Birthday Twin, part 2

At the request of Colin and Klutzy, I have returned with the follow up story from yesterday’s post now that Jason (the Hubs) has agreed that there should be no issue sharing it since I hid identities.

So. You ready? 😉

While we had been living in New Orleans, at a certain point Jason and his coworkers all had to go live in Mississippi for 6 months (until the company then decided to move their project there indefinitely.) This was 12 years ago now.

During this time period of temporary assignment, I would stay in NOLA over the week for work and then travel to Mississippi (about an hour and a half to two hour drive) to spend the weekend with the hubs.

This time period is when the story of the heinous birthday twin woman took place.

Apparently, as Jason tells it, he had the sense that their marriage was not going well (even before the temporary move) because she treated her husband “much the same” as she had treated me. I take this to mean that she was likely a narcissist as well as a hoarder and whatever other negative personality traits she had. I can’t comment on if there were any reasons on his end that it may not have been going well – but he seemed to be a dejected, beat down sort of man when he was around her.

Jason said that while they rarely hung out while in Mississippi, he did understand that this guy dreaded the weekends in which he would return to NOLA to spend at home. It became a thing he only did because of the need to see his children; his wife being an unfortunate side effect.

At some point, the guy gave up and though he was supposed to go home one Friday evening, he did not show up at his house in NOLA. So on the Saturday evening, she drove her kids to Mississippi to confront him at his apartment… But he wasn’t there. I don’t know what she did in between… Where she stayed, but supposedly she (and the children) waited for him and by Monday morning he still hadn’t come back to his apartment.

Now, I know my first thought would have been “OMG Something must have happened to my husband!” Right? Who wouldn’t think that? Okay, possibly you think along the lines of cheating at some point… But after him not being at his apartment where you would otherwise expect him to show up when he wouldn’t expect you there… then… accident on the way to New Orleans? Should you call hospitals? MIA for three days!

Well, Monday morning Jason went out to his truck to leave for work. By the way – he usually started work between 6 and 6:30 AM… so it was very early. There was a car parked perpendicular to the back of his truck. He assumed it was someone parking briefly, because who in their right mind would park like that for more than a few minutes?

Well, he waited and waited, yet the car did not move. So he got out to ask the person in the car to get out of his way so he could get to work. This is when he recognised it was her and her two kids.

She hopped out of the car and got in his face screaming about her husband not being there and that he must be cheating on her. She made accusatory gestures such as poking him in the chest and accusations to the effect of Jason letting him step out on her or something.

He remained calm and told her that he was her husband’s supervisor, not his keeper. He told her to calm down and he had no idea where he had gone.

He got back in his truck and she got back in her car before starting to move forward. So Jason started to back out and she threw her car into reverse and stopped him again. Jason waited for about ten minutes, in the meantime he tried calling the guy to come take care of this shit so he could get to work – yet the guy did not answer.

Finally Jason got back out of his truck again and the woman flew into further rage, accusing Jason of calling to warn her husband she was there.

All the while, of course, her children were sobbing in the back seat.

Again, he remained calm and told her that no – he hadn’t answered, but he had called to have him come take care of his woman. He then told her if she did not leave immediately he would be next calling the police.

She then left, finally, all while pointing at him with a grimace on her face.

Once he got to work, he called the husband into his office and locked the door. he told him in no uncertain terms that it was against company policy to get involved in employee’s personal business, but it was his wife that had made it Jason’s business. He then said the guy could take the afternoon off to handle the situation – because if she brought it to the company again by involving him or anyone else in their marriage then it would negatively effect the guy’s career. (i.e security issues would affect his ability to be employed by the company.)

Jason said that was the last he spoke of it, until he told me the story a couple evenings ago. He was aware; however, that that afternoon they officially became separated and the guy started dating some police woman in that town for about three months… At some point he and the wife started marriage counseling and gave it another go around that three month mark.

After that, the few times Jason saw that woman, she shuffled her feet and refused to acknowledge or look at Jason. He wasn’t sure if she hated him or was just embarrassed by her previous behaviour.

