Knickerbocker Glory

RIGHT ABOUT NOW; The Funk Soul Brother. Check it out now; The Funk Soul Brother. Right about now

Imagine if you will, a gorgeous but chubby raven haired white girl driving home hopped up on a toasted coconut latte, dancing behind the wheel… So graceful is she as she rocks her shoulders back and forth and wiggles her hips – still seated and with both hands on the wheel of course. She IS a mother after all; there has to be some sense of decorum and safety. Well, perhaps not decorum so much… but safety always!

Right about now, ’bout now, ’bout now, ’bout now

Surely the coffee and music on it’s own didn’t put her in such a bouncy mood? It must have contributed to her mood when her children were promptly ready for school this morning… But today is a day for laundry, not dancing silly woman! Yet as the music changes she is still bopping along towards home.

Vanilla Strawberry Knickerbocker glory. Vanilla Strawberry Knickerbocker glory. Vanilla Strawberry Knickerbocker glory. Vanilla Strawberry Knickerbocker glory…

‘Oooo, Ice cream…’ she thinks – only increasing her sense of hyperactivity. Man, she is gonna be SO productive today! Laundry and a blog post (or two) AT LEAST!

She pulls into the driveway, intending to promptly get out and get to her planned productivity. But wait… Now that’s she’s parked she can dance WITHOUT her hands on the wheel! ‘Just one more song won’t hurt nuthin’,’ she decides…

Put me in the hospital for nerves and then they had to commit me. You told them all I was crazy… They cut off my legs now I’m an amputee – God Damn you!

Yup, Today is gonna be a good day 🙂

*Artists: Fat Boy Slim, Fujiya & Miyagi, Harvey Danger

Melodic Memories

The kid was adorable, if I must admit. I call him a kid because he was a year and a half plus a day younger than I  and as teenagers that gap felt enormous. As if that whole extra year and a day really made a difference – I had dated Andre earlier in the year while he was 6 months younger than I… and that had seemed as though it was a stretch at the time… Funny how that point of view changes as you grow.

Regardless of his age, I looked down at him as he knelt on one knee with his guitar propped on the other knee – strumming out a tune he wanted to show me that he had learned recently. His blue-grey eyes were clear and sparkling in the dim lighting as he sang out Green Day lyrics. I smirked at how passionately he sang the subversive content, as if he were serenading me with a romantic verse; though secretly I was impressed with his talent. As we talked afterwards, he confessed to me that he hoped one day to be a legit musician.

He was a blond haired, Swedish boy that went to Young Life meetings in Täby – the suburb of Stockholm in which he lived, though it took me a good hour to travel to. We met originally at the Young Life Holsby Brunn camp – I was 16 and he was still 14. See? Much too young! I focused my sight on Maarten that summer…

But Freddy was a nice kid, and I recall being impressed at how cool he was even though he was only 14. Gosh, I was cocky, now that I think about it… because CLEARLY I was a cool 14 year old – so why would I expect less from any other 14 year olds?? Haha.

Anyway, Freddy (actually we mostly called him Fredrik, as was his Christian name, back then – Freddy is the newer incarnation of his image… at least as far as I am concerned.) …Freddy was a really good guitar player. He liked to bring his guitar along to Young Life meetings and play around on it afterwards when we were all just hanging out and chatting. He was a sweet thing that would show me when he learned new songs and serenade me as I described. In particular, I remember him singing me not only “Basketcase,” by Green Day but also  “What do you do with a drunken sailor?” Haha.

I remember thinking If only he was my age or older… You know, I kick myself these days when I think of what an idiot I was in that regard. Who gives a damn now about the girl being older / a less than two year age difference? Not saying it would have worked out or that he would have wanted to date me anyway, but you know…. He was a nice enough guy that it would have been worth the effort.

Well, now, when I got back in touch with Freddy some years ago it was no surprise to me that he is now a musician by trade. He is the guitarist for a band called “The Spin.” It is a Swedish “party pop” band, that also apparently has success in Britain. When I first got back in touch with him, they were living in Britain and making appearances on radio shows between gigs… But I understand they now live back in Sweden and just travel to Britain on occasion.

Check him out being a rockstar (haha, it tickles me to call him a rockstar 😛 )

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Image from his personality ” Freddy – TheSpin ” facebook page.

