Rhyan’s Rainbow

One of my most amazing professors at Uni – Beth Beverly – had her middle child Rhyan born with a Congenital Heart Defect. Not only did Beth inspire me to continue to pursue the sciences (she was my Anatomy and Physiology 1, Anatomy and Physiology 2, and my Medical Microbiology Professor) she even gave me a 0.5 point extra credit when she found out that I got the job on the Pediatric Cardiology Ward! (Haha she is a notorious non-giver of extra credit 😛 ) At least she said she planned to – I don’t know if it actually made it on the books LOL.

I have a high respect for Dr Beverly – she is a Doctor that specializes in the heart, last I knew, and previously the kidneys if I recall correctly. She has a fascination with microbiology and one day hopes to have a “pet” nematode. Hahaha! I feel like the name she said she would use is “Herman” should she ever get one… LOL But I might be misremembering that fact.

Anyway, the reason for this post is as follows – Beth’s mother has written a book, and I will let Beth herself explain it to you:

“Until it was out on market and official, I haven’t said anything…Most of you know my mother, Betty Brantley, left her job when Rhyan was born to help us with all of her care. She dedicated countless hours to finding ways to help Rhyan learn. Knowing she would be delayed, our goal was to never treat her different. One thing they constantly did was to write stories in effort to help Rhyan’s short term memory loss which she suffers from. It’s a battle. About a year ago, Betty decided to try and get one of the stories published for other kids to enjoy. I’m so proud to say Rhyan’s Rainbow is published, and on the market to purchase via Amazon. Take a look, and please share to help get the word out. This is a long time in the making. Rhyan wouldn’t be where she is now without the day in and day out work. My heart is full.”

So please check it out. Buy it for the preschooler or unicorn fanatic in your life… 😉

Can be purchased through Amazon here.


In which our heroine pushes her new site again

Hey guys! Grace part 10 posted this AM over at my new fiction site raeavljus.wordpress.com …getting intense again and only two more parts until it’s wrapped up in a few days… please check it out and tell your friends! Oh, and follow… you know, whatevs… 😚

Grace part 6 is posted

Hello Lovelies. Just FYI Grace part 6  is posted at my new fiction site. I promise I won’t post about it here every time something is published over there… But… for now… Still wanna say: Please come check out my new fiction site – share, like, follow 🙂

Thanks Babes 🙂

New Fiction Site

Ok, so I started a fiction site with my real name – please check it out/share/follow etc 🙂 I’m still setting it up and I will be scheduling my current fiction to post over the next few days there to start populating the site.

Can someone please do me a favor and check to see how the gravatar shows up – I haven’t added the new site to it… not sure if it automatically shows up and still lists this site from there? (Edit: screw it, I changed my gravatar info just to be safe)

Anyway… Here is the first post, check it out!


A Pile Of Socks (Fiction)

I didn’t mean to hurt him I thought as I yanked some clothes out of the closet and started stuffing them into a duffel bag.

I held up a jacket and considered for a moment if it would take up too much room in my bag before tossing it into the ever increasing ‘leave behind’ pile.

He could do with it what he likes, I suppose… Give it to our daughter when she’s grown, give it to Goodwill… Burn it. He does like a roaring fire in the fireplace this time of year. See? Doing him a favour leaving some kindling behind.

I took a look around the room before plopping on the bed to rest for a moment. The argument and frenzy of tears and packing exhausted me. I mean… Fuck, man – that argument lasted five hours straight!

Fuck, I’m tired… and I’m a stupid whore of a fuck up. I should have known this relationship wouldn’t have lasted. I snorted audibly as I thought I’m surprised it lasted even this long.

I’m a fuck up. I know this. Perhaps it’s the detachment I feel when something goes even remotely awry in any of my intimate relationships. I’ve done it before. I detach, I turn into myself, and then after awhile I reach out to feel something again. Usually from someone or something else.

I’ve done it before. I’ve cheated. A brief moment of insanity; I tried to convince myself of this. Really, the insanity was from his side – he was the one who forgave me and took me back.

Truth is, I haven’t been happy for a long time. Truth is, this new man has not been brief. Truth is, last time I felt remorseful and drove myself to vomit over my own behaviour, but this time I’m not remorseful. Not entirely.

I’m an unfeeling bitch, to be sure, but there is a seed in me that wishes I hadn’t been so horrible as to have hurt him this way. The casualties I’m leaving behind – my daughter… and… Oh god, his mum is going to hate me.