Honey, you best have been embarrassed….



Dane’s Happiness (or Rae is a Jealous Bitch.)

I haven’t been able to talk to Dane for a while. Our schedules and time zones don’t always mesh well.

I had a night out with an American friend last night and we were discussing the career trajectories of our husbands and whether we’d end up back in the US anytime soon… and whether we even wanted to end up in the US. Call me unpatriotic if you wish – but I don’t care much either way. I like living in the US okay, but sometimes it’s hard for me to imagine it as truly home when I have spent more than half my life overseas. I’m not sure my husband understands my reasoning. That being said, I still consider myself pretty patriotic 🙂

Anyway, the thought crossed my mind that one of the main draws to going back to the US would be simply the ease of access to my best friend. I miss him more than I can express. What I wouldn’t give to able to call him, or receive calls from him, whenever we wish. I miss texting him during the work day. Hell, I miss him bringing me lunch during the work day. I miss sitting in the church pew next to him whispering during congregational meetings. I miss saying something snarky to him and he threatening me with “I WILL hang up on you!” I miss his laugh.

Last I spoke to him; he told me he had spent the night with THAT GIRL again. I’ve mentioned her before. That girl who gets angry if he picks up a phone call from me when he is with her… She is needy, demanding, irrational, and possessive and gives him such a hard time when he has only tried to be nice and supportive of her and her issues. While I feel bad for the issues she has in her life; I also feel that they are not Dane’s issues and she need not be trying to get him to fix everything. She need not be dragging him into that mess – especially as she started with that crap so early in the relationship.

He hadn’t talked to her for several weeks prior to that night because he was out of town, and he had given up on a serious long term relationship by that point. He said in that last conversation that “she knows I don’t love her.”

Why, Dane, Why?! Dane has never done “drama.” He is the kind that shuts down and walks away from drama. I don’t understand why is he allowing her to keep him in hers? I know he is trying to be the “good guy” this time around. I also wonder if her clinginess and occasional timidity – telling him she just feels safer when he sleeps in her bed – makes him feel manly and needed somehow.

But she doesn’t laugh at his jokes. He told me some stuff he said early on that she got downright angry about and instantly broke up with him… “What did you say?” I asked. He explained some jokes he told – amusing people watching observances he had said aloud. I burst out laughing and told him “God, Dane – That’s funny shit right there!” He laughed too and said “I know, right?”

She wanted to give it another go once she calmed down. Then he couldn’t tell his jokes. He seemed to be understanding of why she was upset in the first place. …But she has yanked him around so many times instantly breaking up with him over stupid shit and then crawling back eventually – or accepting the occasional apology from him, making him feel guilty enough to crawl back to her. This woman is 29 or 30 and, seems to me, has the emotional maturity of a middle schooler.

He seems to be on the fence – now not giving in to as much of her shit, yet still showing up when he’s in town. I think she still has hope she’ll snag a commitment out of him in the end.

I hear you. You are all deafening me with the “Rae, you sound like a jealous bitch right now!”

I know.

Maybe I am.

But I also just want Dane to be happy. I have only ever wanted him to be happy. I have, more than once, spoken my mind about women he’s dated. He usually trusts my judgement and between me and his sister – we have effectively caused break ups with some of the worst offenders. He hasn’t even told his sister about this one. That’s got to tell you something.

A few months ago I told him my mind about her. I told him, calmly, my advice concerning this one. Then I told him that I know I bad talk a lot of his girls. I realised this and told him I just want him to be happy – and I would say my piece if I feel it’s warranted… but that from now on if he continues on regardless of my assessment that I would support whatever decision he makes even if I disagree. I just want him to be happy. If he feels that he’ll be happy with someone, I need to support that.

I just hope when I do get the chance to talk to him again, that I will hear him say through my earpiece that he’s done with her completely. I don’t want to have to give a sympathetically disapproving “Oh, Dane…” when he tells me some other crap that’s occurred. I don’t want to “Oh, Dane…” him if he tells me he’s spent the night at her house again.

I want him to be happy and it’s killing me