…and here is a picture of the band from the band’s facebook page, Freddy is the one on the far left with the sunnies atop his head if you can’t tell without his rocking out face 😛

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So, consider this a plug to go check them out – especially if you happen to live in either of those areas that they tend to perform. …and if you get the chance, feel free to say “Hej” to Freddy for me 😉

aaaannnnddd okay… one more pic – from my scrapbook… this is him as a youth at the YL camp at Holsby Brunn… Not the best clarity…  Here’s hoping he doesn’t hate me for sharing it here 😉

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Hey Mum

I pulled into Zinger Coffee & Tea’s drive through just as Bachelor Girl’s song “Buses and Trains” started coming through my speakers. It had been a long time since I’d listened to that song.

I liked it as a teen, but hadn’t really thought much about the song as a whole. But as I grabbed my “Sweet Pea” latte (Caramel and Hazelnut… Don’t ask me why they call it a Sweet Pea… It’s a February special, so likely just a cutesy name related to Valentine’s day) and started to listen a little more closely.

I realised that I related more to this song than I had understood as a teen.

“Hey Mum, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you teach me a thing or two? You just let me go out into the world; you never thought to share what you knew…”

About a year and a half ago at this point, my mother came to visit me in Australia. I sat down with her in my living room, with a bottle of wine, and asked her some very similar questions.

I had found out about some issues she had had with her relationship with my father. She had since found out about my abusive relationship – basically. I don’t think she even still cares to hear about the specifics. I mean… I can’t blame her for that. I don’t think I’d want to know details if I were her either. Plus… She had been more involved with my littlest sister and getting her out of an abusive relationship in recent years. It would have burdened her more than necessary to know, really.

Yet…

“Hey Mum, why didn’t you warn me? ‘Cause I found boys were something I should have known. They’re like chocolate cake, like cigarettes – I know they’re bad for me, but I just can’t leave them alone.”

“Why didn’t you tell us about you and dad? I wish you had been honest with me about stuff like that.”

She looked me in the eye, with a serious expression, as she picked up her glass of wine. “You really want to know? I’ll tell you whatever you want to know now…”

“I do. …It may not have changed much… But if I had known… If you had been frank with me about this kind of stuff… Maybe I would have made at least some better decisions… Maybe I would have avoided the worst of it.”

My mother nodded as if to say she understood and had taken on board my concerns. She then launched into honestly outlining her side of the relationship.

I must say, I appreciate the candid response she gave me… But at the same time it seemed a little too late. Yet… I honestly can’t say how I would have handled the information had I learned it when I needed it – around 13 years of age. Mainly because the majority of the information had to do with my father.

Still… If I had known… If I had a frank discussion or 12 with my mother, perhaps I could have avoided an abusive relationship, or at the very least lessened it. I might have even avoided dangerous situations (i.e Timmy or David). I’m not saying all of my past problems would have not happened… But perhaps I would have made some better decisions once in awhile. I wouldn’t have believed that controlling behaviour and jealousy meant he loved me. I may not have felt that I owed anyone sexual favours or my very heart.

As it stands, I plan to tell my daughter (and my son) about my past before they start eying the opposite sex. I plan to tell them about the abuse I endured, about the mistakes and the triumphs in my relationships. I plan to tell them about the bad – Wyatt, David… though depending on their age I may sanitize certain aspects… basic info without the detail really. I’ll tell them about the good – Justin, Andre… etc I’ll tell them about the relationships in between – Viktor, Sven… and how they shouldn’t settle and dismiss their feelings for the sake of not hurting otherwise nice people. Yet – it’ll be unacceptable for them to be assholes of course. LOL Gosh, this parenting thing is hard. This may have to be over more than one conversation… I guess I’ll take it as it comes…

So anyway… This morning, I took a sip of my latte and started to sing along:

“So I walked under a bus, I got hit by a train. Keep falling in love – which is kinda the same. I’ve sunk out at sea, crashed my car… gone insane – and it felt so good, I wanna do it again.”

Oh, Bachelor Girl… You get me… Even at 34 I sometimes can’t help but feel that I wanna do it all again… OMG WTF is wrong with me?? 😉

Well hey, I suppose there’s something about the rush. The endorphins, the dopamine… The men whether they’re good or bad for me… and maybe, deep down, I think if I did it again I might make better decisions. But you know what? If I’m honest with myself, I’m not so sure that would be true…. Knowing what I know now, I still am more attracted to the “bad boy;”  like a bad habit. I think maybe I should just not have let myself get a taste of them in the first place…

Now if you’ll excuse me; I have a sudden urge for chocolate cake and a cigarette…

Let Me Entertain You

Last time I mentioned once again my dream part (Rizzo in Grease) and alluded to my love of Broadway again as well. As such I decided today I will talk about some other favorite parts of mine I would love to have done or maybe… One day do… Really I’ll be talking about specific musical numbers I would love to be involved in, the parts themselves often being an aside.

