Adventures in Dating, anxiety, David, depression, memoir, memories, mother, relationships, Wyatt

Somatic Symptoms and Problematic Memories

I made a discovery while talking to my therapist yesterday. I suppose I just hadn't thought about it before as both topics are separate in my head for the most part. But yesterday, we as we were working on trauma response, as we transitioned from talking about specific memories of Wyatt to specific memories of… Continue reading Somatic Symptoms and Problematic Memories

depression, mother, Posts With Off Site Links, weight loss

You Got Any Grapes? Waddle Waddle

I've reached a new low... well, rather, high. My weight is at the highest it's ever been and it made itself all the more apparent as a problem while I was on vacation the past couple of weeks. Forget that it wasn't as easy to find souvenir T-shirts in my size... At least they still… Continue reading You Got Any Grapes? Waddle Waddle

anxiety, depression, Husband

Unpack All The Boxes

I am aware. I am aware of the fact that my actions and reactions in relationships can be categorized as bad, just as bad. Perhaps even worse. Considering I've had such actions used against me. Relationships that changed my entire view of how relationships work and how to, shall we say... survive them. Emotional manipulations,… Continue reading Unpack All The Boxes

David, depression, Husband, Medical, memoir, memories, Uncategorized

“It’s Been a Long Road” …or “Never Give Up on Your Dreams”

You guys. I did it. Not only did I pass my RN-NCLEX a couple weeks ago, but I have - as of today - officially become a Registered Nurse. I know I have written about how I wanted to be an RN for a long time on this blog before - years ago at this… Continue reading “It’s Been a Long Road” …or “Never Give Up on Your Dreams”

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Weird Couch Fever Dream

I slept like shit last night you guys, and let me tell you why. Well, first of all I'm sick - so that didn't help things, but... since I'm sick and feared being contagious to hubby, I slept on the couch. I had a new bottle of Paxil in the living room so I took… Continue reading Weird Couch Fever Dream

anxiety, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

Honestly, I don't know if I have anything interesting to spew at the moment. I just felt like getting back to the root of my blog/writing career for a minute - I felt like writing without a purpose to see what would emerge. I hope to clarify my inner self, to figure out why I… Continue reading Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

anxiety, David, depression, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

"But Emma," I hear you say. "You are officially a nurse now, you should know better than to fuck around with your meds." I sigh, because I know you're right. I suppose 'fuck around' is a bit strong of a description though. Fact is, my self care has been lacking lately and part of that… Continue reading Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized

Smoldering Bridge

Dane unfriended me on Facebook. I told you that. He inferred I was disposable and it seemed he'd rather keep David in the FB friendship circle. Ok, fine then. I accepted that, though it hurt initially. The thing is, even after pushing me away so hard; trying his damnedest to put distance between us and… Continue reading Smoldering Bridge

anxiety, David, depression, Medical, Uncategorized

The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

Sorry for the delay in updating, my psych appointment was postponed a few weeks. I had my follow up just yesterday afternoon. I discussed with my doctor the fact that I've seen the article about David... with his accolades saying he recently was promoted to Major, he's getting his Masters in a few months, and… Continue reading The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

anxiety, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

At What Level is it Normal?

I have a follow up with my psychiatrist in a few days. She wants to check on how my meds are doing now that I am entering the annual timeframe that the worst of my PTSD usually takes effect. So what am I going to tell her? I keep thinking about it... do I still… Continue reading At What Level is it Normal?

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Take your Xanax, mothers, Emma is fine

Oh gosh, you guys, I hadn't realized it had been quite so long since I have written on here... Apologies for any of you that may have worried about me or what have you. Well, let's be honest, I'm sure most didn't notice - I take random long breaks fairly regularly - but imma gonna… Continue reading Take your Xanax, mothers, Emma is fine

anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, relationships, support, Uncategorized

Being Disposable

I've discovered something definitive about my friendship with Dane this week. Well, ex-friendship at this point. I have become disposable to him. I'm not sure when exactly it happened, sometime over the last two years since I moved back to the USA. Up until that point... the last time I had talked to him while… Continue reading Being Disposable

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Heeeey… I’m Still Alive!

I've been so busy lately... I was hoping to write a proper blog post last weekend, while I was off of work - but I was away in Philadelphia for my sister's wedding, and my hopes for some downtime for writing did not come to fruition. I feel like I have so much to say,… Continue reading Heeeey… I’m Still Alive!

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD

Oh geez, you guys, I apologize. I still need to write up more posts about the trip to Sweden I had in July... I had so many things I wanted to document, but I just haven't had the time. Hopefully one day soon... But I've been dealing with nursing school the past three weeks, as… Continue reading Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD

anxiety, David, depression, Husband, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

I've been working on my Sweden Trip posts... But also I got my manuscript back from my editor on Thursday before working Friday through Sunday... so It'll be a little bit before I get those promised posts out. However, I have another long-awaited post to give you now... So... Enjoy 🙂 **************** Yesterday, I went… Continue reading Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

anxiety, depression, Medical, Uncategorized

Psych Appointment and Update

I finally had my psych appointment yesterday. I was so tense and nervous all day, even after the appointment was over. Tension headache plagued me all day, I felt winded, and my tummy was upset most of the afternoon as well - primarily just before and through the appointment itself. I had about an hour… Continue reading Psych Appointment and Update

anxiety, depression, Movies / TV / Netflix, Uncategorized

Kate and Anthony… And Chester and Robin and Amy … And…

I wasn't going to write a post about Kate Spade. I don't have any particular connection to her fashion - that's not to say that I didn't like a lot of what I've seen of hers - but I don't think I even own one of her items. I didn't want to dwell on negative… Continue reading Kate and Anthony… And Chester and Robin and Amy … And…

anxiety, depression, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

It’s Not Like The Random Bruise

You know that feeling... The one where your emotion - for lack of a better word - is stuck smack dab in the middle of your chest? It's unclear exactly what that emotion is; though it's persistent and hard not to notice. It's not like the random bruise or bleeding you find on yourself while… Continue reading It’s Not Like The Random Bruise

anxiety, depression, Husband, memories, mother, relationships, teenage years, Uncategorized

Passive Aggressive Shit

I feel like I've been somewhat emotionally fragile - or, perhaps, vulnerable is the correct word - as of late. In my post puzzling over my mental health I mentioned that my mom had said she found my medical records, including my diagnosis etc from when I was 15. (Please read the linked post to… Continue reading Passive Aggressive Shit

depression, memories, mother, Uncategorized

The Day I Realized My Feelings Meant Nothing

I was reading one of those listicles that tell short stories/anecdotes that are all related somehow by the topic. You know the ones I mean - to be honest I read way too many through my Facebook feed.  Mostly just similar stories compiled from Reddit. (Unfortunately I searched in Google and couldn't find the exact… Continue reading The Day I Realized My Feelings Meant Nothing