Tee hee heeeeeee

My husband came down to the living room where I was sitting, watching TV, to inform me he had a new story for my blog. I had free reign over the words that followed  to share with the masses.

He had just been taking a bath, trying to warm up after a long day out in the cold, rainy, outdoors. He thought about how I commented the other day that his sandy colored hair was soft. As such, he decided he’d try putting conditioner in it just to see if it would become even softer/silkier. It’s not something he usually does.

He picked up my new conditioner that is from Revlon’s new ColorSilk color protect line – for Black.

It was a blue color, which didn’t concern him as he used to use Selsun Blue… So it didn’t seem odd to him. The bottle said to leave it in for five minutes, so he ran it thoroughly through his very red beard and his sandy blond hair.

After a few minutes he noticed a black streak running down his face. He looked down at his beard and his beard was black!

He said he nearly shit himself as he quickly started rinsing it all out… scrubbing as he did so.  It didn’t come out immediately, so he scrubbed his head and face for 10 minutes and still his hair was darker than it should be. He got the majority of his true color back…. but his beard is still a darker red and his hair is still tinted a blue-black:

IMG_4528

AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA…. I giggled to the point of tears again. He was telling me how silly I was the other day about how I still laugh to tears over scaring him over a year ago… I told him this may just make the laugh-to-tears-even-after-years list too… Hahaha!

He said the thing was that he checked the bottle and no where does it say it will color hair… Yet, the shampoo states clearly that it does not color hair… the conditioner did not say either way. So, I guess the moral of the story is… Don’t use the Revlon ColorSilk Color Protect hair shampoos/conditioners unless you actually have dyed your hair that color (or you want to enhance your natural color that matches the version you’ve bought.)

Also…. Bahahahahaaaaaa!

*PS I love him even though he has noted I tend to laugh only at his pain…. …. …

Birthday Twin, part 2

At the request of Colin and Klutzy, I have returned with the follow up story from yesterday’s post now that Jason (the Hubs) has agreed that there should be no issue sharing it since I hid identities.

So. You ready? 😉

While we had been living in New Orleans, at a certain point Jason and his coworkers all had to go live in Mississippi for 6 months (until the company then decided to move their project there indefinitely.) This was 12 years ago now.

During this time period of temporary assignment, I would stay in NOLA over the week for work and then travel to Mississippi (about an hour and a half to two hour drive) to spend the weekend with the hubs.

This time period is when the story of the heinous birthday twin woman took place.

Apparently, as Jason tells it, he had the sense that their marriage was not going well (even before the temporary move) because she treated her husband “much the same” as she had treated me. I take this to mean that she was likely a narcissist as well as a hoarder and whatever other negative personality traits she had. I can’t comment on if there were any reasons on his end that it may not have been going well – but he seemed to be a dejected, beat down sort of man when he was around her.

Jason said that while they rarely hung out while in Mississippi, he did understand that this guy dreaded the weekends in which he would return to NOLA to spend at home. It became a thing he only did because of the need to see his children; his wife being an unfortunate side effect.

At some point, the guy gave up and though he was supposed to go home one Friday evening, he did not show up at his house in NOLA. So on the Saturday evening, she drove her kids to Mississippi to confront him at his apartment… But he wasn’t there. I don’t know what she did in between… Where she stayed, but supposedly she (and the children) waited for him and by Monday morning he still hadn’t come back to his apartment.

Now, I know my first thought would have been “OMG Something must have happened to my husband!” Right? Who wouldn’t think that? Okay, possibly you think along the lines of cheating at some point… But after him not being at his apartment where you would otherwise expect him to show up when he wouldn’t expect you there… then… accident on the way to New Orleans? Should you call hospitals? MIA for three days!

Well, Monday morning Jason went out to his truck to leave for work. By the way – he usually started work between 6 and 6:30 AM… so it was very early. There was a car parked perpendicular to the back of his truck. He assumed it was someone parking briefly, because who in their right mind would park like that for more than a few minutes?

