then I have to start all over again? I’m also hesitant to start school again like I want to if it’ll just get interrupted AGAIN. Then again, who knows… if it was an opportunity to get back to Europe or something I suppose I wouldn’t be too heart broken over all… it’s just… an awfully long time to fell lonely like this, you know?

I’ve just gotto say though, thank god for modern technology. If I lived in a time before email, smart phones, Facebook, WhatsApp… WordPress… etc etc I’d have no way to adequately keep up with my current close friends. Though they can’t be near me and actually hang out, though we can’t see each other whenever we want… we can’t be together physically…ย  at least we can still message, I can still pour my heart out in a voice note… Or, ha, a blog post… we can still talk most days if we like.


Okay, well that was long and depressing. Apologies. So I’ll end it here on a happier note and tell you all that I made the consult appointment for my tattoo! Finally, I’ve been wanting one for half my life now… I started wanting one at 17 and I am about to be 34. In fact, the consult appointment is for my birthday – February 7th. I’ve also decided to expand the design a bit from my original thought and I am very happy with what I’ve decided on. So… Yay! I’ll obviously update you all with the progress and the finished product.

Anyway, I’m gonna leave this here now… Love ya, babes… MUAH ๐Ÿ˜‰

St Valentines vs St Patricks

Well, it’s that time of year again… St Patrick’s day?? WHAT?? I started seeing St Patrick’s day stuff in Walmart last week… NOOOOOoooooooo! Then I saw this on my Facebook newsfeed today:


…Of which I would totally rock if it weren’t clearly St Patrick’s day related. Ugh. I used to love St Patrick’s day. To be honest, though I had an initial feeling of shock and a sinking feeling when I saw the Walmart display, this year it doesn’t feel so bad. I think I’m not nearly as affected by the thought of it as years past. My writing over the past couple of years has really helped release the pent up emotions.ย  That being said, I’m not so sure I’m willing to pull the trigger on actually buying any related merchandise or drinking the green beer or what have you.

Instead I have decided this year to embrace Valentines day in the first instance – lemme celebrate another Saint more fervently… Mmmkaaay? Haha it has been many many years since I even remotely cared about Valentines day.

It used to bother me as a teen when I (usually) did not have a boyfriend to share such a day with… No one to call my Valentine. I got over that quick enough. Once I was married it mattered even less and I preferred not to fight crowds to go out for dinner or whatever. My birthday is exactly a week prior so we tend to do dinner and/or something special then and it’s not much worth doing anything a week later.

That being said, I got a little nostalgic for the old days today while being naughty and looking at the Valentines Lularoe leggings… (I spend too much money on Lularoe…) All the pink and red and hearts… They reminded me of birthdays when I was a kid. My mum almost always made my birthdays Valentine themed. I almost always had a heart shaped cake. She kept the same card stock hearts for use many years in a row. I was around 12 the last time I had a themed party like that. Come to think of it, I don’t recall many full parties as a teenager – usually scaling back and doing just something special with a couple of close friends.

Sooo… Anyway, I was naughty and actually did order some fun Lularoe Valentine leggings (as I munched on Valentine caramel kisses as above LOL)… check them out!


These are so me… Reminds me of classic artistry – Art Nouveau reminiscent


Kiss my ass… Haha! Love that there are little Xs all over too ๐Ÿ˜‰

I tend to not go overboard with pinks and hearts and all of that sappy girly stuff – so hopefully I’ll find that I have a top or two to go with these …oooor… I’ll have to take another gander or two at Lularoe pages haha.

Okay, wait I lied… I do like hearts – when in the Scandinavian decor type style… which by the way, I went around looking for stuff to take pictures of and I realised I had much more than I realised – and I my full shipment isn’t even here yet… Wondering if I’ll have more soon… LOL:


Well this is actually a picture from Australia – those items aren’t here yet ๐Ÿ˜›

Ok Ok I know that last one is Pennsylvania Dutch – but still it works with the themes. Lol Oh and look! Totes having Heart shaped pancakes for Valentines… Oh, no… WAIT! My mum just sent me a Swedish waffle maker for my birthday and you know what?! Swedish waffles are shaped like little hearts!! ๐Ÿ˜€


Like so! (Image from

So anyway – this year Yay for Valentines season! Because HEARTS! and CHOCOLATE! aaand… it probably won’t go any further than this blog post for me in all honesty. But it’s been nice to distract myself with a more upbeat holiday within this relatively close time period… Ok ok I know many would disagree with me as far as Valentines vs St Patricks and what would be more upbeat… Lonely hearts vs drinking …though… hmmmm… Same difference? Haha.

But in my mind space where it comes to March 17th, pink and red and hearts and chocolate and waffles… Well, nicer thoughts for me anyway.

Now! Onto one other completely unrelated topic… I also realised how many winter hats I have – and again, not all of them have arrived yet! I’m still not sure beanies work for me… I really want to find a hat like my old one from when I was a teen… I loved how loose it was yet it still covered my ears as needed but still fell nicely – does that make sense?


