memoir, memories, teenage years, Uncategorized

To Save My Own Hide

"Okay, Mum, you can go now," I said flinging my hand out in the direction of my bedroom door. "I will," she said. "After I use the bathroom." She headed towards the bathroom situated in the far corner of my room. Shit. Federica and I had been tossing our cigarette butts in the toilet and… Continue reading To Save My Own Hide

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anxiety, Medical, memories, Uncategorized

Suddenly, My Vision Was Gone

There I was, lying back in the dentist's chair with a nasal mask resting on my face. My limbs were tingling and I was slowly getting sleepy. I thought to myself 'I don't think nitrous oxide is supposed to knock me out... is it?' I had never had it before, in all honesty. I didn't… Continue reading Suddenly, My Vision Was Gone

memories, teenage years, Uncategorized, weight loss

When I thought I was fat

About two years ago, I wrote a guest post for a blog which at the time was called "When I thought I was fat," that bloggess has since changed the name of her site "When I thought I was nothing." I was reminded of the post after a conversation I had with my sister the… Continue reading When I thought I was fat

memories, relationship, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

When I say “they,” I also mean me.

I've had a thought recently. I supposed the thought has crossed my mind in some form or another a few times before... But, sometimes I feel so stereotypical. Before I admitted even to myself I've been a victim (though I hate that word) of abuse, I used terminology to describe myself or my situation/past in stereotypical… Continue reading When I say “they,” I also mean me.

Adventures in Dating, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

OMG, Neil, How Could You Do Such A Thing?

It's been awhile since I've written about anything related to relationships and/or the memories thereof. So, I thought perhaps I'd bring up that topic again. I had a few ideas over the weekend, of particular memories to tell you all... but, alas, I was negligent in writing them down and I have since forgotten. Geez,… Continue reading OMG, Neil, How Could You Do Such A Thing?

anxiety, depression, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

It’s Not Like The Random Bruise

You know that feeling... The one where your emotion - for lack of a better word - is stuck smack dab in the middle of your chest? It's unclear exactly what that emotion is; though it's persistent and hard not to notice. It's not like the random bruise or bleeding you find on yourself while… Continue reading It’s Not Like The Random Bruise

anxiety, depression, Husband, memories, mother, relationships, teenage years, Uncategorized

Passive Aggressive Shit

I feel like I've been somewhat emotionally fragile - or, perhaps, vulnerable is the correct word - as of late. In my post puzzling over my mental health I mentioned that my mom had said she found my medical records, including my diagnosis etc from when I was 15. (Please read the linked post to… Continue reading Passive Aggressive Shit

depression, memories, mother, Uncategorized

The Day I Realized My Feelings Meant Nothing

I was reading one of those listicles that tell short stories/anecdotes that are all related somehow by the topic. You know the ones I mean - to be honest I read way too many through my Facebook feed.  Mostly just similar stories compiled from Reddit. (Unfortunately I searched in Google and couldn't find the exact… Continue reading The Day I Realized My Feelings Meant Nothing

anxiety, depression, Medical, memories, Uncategorized

The Puzzle That is My Mental Health

I'm feeling a little bummed. A little unmotivated... It might be partially because my period is supposed to start tomorrow. It may be my kids being sick the past couple of days... or the random interactions or annoyances of the past few weeks that build up and push down on my mood. I dunno.... Or… Continue reading The Puzzle That is My Mental Health

books, memoir, memories, Uncategorized

I Will Not Live In Vain

Ah, here we go again. I've put this aside for too long as I've worked on other projects, but I think I am now ready to pick up my original book ("I Will Not Live in Vain") and finish the 2nd edition that I started working on well over a year ago... Two years ago?… Continue reading I Will Not Live In Vain

Excerise, Husband, kids, memories, Uncategorized

Orange Eating Paraphernalia

Eight Years ago or so I was a skinny minnie. Hell, you've seen my teenager pics... I was so much closer to my teen weight right after having my daughter. I was a size 14 immediately after having pushed her out whereas I had been a size 16-18 at the time of her conception. Teenage… Continue reading Orange Eating Paraphernalia

memories, support, Uncategorized

A Feminist When it Suited Her

I came across this image while scrolling on facebook, this international women's day, attached to a Swedish news article (aftonbladet.com - Vilhelm Stokstad) and at first I thought OMG I want that necklace. Because, hey, I'm a sucker for pretty, classic silver necklaces. But then I had a memory. A memory of obtaining a pin… Continue reading A Feminist When it Suited Her

Best Friends, Husband, Maja, memories, svea, travel, Uncategorized

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I stated at one point, in a very privileged manner, on my 'About Emma' page that "My blog contains some entries that have to do with my travels – but not much. This is not a travel blog. It’s probably because I have had my own fair share of travel, and though there are still… Continue reading Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

David, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Not When He’s Smiling

"He doesn't look abusive," she said when I showed her a picture of my ex. "No, I suppose he doesn't," I responded. Thinking to myself at least not when he's smiling... if he was screaming in her face, she wouldn't think that. It was always fun with him around, until it wasn't. He was always… Continue reading Not When He’s Smiling

Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

A Twinge of Betrayal

Had a revelation today. A potentially awful revelation. Dane and David are back in contact, via Facebook, if nothing else. I don't know how long they've been in touch. As far as I can tell it'll have been less than a few months since they reconnected on FB... but I don't really know. I sent… Continue reading A Twinge of Betrayal

David, depression, memories, Movies / TV / Netflix, relationships, Timmy, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Glad You Didn’t Die, I Guess

**Fair warning, it's a swearing kinda day** 51 weeks ago, exactly, I wrote about Valentines Day Vs St Patrick's day as a half assed effort to refocus myself from the Lenten/St Patrick's season that I usually become depressed in. This year, however, Valentines day legit starts the actual season of Lent. Ash Wednesday and St… Continue reading Glad You Didn’t Die, I Guess

David, Excerise, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

Far Away From My Corporeal Body

I had another dream about David on Christmas Eve. Unexpected, it's been several months if not longer since I've had one of those. I'm not sure if something actually triggered it, or if it was just my brain saying "hey,  guess what we haven't dreamt about in awhile?" Whenever I have these dreams, they always… Continue reading Far Away From My Corporeal Body

Best Friends, books, Fiction, memoir, memories, Movies / TV / Netflix, nostalgia, Posts With Off Site Links, svea, teenage years, Uncategorized, youth

Merry Christmas Karl-Bertil

Ever wonder about who or what may have influenced your point of view/ideologies without you realizing it? Ever come across a piece of music or a video clip as an adult that you used to listen to/watch as a child - the themes likely going over your head at the time, but now, as an… Continue reading Merry Christmas Karl-Bertil

Best Friends, Dane, David, Husband, memories, relationships, Uncategorized

The Story of: A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying ClusterF**K

I summarized my dealings with David in one main sentence "A Full force whirlwind of terrifying clusterfuck," in my last post. Though I've written parts of the story here and there on the blog and my older readers pretty much know the details, I figured I would rehash the story a little in these last… Continue reading The Story of: A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying ClusterF**K

David, depression, memoir, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying Clusterf**k

Is there anything new to say? No, I don't really think so. The stories are all in the past; they aren't currently happening. No fresh material to be had. I can't say I'm sorry about that. There's a sense of relief, actually, when I think about that. Though it's all in the past, it is… Continue reading A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying Clusterf**k