Well, he waited and waited, yet the car did not move. So he got out to ask the person in the car to get out of his way so he could get to work. This is when he recognised it was her and her two kids.

She hopped out of the car and got in his face screaming about her husband not being there and that he must be cheating on her. She made accusatory gestures such as poking him in the chest and accusations to the effect of Jason letting him step out on her or something.

He remained calm and told her that he was her husband’s supervisor, not his keeper. He told her to calm down and he had no idea where he had gone.

He got back in his truck and she got back in her car before starting to move forward. So Jason started to back out and she threw her car into reverse and stopped him again. Jason waited for about ten minutes, in the meantime he tried calling the guy to come take care of this shit so he could get to work – yet the guy did not answer.

Finally Jason got back out of his truck again and the woman flew into further rage, accusing Jason of calling to warn her husband she was there.

All the while, of course, her children were sobbing in the back seat.

Again, he remained calm and told her that no – he hadn’t answered, but he had called to have him come take care of his woman. He then told her if she did not leave immediately he would be next calling the police.

She then left, finally, all while pointing at him with a grimace on her face.

Once he got to work, he called the husband into his office and locked the door. he told him in no uncertain terms that it was against company policy to get involved in employee’s personal business, but it was his wife that had made it Jason’s business. He then said the guy could take the afternoon off to handle the situation – because if she brought it to the company again by involving him or anyone else in their marriage then it would negatively effect the guy’s career. (i.e security issues would affect his ability to be employed by the company.)

Jason said that was the last he spoke of it, until he told me the story a couple evenings ago. He was aware; however, that that afternoon they officially became separated and the guy started dating some police woman in that town for about three months… At some point he and the wife started marriage counseling and gave it another go around that three month mark.

After that, the few times Jason saw that woman, she shuffled her feet and refused to acknowledge or look at Jason. He wasn’t sure if she hated him or was just embarrassed by her previous behaviour.

Honey, you best have been embarrassed….

 

 

Birthday Twin, my ass

Hubs told me a story last night about a woman that I met when I lived in New Orleans – a truely heinous woman in my opinion; who happened to share my birth date.

The story he told me only served to solidify her as a bitch in my mind – it was a story that he had thought he mentioned to me at the time… But I know I would have remembered it if he had because it would have attached to the other few memories I had of her.

So I decided to tell you about her today. I suppose it makes me bitchy to do so so many years after the fact… but… Oh well.

My husband became friends with her husband so he arranged that we would all go out to dinner so I could meet the wife and possibly become couple-friends.

We went to a seafood place and it was a nice enough. That’s where we found that we had the same birthday. We chatted a little bit and I suggested we should hang out sometime. She seemed noncommittal, but agreeable. So for the next several weeks I told my husband to pass my cell phone number along to his friend to have him give it to her to give me a call whenever she was free. I bugged him a few times to remind the friend in case he had forgotten to pass it along when he got home. She never called so I changed tack and asked him to get her number for me.

I was actually trying… yet for some reason she wasn’t interested, so her husband didn’t give the phone number to mine. Ok then. That’s fine. I just wasted efforts for nothing – when all she had to do was say she didn’t care to be friends in the first place. I otherwise did not get overly bothered by it as we hadn’t actually started being friends yet.

Awhile later we moved into a new house, so hub’s friend came to help him move furniture into the house. He invited the wife and two kids over as well with the intention of grilling out for dinner and swimming in the pool. It was intended to be a nice occasion. What happened was: I said hello to her in which she only barely acknowledged. She then proceeded to allow her kids run wild through the house and harass my three small dogs. As soon as the moving was done (which of course she had nothing to do with), she insisted on going home because supposedly it was too close to the kid’s bedtime.

A few days later, husband came to ask me why I supposedly ignored her that day. He of course was not aware of what was actually happening since he was preoccupied with his task… But she had complained to her husband who passed it on to Hubs. What he was told that I was supposedly rude in the first encounter so she came over this time to “test” me and “give me a second chance” and that I had failed.