Never mind, he’s going to hate me. Well, he already does I’m sure.

To be honest, I know it may not even be worth causing all this heartache. My new guy, well, who’s to say I won’t treat him the same way someday?

I’m still sitting on the bed, trying to be honest with myself as I sort through a pile of socks. If I listen to myself, if I’m honest with myself, I would know that I’m not cut out for long term relationships. I’m not cut out to be a wife or mother. I never really have been – and that is why I’m walking out that door.

My Thing

I’ve made it to the library. A gorgeous library with so many books… I almost forgot a library could hold so much; considering how small the Alice Springs library had been.

I don’t like posting too much in one day, so while I made it here this morning and am getting the writing done – this will have been scheduled for later in the day to space out my posts a bit. I don’t particularly like being someone that floods newsfeeds when I am sure you all have various others you want to keep up with.

But I digress.

I’m sitting in a comfy chair in the large foyer that houses a big stone fireplace and chimney – I am yearning to go look through the foreign language section. The sign of which beckons from behind me. I’ve sat with my back to it for this very reason; to lessen the temptation until after I’ve gotten some writing done.

Unfortunately, without a local license or, as yet, no mail sent to our house in my name – I cannot gain a card to this library regardless. No way to take any treasures home. I don’t suppose I’d mind just coming here on my own for hours at a time, but I don’t know how often that will be feasible.

Being here does, in fact, remind me of my academic days. Almost making me yearn to be back at university. One day I’ll get back. One day I’ll earn a higher degree or two.

Until that day, I will sit and I will write. As for the fiction I’d like to pursue, I do have one solitary idea. One of the besties told me a couple of weeks ago that I have a real way with words when it comes to describing sex.

She suggested I try my hand at an erotic novel. I think that is an interesting concept – me, writing erotica that is. I’m almost positive my husband would have a conniption fit. I’d likely have to conceal my identity even further if I do actually write something of that nature and try to release it to the world.

I’m not entirely confident in my ability to achieve real success with my writing anyway… So I figure it’s nothing if not at least worth a try. Right?

So I have a basic idea for the plot and an idea for the character perspectives. Ideally, I’d actually like to make this a collab effort – wish me luck that the other writer I’d like to work with is keen enough to venture on this project with me.

Until then, I’d like to write some more short stories. I fear that when I start, however; I will revert to old habits and themes. As you’ll notice if you’ve read any I’ve published here, it tends to be domestic violence oriented.

I don’t want to stick myself in a groove that I can’t get out of. That’s why I hadn’t written anymore just yet. But then I wonder if that is just supposed to be “My Thing,” you know?

What if I’m not supposed to pull myself that far out of my box? What if that is what my work should continue to center around and shed light on?

Emily (Fiction)

She shut the bathroom door, hesitated, and then locked the door. Turning around, she leaned back against the door and slid to the floor. She lowered her head and clasped her knees. She held her breath in an attempt to ward off tears. Tears flowed regardless and she focused more on not making noise as she cried.

She heard him lean on the other side of the door. She sucked in a breath while he stood there silently for a moment. Then she heard him sigh and say her name.

“Emily… I…”

He hesitated and paused again. She was taking the time to calm her breathing and wipe her tears before she would have to answer. She got up carefully, flushed the toilet, and turned on the faucet to make him believe she had actually come in to use the facilities. While she was at it, she used some of the cool water to wipe her face.

“Emily?” He asked through the door. “Can you hear me?”

She took a deep breath and said “Yeah, yeah… I hear you… just give me a sec.”

Emily plastered a smile on her face and looked in the mirror. Not perfect, but at least her eyes weren’t too red.

One last deep breath and she reached for the door. He was leaning against the door frame with a guilty look on his face and his arms crossed. He looked up, “Emily… I’m so sorry. I was… I was frustrated…”

“Levi,” she cut him off. “I don’t want to talk about it right now… It’s just… You need to know… I… I’m not on birth control…”

“What?! How can you not be on birth control?”

She was annoyed at his tone and had a hard time concealing her annoyance in her response. Crossing her arms, she said “Well, Levi, my husband had a vasectomy. I had no need for further birth control before.”

His muscles tensed at the mention of her husband.

“Regardless, I’m going to have to go to the doctor and get some plan B or… or something.”