So anyway, I realised this and then took a bunch of pictures for y’all’s benefits – and am much too lazy to make a different blog post about it! Haha…

Yes, yes I have a Dr Pepper shirt… I’m sure now Maja and Svea will laugh hysterically about that… But I would like to point out that Jason – YES! MY HUSBAND! – bought that for me for Christmas. He was amused with himself. (Those of you that have followed me for awhile will know that it is a reference to a taste from a blow job during a one night stand I had many, many years ago…)

Also I’d like to tell you guys I saw a teen boy at Walmart with one of these types of hats


except… EXCEPT… instead of a pompom on the top, it had a freakin’ MOHAWK. OMG I want it so bad and I had to control myself from running up and scaring the poor youth to ask him where he got it LMAO

Now, that is plenty for tonight… So. Next Time? SCARVES! (Haha well, MAYBE I’ll spare you my sizeable scarf collection… Maybe. ๐Ÿ˜› )

Ignoring the Negativity

Ignore the featured picture… Well, no… Don’t ignore it – but take note that it doesn’t really have much to do with this post. Except… It makes me happy. It is an Alphonse Mucha image and I don’t know if I’ve said it before, but Mucha is my favorite artist. (Shoot! I should have kept that as a fact to share next time I get one of those blog awards that demand to know stuff about me Haha.)

Anyway, I think I’m kind of down in the dumps again. Not really a depression… But perhaps an adjustment period I guess among other things.

One thing that I suddenly realised today was that I think the Winter season is affecting me negatively. On one hand it’s nice to have the snow again… Real snow that sticks around and reminds me of Sweden. People walking out on Lake Michigan reminds me of skating in Lidingรถ or skating and long distance skiing out at Borka with Svea.

You know what else is reminding me of Sweden? An early sunset. Not quite as early as in Scandinavia – but 4:30 PM is still much earlier than I’ve known for years.

I used to think that my excessive sleeping as a teenager was just that – being a teenager that required more sleep. The days were dark and cold, my room was in the basement and that blocked out all light regardless of the season or time of day. The perfect place to flop onto my bed and move nary a muscle for the next 12 hours.

Often it was as soon as I returned home from school; often I didn’t get up in time for my first class the next day.

I now see a similar pattern starting again. I go to bed close to my usual time at night, get up to get the kids ready for school and get them on the bus… and then flop right back into bed. I may stay awake for an hour or so answering messages or playing on my phone and then I fall back to sleep. Today I didn’t get back up until an hour or so before it was time to get the kids from the bus. The last few days I had at least a couple hours awake before hand…

Fuck. I have no motivation. I am just so tired all the time… always was, but its worse now. I feel like a teenager again. I mean… I wanted to be a youth again, but not like this! LOL

On top of the likely Seasonal Affective Disorder I’m dealing with (where is my Dad’s light therapy lamp when I need it?), there is the lack of mobility (no car yet, so I can’t go anywhere during the week when Hubby is working… hopefully that will be remedied this weekend), there is the lack of local friends yet and a lack of a way to really make any just yet…

I’m also becoming more disillusioned with Social Media, not really on the whole – but portions of my social media life have just become so negative lately. Ugh. When one is struggling to stay above board and not let the “sads” in one does not need to deal with negativity, self righteousness, or judgemental opinions – even when they are not aimed at oneself. The US Political climate aside (That is a whole ‘nother depressing note… it’s just getting worse and worse as inauguration day nears), there were too many people I’ve had to hide from my newsfeed or groups I’ve had to leave for my own sanity and to make my mental space a better one.

I just don’t understand why people, though they may not agree, can’t take a moment to consider the other side of things. Consider the people behind the opposing view – especially when that view is not outright racist or homophobic or just plain hateful in general. Respect is what we need to get our heads around. Respect that others have different world views, different points of view and may not realise how upsetting their thought process may be to you. Even so – explain your point of view, maybe they’ll get it – maybe they won’t – but half of the instances I see lately are someone hell bent on being the judge and jury and bringing someone else down a peg or more.

I pointed out the need for some understanding and giving someone a chance to have a right of reply today – and I was told that my response was like a Trump supporter’s (important to note that this conversation had nothing to do with politics.) Since when is trying to see both sides and give someone the benefit of the doubt, and talk to them directly about your concerns, before trying to destroy their career an act akin to a “Trump Supporter”???

Ugh. I noped out of there real quick over that, after giving them a piece of my mind. Fucking low blow and clearly displayed a level of intolerance too often shown these days. Don’t agree with me? “Trump supporter!” or “Libtard!” or whatever is the opposite on the political spectrum said in the most derogatory fashion they can muster.

I don’t need that shit. I’m dealing with enough of my own.

Honestly, I love facebook – it allows me to stay connected with my friends worldwide as well as my family that is scattered everywhere. It allows me to keep up with main events in people’s lives and them in mine. Those that aren’t on facebook I have a hard time remembering what they know or don’t know when I periodically email… I know a lot of people hate facebook… but for this purpose it works quite well. But now I need to scale back. I’m not going on a deleting of friends spree or anything like that, but people are steadily being hidden from my newsfeed as I deem fit and most groups are going to be left.

I’ve found much more positivity here on WordPress anyway… even when our topics are not all that pleasant, there is in my experience a much better camaraderie and support system – much better and understanding conversations. Thank you all for being so awesome ๐Ÿ˜‰

Anyway, to finish on a more happy note… Some more of my favorite Mucha images, enjoy:






You may notice the similarities to my header image – I modeled that sketch after this one while doing a Mucha study ๐Ÿ™‚