Wait.

What?

I flew of the handle and yelled about this heifer that DARED come into MY house to “TEST” me?! Not only that, but her version of a test was to allow her hellion children torture my dogs while she stood back with a sour look on her face… What in hell was she thinking?

ESPECIALLY when I was in fact the only one who reached out and put forth any effort at all in being friendly with her. UGH!

Hubs reminded me last night about how he walked into their house and it was like a hoarder’s house – due to her issues, not her husband’s. I remember him mentioning it, saying he refused to ever live like that… So I best not become a hoarder lol.

Now that’s I’ve let all that out, I’m not sure if I should be so bitchy as to now tell you about the story the hubs told me yesterday…. Though it did give me a sense of schadenfraude…. a gleeful, so gleeful, amusement at her misery and bad behavior…

It’s people like that that makes me not believe in astrological signs…. Birthday twin, my ass.

En Svensk Tiger

Today I made a trip back to Main Street  – because it was TATTOO DAY! Woo! I finally got the tattoo I have been planning for several months and had booked the appointment as of two months ago.

Big couple of days I guess, because I also bit the bullet and dyed all of my hair black last night! Eek! Luckily, it turned out well and hubs likes it… sooo… Phew! It was something I’ve wanted to try for quite awhile, but wasn’t sure I could pull it off.

IMG_4341[1]

Anyway, so that happened and then I went to get my long awaited ink at Main Street Electric Tattoo co…

 

My appointment was for 12:30, but the actual inking didn’t start until about 1 since of course my artist, Ryan #2 (Ryan McClelland), had to have me approve the design and print it and stencil it etc etc

The process then took until about 3:30 with a short break about an hour in. Hubs stopped in after work to give me some moral support… because… owwiiiieeeeee. No, I didn’t cry, lol… But I did have to “Viking up.” (Klutzy told me to “Cowgirl up” when I mentioned it was ow… and given the material/person in question, obviously it had to be adjusted.)

At times it was really intense, but the majority of the time it was manageable…. so that was good. Phew… While I have discussed further (complimentary) tattoos with both Svea and hubs, I have no intention of getting any other tattoos nearly this big again.

Now for the main event – I know y’all want to see the inking itself and the final result, so here we go!

and after all of that… the final, awesome result was this:

IMG_4358[1]

Don’t you just love it?? 😀

Check out their other social media sites – Main Street’s Instagram, Ryan #2’s Instagram (artist from today) , Ryan #1’s Instagram (artist who did my wrist), and their FB Page

Reblogging Rae: I’m a Mean Wife

Post #3 in my flashback/recycling series – this one was also made private awhile back and was a continuation of the first post I posted in this series (An Evil Woman.) Originally posted in December 2015.

A few months ago I was laying in bed reading or writing or some such literary activity when my husband came to the doorway to talk about something. I can’t remember what the conversation started about, but at some point he said something about a message stream he had apparently read of mine a while prior. He said basically that he was intrigued by the open sex talk it contained as I was talking to one or both of my BFFs (Svea/Maja).

I’ve mentioned before, I believe, that I’ve never been very open about my thoughts with my husband – especially before this past year – let alone about sex stuff.

He said he was intrigued and then said he stopped reading when I mentioned an ex. He said “If you ever want me to not read something just write about another guy’s ‘package,’ and I’ll be done. I just don’t want to know.”

I was confused and said I didn’t even know what conversation he was referring too. “Must have been awhile ago… Who was I even talking about?”

“I dunno. I didn’t tell you I read it at the time… it was about some guy that was Norwegian or something…”

“Oh, that would be Danish. That guy was HUGE.” I exclaimed – gesturing with my hands to drive home the point.

My husband stopped mid-sentence. Shut his mouth and just looked at me for a second. Then he said “I’m out,” turned on his heel and walked out.

I was cackling with laughter – I couldn’t help it – but I called out after him: “Hey! Where’re you going?! …I just said it was big – not that I liked it!”