Originally I thought I’d make it a list of five – somewhat like what Paul Bailey does often on his blog… But then… Fuck man, I can’t keep it that low! So it’s doubled! I suppose I could have split this into two posts… but… Oh well.

 1. Dream Part: Rizzo
I already shared the song I most connect with that Rizzo sings last time – “There are Worse things I Could Do” – but she as a whole is a role I want to play, so to represent her I will add here the next song I would love to perform while reprising that role – “Sandra Dee”. To be honest, I in general am not the kind of person that is a mean girl as such, but I won’t deny I have had such a streak run through me in certain cases now and again. I believe this is another performance I could give legitimacy to. Especially given my tendency to have disdain for the overly goodie two-shoes types:

2. My otherwise Favorite Musical: Kiss Me, Kate
I have loved this show since I was 8 years old and I even got to see it in the Kennedy Center when I was 18. This is one that I would love to be in either as Lilli Vanessi/Kate or Lois Lane/Bianca. For now I am going to share two songs (I couldn’t pare it down further tbh) displaying the Lois Lane character singing a song as well as Lois as Bianca singing a song. Honorable mentions though would be Lilli/Kate’s performances of “I Hate Men” (as Kate) and “Wunderbar” (as Lilli.) I would also totally dig doing “Brush Up Your Shakespeare” if I were a dude, haha.

First off is Lois singing “Always True to You,” which I honestly connect with as well… Sometimes it feels like I am “true” to a man “in my fashion,” though others may view it as not genuine or something perhaps. I’m not sure how to explain it. But it’s like when I had to backtrack with Dane when I explained that I was seeing Dan, Sven (and Timmy) at the same time. I wasn’t actually cheating ever it was just an overlap of time periods and casual dating etc… Anyway, here you go:

Secondly, Bianca on stage singing “Tom, Dick, or Harry.” Such fun, haha. I’m all about the any Tom, Dick, or Harry 😉

3. Next up: Pajama Game!
Pajama Game, while I do enjoy the movie/play as a whole, really does not have me desiring to perform the entire play per se. I do; however, thoroughly enjoy this next song. This is the most fun song to belt out. Don’t believe me? Just try it! No one will laugh at you, I promise… 😉

4. “What a sensational Fucking experience!”
Next is “Just One Step” from Songs For A New World. This is again a production I have no real desire to be in, there are a handful of songs I really enjoy from this production, but maybe it’s the lack of a real story line (it’s a mash up of various character’s stories through song) or maybe it’s the fact that the CD I have for this play was given to me by David… Buuut… Yeah. No real desire to do any of it… except for this song… LOVE this scene. I would totally rock this, believe it or not I can do a decent New York accent when singing along in my car, haha 😛

5. Speaking of New York…
This is more of a daydream… Cuz there are minimal female roles in this play, but there are some really good ensemble numbers that would just be cool to be a part of, I think. Now I know what you are about to say… “Disney? Really, Rae??!” But I beg to put before you: Disney musicals are excellent technically speaking. I get it if a particular production isn’t your thing… But professionally speaking, Disney creates and performs musicals to a high standard. That being said – it would be so fun to be a part of the Newsies cast – especially if I could have done so when Christian Bale was a part of it 😉

6. All I Owe
There are very few Broadway songs that relate to any given place that I am attached to in my personal life. Oklahoma being the main one simply because a good chunk of my family on my father’s side live there… But for some reason “All I Owe Ioway” from State Fair (Rogers and Hammerstein) has long been one of my fave songs. Again, a fun song to sing. The only remote connection I have to Iowa is David was from there… Psssh… yeah… but I won’t let that ruin it for me 😉 I’ve loved this song since I was a kid regardless.

7. America
On one hand, I cannot remotely pass as Puerto Rican. On the other hand, Natalie Wood played Maria in West Side Story LOL. I am about to state something sacrilegious in the Broadway community, but I actually do not like West Side Story at all. I love the song America and I enjoy numbers with the jets such as “Officer Krupke”… but I literally fast forward the majority of the movie if given the chance. However, if I were a Latina I’d totally try to pull off a role in the “America” scene:

8. I’m so popular…
You Guise… I admit it, I’m a Wicked Geek. I adore Wicked. I would totally take any minute role just to be a part of it… I love “Defying Gravity,” of course but know full well I don’t have the range of Idina to be able to even remotely do it justice. But as a one off, I think it would be fun to walk in Kristen Chenowith’s footsteps and perform “Popular” a la Glenda.

