I made a discovery while talking to my therapist yesterday. I suppose I just hadn't thought about it before as both topics are separate in my head for the most part. But yesterday, we as we were working on trauma response, as we transitioned from talking about specific memories of Wyatt to specific memories of… Continue reading Somatic Symptoms and Problematic Memories
Write it down, I'm told. Anything you can remember, just write it down. The thing is you want me to remember, to recall events, to be able to tell you about them - but you fail to understand that these particulars, the particulars I am ashamed of, were not that important to me. Not in… Continue reading I Was A Slut For Sleeping With Him
A few days ago I was listening to a podcast, as I am wont to do almost any moment during my free time these days, and the guest struck a particular cord with me this time. She was a 90s girl at heart, she told Dax Shepard on his podcast "Armchair Expert" (August 12, 2019… Continue reading 90s Girl at Heart
It came back to me today, a memory I'd like to say was vague - as I hadn't thought about it for a very long time. But it's not, not vague at all. I've been having these snippets pop up in my mind here and there, seemingly randomly over the past few weeks. I'm not… Continue reading Freaking Frigid – A Memory
Honestly, I don't know if I have anything interesting to spew at the moment. I just felt like getting back to the root of my blog/writing career for a minute - I felt like writing without a purpose to see what would emerge. I hope to clarify my inner self, to figure out why I… Continue reading Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams
Stranger Things Spoilers Below. Proceed with caution 😉 I finally finished Stranger Things season 3 last night and it was so depressing. I'm not talking about Hopper's possible death - because the way it was handled I am relatively certain he will suddenly show back up and have a wild story as to how he… Continue reading In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety
"But Emma," I hear you say. "You are officially a nurse now, you should know better than to fuck around with your meds." I sigh, because I know you're right. I suppose 'fuck around' is a bit strong of a description though. Fact is, my self care has been lacking lately and part of that… Continue reading Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition
I have a follow up with my psychiatrist in a few days. She wants to check on how my meds are doing now that I am entering the annual timeframe that the worst of my PTSD usually takes effect. So what am I going to tell her? I keep thinking about it... do I still… Continue reading At What Level is it Normal?
I've had a thought recently. I supposed the thought has crossed my mind in some form or another a few times before... But, sometimes I feel so stereotypical. Before I admitted even to myself I've been a victim (though I hate that word) of abuse, I used terminology to describe myself or my situation/past in stereotypical… Continue reading When I say “they,” I also mean me.
I've been working on my Sweden Trip posts... But also I got my manuscript back from my editor on Thursday before working Friday through Sunday... so It'll be a little bit before I get those promised posts out. However, I have another long-awaited post to give you now... So... Enjoy 🙂 **************** Yesterday, I went… Continue reading Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update
You know that feeling... The one where your emotion - for lack of a better word - is stuck smack dab in the middle of your chest? It's unclear exactly what that emotion is; though it's persistent and hard not to notice. It's not like the random bruise or bleeding you find on yourself while… Continue reading It’s Not Like The Random Bruise
It hit me dead on; a slap in the face and a punch in the gut simultaneously. I saw a picture of Wyatt and it initiated a wave of nausea that washed over me, no, rather it billowed like a storm surge. I can't explain why I felt the way I did. It doesn't always… Continue reading It Billowed Like a Storm Surge
"He doesn't look abusive," she said when I showed her a picture of my ex. "No, I suppose he doesn't," I responded. Thinking to myself at least not when he's smiling... if he was screaming in her face, she wouldn't think that. It was always fun with him around, until it wasn't. He was always… Continue reading Not When He’s Smiling
Get ready for a ramble fest y'all. Last night hubs said something that made me think... I have been blaming Wyatt for instilling a lot of negative relationship behaviours in me... and to an extent I think that's still true, but perhaps I've been bred to be ... How did he put it? ... I… Continue reading My Idiosyncrasies
**Fair warning, it's a swearing kinda day** 51 weeks ago, exactly, I wrote about Valentines Day Vs St Patrick's day as a half assed effort to refocus myself from the Lenten/St Patrick's season that I usually become depressed in. This year, however, Valentines day legit starts the actual season of Lent. Ash Wednesday and St… Continue reading Glad You Didn’t Die, I Guess
A friend of mine gave me a jar of Russian Tea mix along with a jar of hot cocoa and a bag of homemade marshmallows for Christmas. I made myself a cup of the Russian Tea today and it occurred to me that the last time I had any was when I was 16 or… Continue reading Russian Tea
What makes him love me? What made the others not really care about me? Sometimes I think I'm pretty good at reading people, situations, and relationships... When I pay attention that is. At least I used to think that. Over the past year or so, maybe it's been brewing longer... I've realized I often don't… Continue reading Maybe There’s Hope for Me Yet
Is there anything new to say? No, I don't really think so. The stories are all in the past; they aren't currently happening. No fresh material to be had. I can't say I'm sorry about that. There's a sense of relief, actually, when I think about that. Though it's all in the past, it is… Continue reading A Full Force Whirlwind of Terrifying Clusterf**k
I've said it many times before. Share your stories, make others aware of the prevalence of the many liberties taken with women without their consent. The first step in changing the rape culture in our society. Now there is a social media trend asking women (and even men!) to make their statuses say "Me Too"… Continue reading Hashtag MeToo
I've been sitting here for an hour, one sentence written - since deleted. I've had this vague sense of what I would write about, but it's hard to express the swirling thoughts about it in my head. I've had the passing thought about the topic for a few days, and then today I stumbled upon… Continue reading God, just move on already, Emma!