I laughed some more, his reaction had just amused me so much. He didn’t respond initially so I went back to my task, giggling under my breath periodically.

About ten minutes later my husband walked back into the room silently, threw a king size candy bar into my lap and walked back out again.

Confused I called out “What’s this for? I told you I didn’t want candy – I’m on a diet!”

He came back in to respond “I just thought you’d like it because it’s so big.”

Then he walked out again.

I snorted back laughter and yelled out again “I never said I LIKED IT!”

****

He continued to periodically make references to me liking something because of it being ‘so big’ for several weeks after that. I suppose he can be pretty funny himself sometimes… but, hey, I’m the one that is freaking hilarious! 😛

IMG_3607[1]

Reblogging Rae: An Evil Woman

Post number one for my recycling of old posts series, this one is originally from December 2015- this one was actually made private awhile back when my husband expressed displeasure at being talked about on my blog. He has now; however, eased on that front. So here you go: re-sharing an incident that I still find to be freaking hilarious and epic. Enjoy 🙂

 

I FINALLY, after over 12 years of marriage, I FINALLY actually legitimately scared my husband… and it was so worth the wait!

So there I was, waiting on my husband to be ready to go somewhere; he was taking awhile in the shower so I went to the bathroom, opened the door and asked “How long are you going to be?”

He didn’t hear me.

Oh, what an opportunity.

I walked up to the shower where I saw his eyes were closed as he was rinsing his beard…

He he he, I thought to myself.

I pressed my face up against the glass door, making sure my nose was pressed upward for a more amusing effect and proceeded to wait.

It couldn’t have been more perfect how he bent his head, turned, and opened his eyes right in front of my face.

He screamed and reflexively punched the glass.

All my mom and step-dad heard was a yell and me coming down the hall crying and having difficulty breathing. My mom was like “Oh my God, Rachel’s been hurt!” and jumped up…

No, I was just laughing that hard it took me a good 10 minutes to express what had happened.

I literally laughed for 45 minutes straight – tears streaming down my face… In fact, I am still laughing and crying as I write this two days later…

When my husband came out of the bathroom he called me an “evil woman” and said I had never scared him like that in the whole time we’ve been together… He also stated that I looked like a “window licking mouth breather.”

My God, it was excellent… I am freaking hilarious… you’ll just have to trust me on that.

I will be laughing about that for years to come.

IMG_3597[1]

My complex about the man…

I have been largely absent the last few days here on WordPress… not even my usual stalking of the reader pane that occurs most every day… one or two posts read only and certainly no writing to be had.

I’ve wanted to desperately, but at the same time did not have the mental capacity nor the motivation to do so when I’d sit in front of my laptop.

I’m not going into details, but this weekend my husband and I seemed to be at a crossroads – we’ll just say he is now fully aware of all of my damage, I think, and I feel like he is well with in his right to ask for a divorce… but we’ve worked through a lot these past three days and at this juncture intends to stay with me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: thank god he loves me…

But I didn’t come here to explain all of that… I came to tell you all something I just found out at quarter past two AM last night…

Jason told me for the first time that the night David threatened me, what was said on David’s side of the conversation with him. 

Apparently David’s response to Jason telling him to stay TF away from me was to threaten to come to our house. Then when Jason asked what Army unit he was with (information he already knew) that David responded with the police code for homicide: 1-8-7.

There is in fact the 187th in that area, but Jason said it was clear the way he responded that David was in fact threatening to kill me (or us.) 

He said he had prepared himself in the event that David might show up and promised me that David would have never made it past the driveway… but still. 

But now that I’ve fed my complex about the man… 

I went on to explain to Jason why I got so much into the Martial sports and why I also pushed back when he was thinking about a job in Alaska many years ago, I explained about my dreams and my St Patrick’s based depression cycle – it’s my fear of David. It’s always been my fear of David… and while I have in more recent times convinced myself that perhaps there had been nothing to really fear and it was silly of me to hold onto all of that… Now I feel my fears have been legitimised. So that’s something I guess….