9. Let Me Entertain You
(This is for you Kira… Haha) I think Gypsy Rose Lee can say it best herself:

10. Cell Block Tango
Okay, I will wrap in up here… There are more I am certain I could add. Various songs from Grease and Grease 2, obviously… Songs from various other Rogers and Hammerstein classics… Calamity Jane… 7 Brides For 7 Brothers… But the last one that simply must make my list is “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago. It’s a good one for when you are pissed off at your significant other, ladies. Jussayin’ 😉

Well, hope you all enjoyed my list. Anyone out there theatre junkies like me or otherwise secretly fancy the idea of being up on stage in a specific role or singing a specific song? (Come on, we all do that at least in the shower if not a serious wish… LOL)

Mystery Blogger Award :)

Oooo! Lookie lookie! Kira Scribbled nominated me for the Mystery Blogger Award! Thanks Kira!! And check her out – she is an amazing story teller! 🙂

The award was created by Okoto Enigma@ https://okotoenigma.wordpress.com

“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion. – Okoto Enigma

Rules for the nominees:

  • Display the award logo/image on your blog
  • List the rules.
  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to the nominator’s blog.
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  • Answer 5 questions from the nominator
  • Nominate 10 or more people
  • Notify your nominees by leaving the nomination link in the “comment” of their blog
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice, with one weird or funny question (specify)
  • Share the link(s) to your best post(s) 

So, I am to tell you three things about me.

  1. My husband once told me that he decided to marry me the moment I made a Strawberry-Rhubarb pie for him when we were dating.
  2. I still enjoy watching Degrassi High – though I am Markedly behind on the newer episodes. I think they did a really good job transitioning from the classic series to the new generation – made me care about the new characters by relating them to the older characters and resolving old story lines.
  3. My favorite cocktail is a White Russian followed closely by an Amaretto Sour… and I always add a handful of Maraschino cherries if I have them. Side fact: as a teen I used to buy jars of them to eat straight out of the jar.

As for Kira’s Questions:

If you had to choose between loosing the sensation of touch in your hands or loosing the ability to taste, which would you pick?

I suppose I’d prefer to lose sensation in my hands. I like food too much… I suppose I’d be concerned about accidentally injuring my hands without realising it… but I value my sensations in the other parts of my body more… including the sensation of tasting chocolate cake 😛

What paranormal creature, for example Vampire, Werewolf, Alien,  ect..  would you choose to be real, and why?

I think I would like a pet Griffin… considering the room it would take up… Does a Griffin count as Paranormal? or is it simply Mythical? If a Griffin wouldn’t count I think Gnomes would be a close second. I’d fancy making friends with the Gnomes that inhabit the walls and inviting them to sit to have tea and rice pudding with me.

What is your favorite food?

I adore Ethnic foods – Ethiopian Doro Wot with Injera or Lentil Samosas, Indian Masala Dosa or Butter Chicken, Chinese food in general… Lasagna… Gyros… Hell, Any Greek food… Pad Thai… There’s just too much I love that I can’t choose one thing!

Who is your one, all time, favorite author? Other than yourself..lol

Ooo that’s tough. I dunno if I have just one… Enid Blyton is my fave children’s author, I love Henning Menkell for mysteries, Marion Zimmer Bradley was always a favorite… I also really liked George MacDonald – a turn of the century fantasy author.

Is fruit too uppity?      (I guess this is the weird one..?)

Uhhh… No? Not except when it’s plated in gold? Perhaps when it’s swimming in Champagne… LOL

Nominees I chose for this award are…..

I’m not going to do ten. I never do… and the last time I did this kind of thing I only had a couple actually do it, sooo…

Kira also nominated Paul E. Bailey’s blog, but he is probably my favorite blogger out there currently – and since two nominated Kira – I guess this is allowed? 😛 Paul is a very talented writer and well worth checking out!

I’ve also quickly become blog friends with Simon Farnell – he has an interesting blog that is primarily science based, but he throws in a little bit of everything really – worth checking out at least!

Summer Shines is another blog I’ve started following recently… Summer has a lot to say about her troubled past, and tries to be a help to others that have similar issues. Check her out and give her some love 🙂

T4mk4t and Klutzy are both good friends of mine in real life, and they both write well and on very different topics. Please check them out too!

Aaaaaannnnd….RAE’S QUESTIONS!

  1. If you could be anyone for a week, would you take the chance? Who would you choose to be?
  2. Do you have an irrational fear and what is it? (I promise I won’t make fun of you…)
  3. Who was your first celebrity crush? How old were you?
  4. Do you have any quirks or habits that others find amusing or odd?
  5. Oh, ummm… a weird or funny question… If God sneezes, what should you say?

