Best Friends, Dane, David, relationships

You and Me, Emma

Dane and I are talking again... To an extent. For those of you that have followed me for the past several years, I'm sure you are sighing and rolling your eyes at this point. "What the fuck, Emma," I hear you mutter under your breath. "Just walk away and for fucks' sake stay away." Ok,… Continue reading You and Me, Emma

Dan, Dane, David, Husband, Jimmy, Sven, Viktor, Wyatt

I Was A Slut For Sleeping With Him

Write it down, I'm told. Anything you can remember, just write it down. The thing is you want me to remember, to recall events, to be able to tell you about them - but you fail to understand that these particulars, the particulars I am ashamed of, were not that important to me. Not in… Continue reading I Was A Slut For Sleeping With Him

anxiety, depression, Husband

Unpack All The Boxes

I am aware. I am aware of the fact that my actions and reactions in relationships can be categorized as bad, just as bad. Perhaps even worse. Considering I've had such actions used against me. Relationships that changed my entire view of how relationships work and how to, shall we say... survive them. Emotional manipulations,… Continue reading Unpack All The Boxes

Uncategorized

Two times in a month – you lucky dogs, you

Here I am again, for the second time in a month - wow! It's been awhile since that's happened LOL. No news yet on the transfer. I should find out this week if it's been approved. Otherwise I have emailed my current manager (we just got an interim one as the other one just moved… Continue reading Two times in a month – you lucky dogs, you

anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, Maja, svea, Uncategorized

Being a Nothing-of-Consequence

My anxiety is rising. I was in a good mood earlier today, and I plan on feeling okay tomorrow... The thing is that as the holiday season starts, I am catching ripples of anxiety - like waves of salt hitting my face, suddenly so that I don't have time to close my mouth. I sputter… Continue reading Being a Nothing-of-Consequence

anxiety, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

Honestly, I don't know if I have anything interesting to spew at the moment. I just felt like getting back to the root of my blog/writing career for a minute - I felt like writing without a purpose to see what would emerge. I hope to clarify my inner self, to figure out why I… Continue reading Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

Uncategorized

I assure you that, yes, Emma is fine

Oh geez, it seems like, once again, I have been gone from WordPress much longer than I had realized. I guess 3 weeks really isn't all that bad in the history of my many random blogging sabbaticals. But I am here once again to assure you that, yes, Emma is fine. I know the last… Continue reading I assure you that, yes, Emma is fine

anxiety, David, depression, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

"But Emma," I hear you say. "You are officially a nurse now, you should know better than to fuck around with your meds." I sigh, because I know you're right. I suppose 'fuck around' is a bit strong of a description though. Fact is, my self care has been lacking lately and part of that… Continue reading Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

anxiety, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

At What Level is it Normal?

I have a follow up with my psychiatrist in a few days. She wants to check on how my meds are doing now that I am entering the annual timeframe that the worst of my PTSD usually takes effect. So what am I going to tell her? I keep thinking about it... do I still… Continue reading At What Level is it Normal?

anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, David, depression, relationships, support, Uncategorized

Being Disposable

I've discovered something definitive about my friendship with Dane this week. Well, ex-friendship at this point. I have become disposable to him. I'm not sure when exactly it happened, sometime over the last two years since I moved back to the USA. Up until that point... the last time I had talked to him while… Continue reading Being Disposable

anxiety, Uncategorized

Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD Part 2

Yesterday I shared with you the two main exercises I am to try to assist in minimizing my anxiety and my PTSD. Those exercises, though can be done in the moment while having an anxiety or PTSD attack, were for more long term changes to my brain. Today, I am also going to share two… Continue reading Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD Part 2

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD

Oh geez, you guys, I apologize. I still need to write up more posts about the trip to Sweden I had in July... I had so many things I wanted to document, but I just haven't had the time. Hopefully one day soon... But I've been dealing with nursing school the past three weeks, as… Continue reading Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD

memories, relationship, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

When I say “they,” I also mean me.

I've had a thought recently. I supposed the thought has crossed my mind in some form or another a few times before... But, sometimes I feel so stereotypical. Before I admitted even to myself I've been a victim (though I hate that word) of abuse, I used terminology to describe myself or my situation/past in stereotypical… Continue reading When I say “they,” I also mean me.

anxiety, David, depression, Husband, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

I've been working on my Sweden Trip posts... But also I got my manuscript back from my editor on Thursday before working Friday through Sunday... so It'll be a little bit before I get those promised posts out. However, I have another long-awaited post to give you now... So... Enjoy 🙂 **************** Yesterday, I went… Continue reading Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

anxiety, depression, memories, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

It’s Not Like The Random Bruise

You know that feeling... The one where your emotion - for lack of a better word - is stuck smack dab in the middle of your chest? It's unclear exactly what that emotion is; though it's persistent and hard not to notice. It's not like the random bruise or bleeding you find on yourself while… Continue reading It’s Not Like The Random Bruise

anxiety, depression, Husband, memories, mother, relationships, teenage years, Uncategorized

Passive Aggressive Shit

I feel like I've been somewhat emotionally fragile - or, perhaps, vulnerable is the correct word - as of late. In my post puzzling over my mental health I mentioned that my mom had said she found my medical records, including my diagnosis etc from when I was 15. (Please read the linked post to… Continue reading Passive Aggressive Shit

anxiety, depression, Medical, memories, Uncategorized

The Puzzle That is My Mental Health

I'm feeling a little bummed. A little unmotivated... It might be partially because my period is supposed to start tomorrow. It may be my kids being sick the past couple of days... or the random interactions or annoyances of the past few weeks that build up and push down on my mood. I dunno.... Or… Continue reading The Puzzle That is My Mental Health

anxiety, depression, Medical, Uncategorized

Wish Me Luck

I finally got a chance to see my doctor to talk to her about a possible anxiety diagnosis. The long story short is that she said it could very well just be anxiety mixed with depression, but my symptoms also lean towards the bipolar side of things. She said that treating bipolar is done with… Continue reading Wish Me Luck

anxiety, depression, Husband, support, Uncategorized

I Often Grind My Teeth At Night

I always thought of anxiety as panic attacks with heart palpitations, extreme feelings of fear or worry with a bit of hyperventilation mixed in. I think most people are under that impression. This is why I never considered myself to have anxiety. I have only had, from what I recall, one full blown panic attack… Continue reading I Often Grind My Teeth At Night

David, depression, Husband, memories, relationship, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

I’ve Caught The Feels

The thing is, for many years, I built up my walls and buried emotions deep down... I'd remain calm and like a duck out of water, I'd let a whole lot of stuff roll off my back. Eventually my suppressed emotions would bubble over until I breathed fire if and when certain people stepped over… Continue reading I’ve Caught The Feels