He sighed, stood up straight and put his hands on his hips. She noted his muscles once more and then scolded herself in her head. She couldn’t believe that she ever found him attractive. She couldn’t believe that she was even friends with him. How did this even happen? He was her best friend…. Had been for years. She still cared about him, but now… She was having such mixed feelings and she suddenly felt the tears well up, but she pushed them back down.

“Ok, I’ll get dressed and I’ll take you down to the urgent care.” He didn’t wait for a response before turning back down the hall towards his bedroom.

“You don’t have to do that… I can take myself.”

Waving her off he responded “Yes… I do.”

She hesitated, knowing she’d need to get the rest of her clothes as well, but didn’t want to follow him to the bedroom. She decided to actually use the bathroom this time, giving her a moment for him to finish and head down the stairs.

In the car they sat in silence. She tried not to look at him; keeping her gaze out the window. He cleared his throat and she glanced towards him. He looked tense still. Jaw clenching and intensely gazing at the road ahead of them.

Just as she turned her face back towards her window, he spoke.

“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?”

“Of course not, Levi.”

“Seriously?” He glanced at her briefly, trying to read her face in a split second before focusing back on the road.

“What the hell do you think? How can I tell anyone? Why would I? Why do you think I want the plan B?!” Her voice became more hysterical as the questions increased. “I want the plan B so that my husband doesn’t find out! Getting fucking pregnant when he’s had a vasectomy is a pretty big goddamn clue!”

Levi attempted to reach out a rub her on the shoulder as Emily turned her face away again, but she shrugged him away and the rode the last few minutes in silence again.

As they arrived at the urgent care center, Emily approached the receptionist and tried to mention quietly why she was there. “I need to get Plan B please…” Just as the words came out of her mouth, Levi approached and stood so close to her she could feel his shoulder against the back of hers. She stiffened and the receptionist squinted as she glanced back and forth between them.

Emily pasted on a smile. The receptionist asked her to fill out a form and take a seat.

While they waited, Emily tried to concentrate on a Seventeen magazine that was about six years old. She supposed that didn’t say much about the practice’s medical abilities, so she decided not to judge. Levi was sitting closer to her than she would like, so she crossed her legs and leaned away from him. He tried to hold her hand, but she slipped her hand out from under his to turn a page and didn’t lower her hand again.

She looked up and noticed the receptionist looking over at the curiously before turning back suddenly to face her computer screen.

“Emily Larsson!”

She looked up again as the nurse called her name from the door. She gestured at the nurse to wait as she gathered her purse and put the magazine down. She got up and Levi got up as well – following her closely to the door. The nurse let her pass and then stopped Levi in his tracks.

“Oh, it’s uh, Ok,” Emily said “…He’s with me.”

“Sorry, Hun, it’s policy.” The nurse stated.

Relieved, but trying not to show it, she decided not to argue with the nurse. Rather she attempted an assuring facial expression towards Levi.

Once they reached the treatment room, the nurse shut the door and glanced at her chart. “You’re looking to get some emergency contraceptive?” She looked up and noted Emily’s nod. “Is there anything else? Do you need to be tested for an STI?”

Emily looked startled, “Um… Uh… I don’t think so?”

“If you didn’t use any protection, you may want to do that,” the nurse stated. “First we’ll start with some basic history and get your vitals… When was your last period?”

“Oh, umm… a couple weeks ago… I think.”

“Last Pap Smear?”

“Ummm… I don’t remember? Four or Five years ago?”

The nurse looked up in her with surprise, “Are you prepared to have one today, that’s something you really should get done as soon as possible.”

Emily closed her legs and clenched her hands on her lap.

“Oh, uh… I dunno…” Emily felt like the nurse was judging her silently and wasn’t sure she could come up with a good enough excuse, she tuned out slightly as the nurse started to urge her to go ahead and get one done.

“Ok, ok… fine. Just make it quick.”

The nurse looked satisfied and finished up her questions and got Emily’s vitals, before leaving a gown and sheet for her to change.

The nurse stepped out and shut the door.

Emily slowly stripped off her pants and looked down at her legs. There were bruises in the shape of Levi’s fingers on her inner thighs.

“Fuck….” She whispered.

She made a fist and hit the examination table; letting a tear fall. “Fuck. How am I going to explain this?!”

Emily made the quick decision to put her clothes back on. She just came for Plan B. She’ll just have to tell them she didn’t have time right now after all.