As for my best posts – I actually have a “Best Of” page on my blog…Posts that I think are my better ones… unfortunately I don’t always keep it updated… buuut…

https://iwillnotliveinvain.wordpress.com/category/best-of/

 

I’d turn lesbian for Miranda

Every now and then I talk about my music tastes on this blog. Superficially, you’d notice I’m a HUGE fan of Eve 6, for example. I know I’ve discussed music from the show Nashville before, Ke$ha, Johnny Gallagher and a few other random artists… I have a very eclectic taste – based primarily on my mood. But in searching my nearly 2 year old blog, it seems I am remiss in talking about the one woman I would turn lesbian for… Miranda Lambert. In fact, I found that I mentioned I was listening to her in passing one time – which is a post that is now private.

This oversight obviously must be rectified.

Today my mood is for Miranda. Klutzyhomemaker (Who, in case you haven’t noticed by now is one of my besties that I met in Australia 😉 )   pointed me in the direction of Pistol Annies the other day – I had been blissfully ignorant of the fact that Miranda was in this group, and realised yesterday I had actually heard them previously on my husband’s stereo, but did not realise who they were.

This has caused a rabbit hole of youtube watching again, catching up on their songs and then seguing back to Miranda’s solo stuff.

I’m just gonna say right here that I am painfully jealous that Klutzy got to see her in concert a few months ago – even though she recorded snippets of my fave songs and messaged them to me at the time… siiiigh.

Miranda oozes badassery and I wish I could be as cool as her sometimes… Anyway, here you are – some of my favourite songs from my queen:

Pistol Annies – I Feel a Sin Comin’ On …This song gives me shivers. I feel like it is so relevant to me…

This next one is my all time favourite: Gunpowder and Lead… I think, if you’ve followed me for awhile, you’ll pick up on the why…

See? Baddass.

I’m in love with her strength and her ability to make other women also feel like they too can be strong.

Now, Mama’s Broken Heart holds one of my favourite quotes: “Run and hide your crazy and start acting like a lady.”

Little Red Wagon is one of my 5 year old son’s favourites… I’d be remiss again if I didn’t add it here too… Because still… Badass.

Okay, I get it… Many of you are likely not country fans… but… TOO BAD! Haha! Just one more 😉 This is the Pistol Annies song that Klutzy first introduced to me – Hush Hush. Just… Again… So relevant to, like, my entire LIFE. Gosh…

I’m exhausted, frequently, with no regrets

Started writing this a couple months ago; a description of myself to be honest. A true account of a Friday afternoon at which time I thought “Huh, maybe I could write about this” haha  – about time I finished and posted it for y’all 🙂 Enjoy.

(featured image of the road discussed herein from AusEmade as I never got a chance to get a photo before leaving the area… 😦 )

She had a rough week, but it was finally Friday. Not only that, but Friday afternoon no less! She felt a bit of a weight lift off of her shoulders as she strolled to her car, just knowing at least she was starting her weekend. That had to be good for something, right?

The afternoon was sunny and clear – and just the right temperature for rolling down both front windows, she flipped her dial all the way up – blasting her music as loud as it would go.

Peers don’t know what they can’t see.

They can’t see inside of me.

It’s sickening how comforting the privacy of the mind can be.

How much longer will I try before I realize I’m desperate in

The situation that I’m in again;

I’m exhausted, yet another topic:

I’m exhausted frequently with no regrets.

Oh Yeeaaah

Lighting her cigarette, her head already bobbing to the beat; she slowly pulled out of her parking space and headed for the exit. Her speed increased as she turned out onto the wide open road that would lead her back into town.

The sunny, mild afternoon was the perfect weather for a cigarette, in her opinion. The perfect weather to decompress with some loud music while the wind whipped through her hair. Ahead of her all she could see was the long, mostly straight road with the red hued mountains in the distance. She could see for kilometers on either side – mostly flat lands with brush and the occasional tree; more mountains in the distance.

She increased her speed as the signs indicated she was allowed to do. The wind lashing against her cheeks, bringing specks of sand from her desert surrounds with it causing her face to sting periodically.

She didn’t mind though. It took her mind off of the events of the day; lifting her spirits, in all honesty. The moments to herself lifted her spirits in general…. She was thankful now her drives home had increased by 20 minutes. It meant more time to herself, more time to listen to her music however loud she liked. More time to be alone with her thoughts. More time to sing out at the top of her lungs with no inhibitions.

Speaking of, the song switched to the next track. She reached out and pressed the button causing it to go back and repeat the song she had just listened to. That’s the kind of mood she was in today. Certainly she’d listen to more tracks on her 25 minute drive back to town, but for now – just… one more time. Maybe two.